homorobothead
Well known member
Hello everyone!
Firstly, thank you again for all of your comments and support. It really means a lot to me to have folks take time from their day to give such excellent advice.
I did the meditation today, and I will confess that I am a pretty seasoned meditator and yoga practitioner, but obviously all of that did little to control my pain, especially since I was using it with "outcome dependency," as Alan Gordon talks about.
Today, I used a 6 minute guided body scan meditation on Youtube after writing about some pretty intense stuff in my journal. I always have the wiggles when I start meditating, and sometimes that leads to me to worry (the oppposite of what we want with meditation!) that I am "not allowed" to move my body, and that I need to have my head stacked just right over my spine, and that I need to have my hands just right, and my breathing needs to be perfectly diaphramatic and then I end up more tense.
But not today!
Today I just let myself wiggle a litttle and accepted that my head might not be perfect, but it was comfortable. I did have some anxious thoughts about my breathing, as diaphramatic breathing feels so intense, almost like gulping down water, but I calmed down and was able to just relax and what do you know? My pain is at a zero. I haven't had a zero pain moment in months.
I am so judgemental of myself sometimes, so abusive, so worried about everything being just right that I forget to just enjoy breathing, or a breeze on my face, or my dog bringing me his favorite toy.
Again, thank you all so much for reading and providing this amazingly kind space (a real rarity on the internet).
Firstly, thank you again for all of your comments and support. It really means a lot to me to have folks take time from their day to give such excellent advice.
I did the meditation today, and I will confess that I am a pretty seasoned meditator and yoga practitioner, but obviously all of that did little to control my pain, especially since I was using it with "outcome dependency," as Alan Gordon talks about.
Today, I used a 6 minute guided body scan meditation on Youtube after writing about some pretty intense stuff in my journal. I always have the wiggles when I start meditating, and sometimes that leads to me to worry (the oppposite of what we want with meditation!) that I am "not allowed" to move my body, and that I need to have my head stacked just right over my spine, and that I need to have my hands just right, and my breathing needs to be perfectly diaphramatic and then I end up more tense.
But not today!
Today I just let myself wiggle a litttle and accepted that my head might not be perfect, but it was comfortable. I did have some anxious thoughts about my breathing, as diaphramatic breathing feels so intense, almost like gulping down water, but I calmed down and was able to just relax and what do you know? My pain is at a zero. I haven't had a zero pain moment in months.
I am so judgemental of myself sometimes, so abusive, so worried about everything being just right that I forget to just enjoy breathing, or a breeze on my face, or my dog bringing me his favorite toy.
Again, thank you all so much for reading and providing this amazingly kind space (a real rarity on the internet).