Had a long weekend with my Unconscious mind...so long that I had to give him a name, UV (you-vie). My nick name is Vandy, so I thought I would name my unconscious, Unconscious Vandy or UV. We had such massive battles due to the influx of pain being delivered, I had to give him a name. I needed to know who I was speaking to AND that he knew he was being spoken to if that makes any sense. I understand that there are different forms of communicating to UV, sometimes stern and angry, other times compassionate and asking whats wrong, etc.
Lately I find myself if negotiations with UV. Basically saying I will do a better job listening so don't drop the hammer on me and put our body in full spasm mode just to get my attention. A faint pain in the arm should suffice and I will come to your attention. I hoping this way of communicating works. Made a deal with him this morning.
I woke up feeling ok, slept well considering and did what I normally do....check my phone and began answering texts and emails from work. My territory is 2hrs ahead so I like to answer things as soon as I get up to give direction, answer any questions if needed, THEN go get ready. As I was trying to get out of bed, a quick back spasm...nothing to heavy, but enough to jolt me. I hobbled over to bathroom and realized I felt vulnerable. Meaning, I could tell my left thigh was trembling and lacking oxygen. Since I started this program, UV has moved the pain into my leg, making me walk gingerly in fear of a spasm. When it spasms, my leg gives out so my back tries to compensate and then it spasms and I go down for the count.
Anyway, I had to take some time to figure out what the problem was. After much deliberation, I asked myself, what was the trigger. And the only thing that came to mind was dealing with my work stuff. "But it wasn't stressful stuff," I told UV, but it was work. And no doubt, there are parts of my job that are stressful and tie into the financial stress of things, etc. However, I explained that I need to be able to handle work issues, without him jamming me up with TMS! Then I remembered something I read explaining that we need to take care of ourselves 1st as TMSers. As "Doo-Gooders" we put the needs of others ahead of our own. In such a current fragile state, I believe I need to be more attentive to my needs. So I made a deal...
I told UV that I promise to not look at my phone until after we meditate and clear our head in the shower (Since I was a kid, hot showers were a soothing environment for me to clear my head and just BE). In addition, I asked him to take it easy on the signals/alerts. I am listening UV. I told him we will make a great team once we learn how to communicate with each other better.Side note; this part still upsets me that these defense mechanisms come in such debilitating form for me, makes no sense??? How that is supposed to "defend" me. However, I know that emotions need to come out some how, I just need to learn how to break the circle that leads to pain as it is explained in Day 7.
Nevertheless, I am curious how tomorrow will go...
Lately I find myself if negotiations with UV. Basically saying I will do a better job listening so don't drop the hammer on me and put our body in full spasm mode just to get my attention. A faint pain in the arm should suffice and I will come to your attention. I hoping this way of communicating works. Made a deal with him this morning.
I woke up feeling ok, slept well considering and did what I normally do....check my phone and began answering texts and emails from work. My territory is 2hrs ahead so I like to answer things as soon as I get up to give direction, answer any questions if needed, THEN go get ready. As I was trying to get out of bed, a quick back spasm...nothing to heavy, but enough to jolt me. I hobbled over to bathroom and realized I felt vulnerable. Meaning, I could tell my left thigh was trembling and lacking oxygen. Since I started this program, UV has moved the pain into my leg, making me walk gingerly in fear of a spasm. When it spasms, my leg gives out so my back tries to compensate and then it spasms and I go down for the count.
Anyway, I had to take some time to figure out what the problem was. After much deliberation, I asked myself, what was the trigger. And the only thing that came to mind was dealing with my work stuff. "But it wasn't stressful stuff," I told UV, but it was work. And no doubt, there are parts of my job that are stressful and tie into the financial stress of things, etc. However, I explained that I need to be able to handle work issues, without him jamming me up with TMS! Then I remembered something I read explaining that we need to take care of ourselves 1st as TMSers. As "Doo-Gooders" we put the needs of others ahead of our own. In such a current fragile state, I believe I need to be more attentive to my needs. So I made a deal...
I told UV that I promise to not look at my phone until after we meditate and clear our head in the shower (Since I was a kid, hot showers were a soothing environment for me to clear my head and just BE). In addition, I asked him to take it easy on the signals/alerts. I am listening UV. I told him we will make a great team once we learn how to communicate with each other better.Side note; this part still upsets me that these defense mechanisms come in such debilitating form for me, makes no sense??? How that is supposed to "defend" me. However, I know that emotions need to come out some how, I just need to learn how to break the circle that leads to pain as it is explained in Day 7.
Nevertheless, I am curious how tomorrow will go...
