Mind body disorders firing on all fronts

I am sorry to report that since 2020, my mind-body and TMS disorders have been firing on all fronts. The medical community is seducing me back into its model. The stressors- even the good things- have been enormous. I am a grandmother now, and also "grandmother" to a family of Afghan refugees to whom we have rented (with the help of philanthropic organizations and a support team. I had 2020 COVID and was hospitalized. I got it at a march 2020 group therapy conference which traumatized me on many levels. A number of good friends have died in the last two years- not of COVID, each one a shock, even when anticipated. I have been conducting my practice on ZOOM and am considerably less mobile. I have added arthritis back into the mix, even with a return of the back pain I had conquered! I have gastro disorders, apparently caused by eating problems I had in my teens! I have lost mobility. I try to attend a dance class for people my age. Walking is hard for me. At the beginning of the pandemic I was able to hike on a hilly campus near me. Now sciatica has moved in. The symptoms pile on each other. I pulled out my Sarno books, and reminded myself of the true source of all this pain, but the losses and limitations make me sad and angry. I am only turning 67. I can't get my brother to read Sarno. He uses a cane. His wife had double knee replacements. My brother had kidney cancer- not Mind-body, but still. I rage, rage against the dying of the light! a podiatrist told me I can no longer wear half of my shoe collection because of hallux. I read there is no cure except surgery, and even then. I know I did the best when I found Healing Back Pain, and can use a little encouragement to get back there. Every week I am either troubled by heartburn, joint pain, knee pain and so on. Too many people tell me it's the body, it's aging, it's irreversible. But you know better. I am even traumatized by trying to write the story of my mother, a true TMS patient if there ever was one...arthritis, sciatica, Bel's Palsy, hiatus hernia, cancer (caused my many other things- let's not blame the victim) high blood pressure and early death. I will try to join the forum today but I have sworn to use the day to clean my office/studio. I know it's psychological, but my beloved psychiatrist is retiring, and I am ridden with fear of being apathologized by a new one. GAAK- I need support!!

 

So many stressors, and yes, it really sounds like TMS. why not slowly work on reducing some of your stress? A few days ago someone gave the advice to change one thing every few weeks.
Can you do that?
Seek what you CAN control snd drop what you can not. Do you have any control over someone elses tms, symptoms or belief? Does thinking, worrying or ruminating about their situations serve you in any way other than to keep you from your own wellness? Does focusing on everything in your life not going how you envision things keep you from finding some peace and joy?
You already have all these answers, you already know! You merely have to remind your fearful brain that you are ok! At 67 you are going dancing, you have conquered tms before, you are strong of mind and that you deserve to find peace, to enjoy life.
You can get back on track. Why not do the SEP again and practice reframing thoughts, to remind yourself of that “tms personality” that you can disengage from, that YOU are worth focusing on, that your body is not broken because someone else who is paid to tell you it is, does. Find some self calming and then look to find your new therapist if you need one. It might be s fantastic opportunity to learn to trust someone else, to find a mind/body focused therapist if yours is not or try a different approach: a tms coach, or psychotherapist. It’s also s great way to remind yourself of your resiliency, that your mind can and will handle this, to figure out what you want from your therapy, and to show yourself massive kindness during this hard season in your life.

 

Thank you for your empathy. I not only am a therapist, I have one who is non-pathologizing and wise in the field. My insomnia could have been treated as TMS years ago, but at this stage in my life, a little empathy from a prescriber goes a long way- don't f*** with my sleep. I posted the conversation I received privately--the "calling out." You can see how defensive and angry I got. I don't post here often anymore but have never found it an arrogant "I know you better than you know yourself" kind of place. I will try to come to the group chat today. It's been a long time, and I apologize for not being able to pick up the role of facilitator a few years ago. Just can't take on more.