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Day 30 Most important relationships

Rusty Red

Rusty Red

Well known member
Those would be with the people that are in my household, i.e. my mom, fiance, and son. Of those, I think the one with my mom is in the most danger from my path with TMS. She doesn't believe in it, and deep down I think that has a lot to do with knowing if it's real, she plays a major role in it. From childhood to present day, our relationship has been back and forth. I finally got away from her when I moved in with my ex-husband and now she's back in my life daily by living with me. She's the one I'm least likely to stand up for myself against or tell her what I really think of some of the things she does. I journal about her more than anything else for sure.

My fiance supports the idea of TMS and me doing the work. It's tough sometimes, though, because he contradicts that by saying I should find another doctor or move up appts I have, which just feeds into my doubts.

My son just wants me out of pain. He doesn't care how. He's 10 and I'm slowly introducing him to the idea of emotions leading to physical pain, because he is highly sensitive like me and I see him ending up where I am. He already struggles with anxiety and perfectionism. I work daily to assure him he's awesome and as long as he's trying, I won't be disappointed.

As an aside, today's article was from Dr. Zafirides, who is the local TMS provider to me. I looked into seeing him but unfortunately just wasn't okay with the costs. I understand why TMS docs are more expensive and don't take insurance, but it can still be frustrating. Maybe at some point I will give in but for now I'm sticking with doing the work myself.
 
It's good to know Dr Z is still practicing, because he used to be active here and also had a good website and podcast but he just disappeared from the internet.

To be brutally honest, spending money to see him would be a waste, because your TMS brain is way too attached to the idea that your syrinx is lying in wait for you - like a sabre tooth tiger that you're convinced is hanging around outside your cave just waiting to eat you. You might get a boost from seeing him, but because Dr Z is not an ortho specialist, your brain would eventually convince you that he can't possibly know for sure that it's okay to let it go and move on.

Dr Zafarides is the one who introduced the practice of Existential Psychotherapy to the forum - a practice that is simple to explain and understand and really easy to apply on one's own, and which I frequently recommend.
 
Rusty Red said:
She doesn't believe in it, and deep down I think that has a lot to do with knowing if it's real, she plays a major role in it.
Click to expand...
Rusty—
Just a thought. If you REALLY embraced TMS, what would you have to do with your Mom? Would facing whatever that is be too hard? If so, you might just be trying to protect yourself from that by worrying about the cyst instead?

Also—how hard would it be to stand up to your fiancé and disagree about seeing doctors? Something else to think about.

i noticed—for me—relationships play a big role in your TMS plans. If your family are in the way, somehow, and you don’t have strength to fight them, you’ll just give up.
 
I stand up to him all the time about seeing doctors. I tell him constantly if he's going to believe I have TMS he has to stop. But I can't get too mad when I want one of my doctors to fix this too.

As for my mom, honestly it would likely take her moving out and I won't make her do that. She can't afford to. It would be asking for the thousands of dollars she owes me back which can't happen. For now I'm just trying to deal with what I can by speaking up more often when I feel like she's criticizing me. I think even Sarno said we may not be able to change our circumstances, we just have to manage them differently.
 
This is almost eerie because in Nicole's FB group today one of the mods made a post with the question "How do we bring about the idea that "You don't have to change your life; you just need to understand how you feel about it" to difficult relationships?" LOL
 
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