More Talk, More Intense Pain

I have been talking about my repressed emotions for the last three months, and yet my back pain is generally getting worse. My RSI are generally getting less and less.

Am I doing something terribly wrong?

I believe my hatred of my mum is central to the TMS.

 

Hi NIClubber,

What I hear is that you are making progress and the symptoms are moving around. Maybe this sounds simplistic, and is not a relief, but that is what I see.

To me, this is a powerful thing to understand. Part of exploring with the journaling is that information arises. And we can put two and two together. How does hating your mom create TMS? Do you believe you were repressing this kind of hate, to someone so important? If so, you have TMS causes. Maybe the repression, surpression is still going on?

In my experience too, as I understand more, my Inner Critic gets activated. For me it would be "Thats' wrong to hate your mom." As I learn more about what makes me tick, with that information inevitably comes judgement, and forms of self-rejection. So I always have to defend my right to have all these feelings, from the Inner Critic attacks. So I wonder if your journalling and learning is also causing other pressures to arise? Just some thoughts....

Andy B

 

I now have a belief that the root cause of the TMS is REGRET, as I often find myself reflecting back to an experience that I wished I'd done or said something different.

I'll be going to a therapist later to discuss this, so will update the thread if it makes a massive reduction to my pain levels.

 

Hi, NIClubber. Feeling as you do about your mother is bound to create a lot of pain. It's a "perfect storm" example of TMS.

My older brother said, "I love Mom. I just don't like her."

He had lots of TMS but never knew what caused him to be in pain and to smoke and drink too much.

Our Mom was a very loving and caring mother but as she grew old she became impossible to please.
That happens to a lot of seniors. My older sister cared for her for several years until she couldn't do it any longer.
My brother never tried. He asked me to look after Mom and I did but had to give up after about two years.
That left me with guilt

I think you'll need to do some journaling to spell out why you hate your mother.
Try also to understand where she's coming from. She probably has TMS repressed emotions.
The more I learned about my mother through journaling, the more I was able to forgive her.
That led to my severe back pain going away.

 

To me, this is the Inner Critic. In my understanding of Dr. Sarno's work, the Super Ego (more or less the Inner Critic) puts tremendous pressure on our child self to behave and feel differently. And the reaction can be Rage that it is being treated with such non-attunement by an inner parent figure. Or hurt....or sadness for not being seen and held.

Perhaps the regret you feel is a huge clue about your symptoms. Good luck in exploring this.

 

The main reason I picked out regret is that I often find myself thinking about past events or experiences and thinking 'What If I had done/said something else ...'. I also had my father die nearly two months ago and realised I hadn't spent as much time with him as I probably should have done, when he was lying in various hospital beds dying of multiple advanced cancers.

I do have a strong belief that the root cause of my pain is TMS, or at least TMS related. I'm just having great difficulty in figuring out what emotion(s) I am repressing. I have written or talked about just about all the emotions I can think of, and the back pain is just getting more intense as I go forward.

 

I understand about the regrets with your father's death. I have lost my father and two brothers. It seems to me, no matter how much we attended--or not--to our passed loved ones, that the regret will linger. Maybe it harkens back to our childhood thinking that we are "responsible" for everything around us, and so we sort of blame ourselves unconsciously for the loss. Then we find particular failings in our interactions to hang this feeling on...

The questions, in my view you might (or I might) inquire about: If I have regret, do I have sadness? Is the regret covering over direct contact with sadness? (In other words, regret to me has a sense of "should have" which invokes a sort of fantasy that involves doing, even in the past. Doing, or believing there is something to be done is a distraction from just the rank, devastating experience of the sadness of loss.) How much of the regret is a sense of hopelessness about the past and how much is Inner Critic making me feel wrong about my past actions? If my Inner Critic is constantly beating me up, what is the effect of this? If I feel responsible for how others suffered, what is the effect on me? On different parts of me?

I think some people seem to find the "exact thing" that emotionally or stress-wise kicked of their TMS. Others, like me just see the whole egoic hell realms of pressure, Inner Critic activity, hurt and sad parts of myself---the whole list is plenty enough for me to see and feel that I would want to--and do--repress and suppress awareness of these painful feelings and conflicts. Right there I have the cause for TMS and symptoms, and then therefore I can treat TMS.

I am glad you are getting counseling. In my opinion, anything that surfaces that connects to Dr. Sarno's work is evidence to start applying to your cure. Good luck in this, and I hope you stay the course and don't give up, regardless of symptoms.

 

My father's cancers only came to light five to six weeks before he died when he had the second of his three strokes, which took away the use of his left arm, after the first took away his balance/co-ordination. His third stroke in the weekend before he died took away his speech, which would have been horrible as he was a university lecturer for 30+ years. From then, it was all very quick and he died in the space of five to six weeks.

I'm becoming increasingly depressed as I can't seem to discover the root emotion(s) of what I'm repressing.

I also have a great desire to be able to take this theory of TMS worldwide, and help people all over the world to reduce their physical pain. I believe this has probably increased since my dad's death, as there was clearly nothing I could do to help him live any longer.

 

Andy B, it's ironic that you talk about my mum and TMS, as I believe she has the classic symptoms of the condition - physical pain, which she is blaming on the osteoporosis that she got diagnosed with 2-3 years ago!!

 

Again, I had another therapy session yesterday (Tuesday) and felt like there had been a dramatic reduction in the pain after talking about being angry at the amount of control my mum has put on my life and also the amount I have let her have. Then, when I woke up this morning, it was like I had gone back a step and the pain in my back and hips had got a lot worse.

Any ideas???

 

Hang in there buddy. The truth wants to be known. When my pain would get worse I would take it as a sign something was shifting. You might be on the right track. Keep focusing on the psychological and let the symptoms come. Good things come to those who wait.

Your shadow wants to be known, there will be ups and downs involved, Its all part of the process. Everything is coming to you in its own time. wishing you the best of luck. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

I wonder if it is jealously of all the people who don't seem to have these sorts of pains!!!!

 

I tried for two years to care for my mother but she ate me alive. She wore out my older sister,
and my older brother never even tried. She was impossible to please. I think we can only do so much
for them and save room for our own lives. Funny, but I still feel guilty that I couldn't caring for her.

It used to infuriate me when I would drive us to Sunday morning Mass and she would introduce me to the priest
as "My chauffeur." Not her son!

 

I think the therapy session did me help and seemed to significantly reduce the hip and lower back pain.

Then I was chatting online to a woman I'd love to spend time with, but she is travelling through Europe (she is originally from Toronto and I'm in Belfast) at the moment, and the pain increased over the next few hours.

The new pain might be jealousy as I know I have a massive amount of credit card debt and therefore cannot go and meet her.

 

It seems to me that having "a massive amount of credit card debt" would be a huge source of stress. So probably knowing you can't travel because of your debt triggered TMS. I suggest exploring those issues with your therapist.

But that is great that your therapy session significantly reduced your pain. Having those experiences of connecting mind and body are critical to healing. Hang in there. You are on the right track.

Wishing you the best....

 

That'll be the next chat I'll have with one of my therapists .....