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Most disheartening thing I heard from a doctor...

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Hen, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    I'm posting about this because I'm working the SEP and it's a good question. The two nurse practitioners I saw when this all got started simply had no idea what was wrong with me: sciatica or maybe bursitis in my hips. That was disheartening because not only what is not a diagnosis it just led to more questions and a referral to a Ortho doctor.

    The Ortho doctor pushed into my hips and asked if it hurt. I said "yes" and replied that he could give me steroid shots in both hips that day. WTF? No thanks. He gave me muscle relaxers and oral steroids and requested that I get an MRI and a low back x-ray. I had already had an x-ray of my left hip, the one that has been most problematic and it showed nothing. I get the low back x-ray which showed noting and the MRI which shows bulges in L4 and L5 in addition to annular tears, both small, the MRI report says "neither bulge appears to in contact with a nerve". The Ortho gives me this news and says "well-you shouldn't be having any pain at all but if you want we can go PT". I left thinking OK now I have this diagnosis which shows a structural problem in my lumbar spine but I shouldn't worry about it.

    My pain (leg and hips) was somewhat better that day but the next day got worse and continued to do so. I had been seeing a wonderful spine/sport specialist/chiro who had requested my MRI and x-ray results as well. She told me "No wonder you are having pain!" "The thecal sac is being pressed on and annular tears can be very painful" she said "its going to be a long road". She did active release therapy on my shoulders, low back and left hip and micro current therapy which seemed to help but after a few days the relief was mostly gone.

    I left that appointment very defeated and scared. "A long road" was all I could hear playing out in my head. I frequently had diarrhea (still do sometimes) and was losing weight because I grew very depressed and very anxious about the pain. I ordered 3 Dr. Sarno books and decided that TMS was probably what I had. I had one more scheduled appointment with spine/sport/chiro specialist and I mentioned TMS to her and wanted to get her thoughts-she said she'd heard of it and that she thought there was some validity to it. She runs me through the usual tests (bending/stretching/leg lifting) and proclaims that I'm done! I can be discharged and that I'm doing much better?

    Haven't been back to any doctors. My experience has indeed been disheartening because both specialists seemed to be at odds with each other. One time the ortho said "well the chiro made you feel worse" and I was thinking and said "no, not true" and i got the impression that the chiro wasn't happy I'd seen an ortho specialist and she made a few comments about how "that guy doesn't even think you should be in pain, of course you are in pain".

    Overall. Ugh. Doctors and specialists did nothing more than present me with a diagnosis/structural abnormality and then declared alternately that I shouldn't feel any pain and that no wonder I was feeling so much pain. WTF? Definitely disheartening. Seems the various medical professions don't do encouragement real well. Sad.
    mike2014, JanAtheCPA and KevinB like this.
  2. Moppy

    Moppy Peer Supporter

    Hi hen. I'm a newcomer to this tms scene as well...just doing day 2 of the SEP today! But I've read and listened to audios in Alan Gordons Recovery Program and also trawled thru a a lot of the posts in this forum. I've had RSI in both arms for over 4 years and had to leave work because of the crippling pain. I've also been to many therapists and doctors, had various diagnoses which often contradicted each other, no one seems to be able to help me...which led me to try tms approach in desperation. Some of these stories on this tms website are awesome....people overcoming incredibly difficult pain situations and leading normal lives again thru adopting Sarno's suggestions. Its inspiring! If they can, we can! If this approach works, and clearly it does, its no wonder the doctors disagree with each other in their diagnoses, because they're all missing the point. I suspect the tms approach will become standard medical practice in times to come, we are just lucky enough to be at the forefront of it. All the very best to you by in your journey to healing.
    mike2014 and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    Hi Moppy,

    Thank you for your reply. I agree with you that we can do this! I really do hope that TMS becomes widely recognized among medical professionals and society as well. It's hard to believe how many people are suffering with chronic pain and have various diagnoses and very little that conventional medicine can do to alleviate symptoms. Compelling stuff! Wishing you the very best!
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great posts, Hen and Moppy! (and great names, too :cool:). Hen, I hope your digestive issues are improved/improving. Four years ago I was also losing weight rapidly, and not in a good way. Reading The Divided Mind took care of that as well as a number of other symptoms. I'm not entirely symptom free 100% of the time, but I do have 100% moments, and most of the time I'm at 80-90%, depending on my outside stressors. My whole outlook has changed so much, I can't believe that this knowledge is still so limited. Someday, maybe...
  5. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    Hi there! My digestive issues have gotten better. A lot of it was based on extreme fear and anxiety about the pain. I've also experienced less pain due to reading Sarno and learning more about TMS and it's crazy symptoms. The more we know the better.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  6. hecate105

    hecate105 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I can sympathize Hen, I spent years trudging from Dr to Dr being told everything from 'there's nothing wrong' thru 'you have a serious muscle disease' to 'it's probably fibromyalgia - nothing you can do - just put up with it'!!!
    They were all WRONG! It is and was TMS and after 22 years of suffering, it took me 2 years to become totally well and now I am fit and healthy and working a physical job. I rarely get any pain now - and if I do I resolutely call it out as TMS and then ignore it. I keep a careful watch on what 'bugs' me and ensure that I do not get pushed around or railroaded into anything. My husband is a bit miffed that he doesn't get his own way so much now... But he recognises TMS in his own personality too - and has not suffered any backache since we discovered Dr Sarno (as gardeners it is almost expected to suffer back pain!)
    So, just look within, find out what traits you have and what has upset you during your life, and then (the honesty is painful - the only way out - is thru!) get on with a pain-free life. Good luck
    Ellen and JanAtheCPA like this.
  7. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    Thank you Hecate! I'm glad I've come to the TMS realization after just a few months. I'm sorry you had to suffer that long! I am getting really in touch with what's upsetting me emotionally. In fact when all of this started for me I said to my husband -this might be psychological. Family issues from way back cropping up, being peri-menopausal and having a job that I don't like and that ends in April among several other things have created a lot of stress, tension and repressed emotion. I've been letting it out as best I can. Sometimes its crying, I'm seeing a therapist which is good and sometimes I'm really angry and that will pour out too. I appreciate your sharing your story. I love knowing that being pain free is in the future. I had a good day yesterday!
    hecate105 and JanAtheCPA like this.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Hen. Kevin posted today that he let himself feel a lot of anger and it was followed by a very relaxing, euphoric feeling. Maybe you will experience that.
    I'm glad you had a good day yesterday. That means more of them are to come. My mantra is" "The best is yet to come!"
    hecate105 likes this.
  9. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    Much more good to come! 11 minutes on the elliptical. No pain. :)
  10. intense50

    intense50 Well known member

    Great posts vitamin for the soul!
    hecate105 likes this.
  11. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Hen. No pain while on the elliptical. That's wonderful. You're making great progress in TMS healing.

    Intense, I like "vitamins for the soul." It's very true. Everything, no matter big or small, that boosts our spirit leads to TMS healing.

    Have a joyful holiday!
  12. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    What's so weird or not with TMS is that I went to the mall and experienced hip pain while walking around. Now right wrist and mid back are hurting but I know this can happen.

    Happy Holidays!
  13. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Accepting TMS is the best gift you can give yourself - Happy Holidays and an even happier New Year to all!

  14. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Ooh, I think I might have to make that my tagline...
  15. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    TMS can manifest in our bodies in so many ways. 5 years out of the program I still work my own program. Like Jan I am 80-90% free of pain.

    I journal regularly as a way to express emotions that I can't verbalize. They are primarily anger, guilt and fear. I get daily physical exercise to also work out the tension. I meditate regularly which allows me to look inward seeing the tension and tightness in my body then release it.

    I started playing a new sport. I had such a fear of failure. Most don't like playing with someone new. (Being competitive is another TMS trait. ..who knew! ) i had pain in my right elbow. A teacher told me I was holding my paddle too tight. I bought a band for my arm. Such terrible pain no matter what.

    Then the light bulb went on. Then is TMS. I told myself. ..work the program. ..and believe 100%. It slowly went away.

    Then I Played the sport with 3 men. They didn't like playing with me. I could "see" their disgust. In my head I wasn't " good enough". I was a failure. They rejected me. During the game I had trouble with hip pain limping as I played. It took me several weeks to get that out of my head. The pain was excruciating.

    I continued to play while talking to my hip. It went away in a few weeks. I take everything so personally. Their annoyance had nothing to do with me.
    Anybody new to the sport they wouldn't want to play with.

    Then my shoulder started hurting. I just worked the program. I am also "driven" to succeed because I have such a fear of failure.

    Now I am a very good player. .whew.
    Forest, hecate105, Hen and 1 other person like this.
  16. Hen

    Hen Peer Supporter

    Hi Stella,

    Thanks for sharing your experiences with TMS. Its quite tricky isn't it? Yesterday I got terrified before taking a walk-I knew it would hurt. My legs and hips started hurting before I even began walking. I was getting nervous about today, and spending time with my parents. I went on the walk and it hurt but it wasn't horrible. I tried to tell the pain to fuck off while walking and just kept going. I didn't walk for long. But interestingly shortly after I stopped walking and sat down later the pain began to subside. This helped me so much in fully confirming that TMS is my issue and not bulging discs. I needed that too. So in a way it was quite helpful. I'll take another walk today and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    Happy Holidays All!
    Stella likes this.
  17. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    TMS is very tricky and sneaky. I have also had low back pain and neck pain. I had Scoliosis surgery when I was 16. Most of my spine is fused. A Specialist in Scoliosis told me to stop all bending.

    The Doctor said my options for the future were very limited. I gave up gardening which breathed life into me.

    Now I play sports. I shovel snow. I work in my garden. I do it all. I too have disc issues. Read my story.
    intense50 and hecate105 like this.
  18. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    @Stella, you are an inspiration. Thanks for your wonderful story. :) That's the way it's done.
    Stella likes this.
  19. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    5 years later I am still working my program. It helps to keep me mentally and physically healthy. It continues to be challenging because of my extreme personality traits. But the wiki gave me the tools. I will be grateful for the rest of my life.

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