Moment of clarity

I'm listening to this Jay Z song and trying trying trying to thank God for giving me this pain as a way to finally come to truth with my feelings -- this is a moment of clarity. The pain is so intense that I can't ignore it.
I've been repressing so much for so long that I'm unable to even trust my brain to tell me how I'm feeling. My body will keep me honest. I'm clenching my teeth/gripping the steering wheel/balling my fists/experiencing leg and butt spasms -- ok stop. What are the emotions right now?
This is such hard work.
This may be the hardest thing I've ever done.
OmG I'm angry and have rage and have sadness and feel lonely and lost. And it hurts.
But I don't think I could admit to myself that I have these feelings if I weren't in such bad pain.
So - Jay Z again - thank god for granting me this moment of clarity this moment of honesty.

 

It stinks to have to deal with so much turmoil to get to the bottom of it, but I'm glad you are doing the hard work and better days are ahead, I'm sure of it.

 

Thank you for your reply. I needed friendly vibes today!!

 

Write down what "lost" feels like to you. What "Lonely" feels like. Not why you're lonely, but what it feels like: aching, silent, etc. That will often lead to a memory of when "loneliness" set in and you repressed it. I hope this helps.
Peace.