Today, as usual, I start my TMS work and start the educational reading. (http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/MonteH:_Investigate_Your_Emotions (MonteH: Investigate Your Emotions)) I'm reading it, slowly, so that I can let it all soak in. And then I read this: You should regularly (hundreds of times per day) be investigating what is going on with you. Wait. What? Hundreds of times per day?! *breaks out calculator* So, assuming 16 waking hours, and 200 being a low estimate for hundreds, that would be.... every five minutes?! At the very least? OK, this sounds counterintuitive, but my usual logical way of thinking has not served me well, so, I'm game. Let's give it a try. What's going on with me? ** Hm, this is making me anxious. Anxiety. I can feel it rising in my throat. It's getting worse. Just let it be. Just accept it. Nothing's going to happen, OK? You're safe. Keep breathing. Just riiiiiide it out, you can do it. And I can. I feel calmer already. Now what? Do it again? I guess so. So, now what's going on with me? Aaaand, back to ** After a couple of rounds, I get tired of it, and I get up. Immediate limp. That has never happened inside the house, and yet, how very predictable! I sit down again, and give it another try. What's going on now? This time immense sadness is what's going on. Sadness and despair, I can't even be bothered to think about what might be causing this despair, but I'm letting it wash over me. And it subsides. I get up, because frankly, I've had it for now. No limping. I can't do this all day, I just can't. And forget about doing the journalling exercise. Not going to happen, not today. I'm going to watch some giggling babies and frolicking kittens on YouTube, is what. I do kinda sorta understand what's going on here, but not totally. It's like I can see it, but I can't reach it. It's confusing and hard and painful.