Day 4 Mind took me on a detour

[mstlymebutmstlyu]

I haven't exercised in 2 months. The last movement i did was walk my dog, do some shoveling and my performance at work which is physical.

I did kind of complain about walking the dog in the cold- so I would just let him out quickly in the yard. Was despising my job for being too much work I didn't have a second to myself. Now I only dream about doing those things again.

That's when the detour happened that strayed me away from thinking that I have TMS. The dreaming of what I cannot do. The grief and despair and guilt for damming my life when I was healthy. This way of thinking drove me mad for almost two days. Driving me to post my horrific mri picture on this site, contacting a tms doctor who calls my symptoms a red flag case " tms should not cause loss of motor function". I then reached out and made an appt for acupuncture and then ultimately a doctor for surgery. This was my thought process after feeling so strong.

I don't like this feeling sorry for myself. When I believed I had tms prior to my mental break down I felt good. Took a walk outside without crutches.

I had to go back and re read success stories such as baseball fan from week 1. I believe I have TMS because of my personality and how I handle things and the negative emotions that are buried.

I'm determined to believe I have tms and not worry that my disc is impinging a nerve.

I enjoyed feeling the power from within not weak and powerless.

To the tms gurus. Have any of you over comers ever faced your mind detouring you into believing for even a second that you do not have tms but something more serious?

Journal exercise tms list
Current stressors
1. Physical tension
2. Having to move in two months because my partner needs space. Going home to share a room with my mother
3. Letting my father berate my intelligence.
4. Feeling out of control- emotionally , mentally and with my diet.

 

[nowtimecoach]

oh mstly - my compassion goes out to you. I had pretty much done every single test possible so I knew without a doubt that I had TMS simply because it couldn't be anything else. However I've had bouts of extremely painful symptom imperatives that definitely detoured me. My knees felt like they had knives driven into them making it very painful to walk. And this was something that I had never had before AND I had done nothing physical to get it going. Maybe a little jogging but absolutely nothing to warrant that kind of pain. I stayed the course because I have read so many TMS recovery books and kept walking with the pain and prayed it would get better. Then one day - maybe about a week and a half - it left without any warning. Then a couple of weeks ago - I had this crazy assed pain in my foot. I mean, I really thought I had broken it somehow. I couldn't even lay ice on it because the pressure was too much. I thought about going to the hospital for some X-rays. Again... I thought it through and realized I had done NOTHING to structurally cause the pain. I went to a movie I didn't want to go to, spent the day doing what my partner wanted to do instead of listening to my heart and THAT is what caused the pain. The next day it was GONE. What carried me through all this, was all the supported reading I do around TMS, reading this forum and all the different categories. Remembering people's stories and somehow - the process keeps unfolding.
Be kind to yourself first and foremost. You will get better. Believe that you will be better! We are here to tell you so! From your current stressors that you listed, you have a lot going on. Its time to be the absolute best friend you can be to yourself right now. That alone will help with your healing. You're in the thick of this process and I'm here to pat you on your back for going through it and writing about it. Blessings to you!