Hi,
For me, this has been a long time coming, and I'll try to keep this brief, as I'm sure we're all aware, it's easy to write a book on our lived experiences. I have summarised my experience at the bottom for those who don't want the long read, and also posted some questions I have.
About me
I'm in my mid 30's, in a happy relationship with my partner. Doing well in work. Scored 0 on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) test, I had a happy childhood. My dad fell seriously ill whilst on holiday when I was about 8, he eventually pulled through, and that's probably my traumatic childhood event, even though I was probably too young to properly remember much of it. My mum would always describe me as a worrier, but through much of my life anxiety was never something I sought help for, as I would worry about something and then move on.
2022 - Where it begins
There's not a gentle way to say this. I was playing with an object in my bottom, and when I pulled it out, it was red with blood. I went to A&E (ER to Americans), got checked out, they found nothing wrong and hypothesised that I had torn or burst a haemorrhoid.
But now I had this low level pain in my lower right abdomen, and this is where my journey with Chronic pain begins.
My GP did blood tests, stool samples etc. nothing came back abnormal. I was put on a long waiting list to be referred to gastroenterology.
So I waited, waiting with the convinced position that I had done an injury to myself.
In 2022, my dad also passed away under difficult circumstances.
As 2022 progressed I experienced, brain fog, palpitations, headaches, vision issues (eye test came back fine).
I felt like I was back and fourth to the doctors about a range of symptoms.
(Looking back, much of these I feel are tied together now, but back then, I hadn't a clue.)
2023 - Flare up
In 2023 we took a trip to visit friends in the US. Whilst abroad, my left abdominal pain flared up. I went into full panic mode, panic attacks, racing thoughts, the works. A US doctor gave me a look over, thought it was diverticulitis and gave me antibiotics. No diagnostic tests were done at this stage. I came home soon after and the pain subsided.
After I got back, I had a colonoscopy, it reported a few diverticulum (small out-pouching of the intestinal wall common with age), but no visible inflammation, biopsies also came back clear.
The pain remained, but now it had a new best friend: Health Anxiety.
2024 - Spiral
My obsession around my health got worse, I couldn't break the cycle of worrying what might happen next.
I was put on an SSRI, I read the leaflet, and at the bottom of potential side effects listed diverticulitis. A few days into taking them, my pain flared up again.
The first quarter of the year rolled by, and I had a few further flare ups of pain after this. On one of the flare ups, a stool sample was taken which showed increased inflammation (getting this result triggered another flare up as it happens...). A discussion was had with the doctor as to what was going on, they settled on my stress and anxiety preventing the body returning to a calm state, my insides had become hypersensitized. (Gastroenterologist had also ruled out IBD at this stage). I was told that I had Functional Pain, effectively a hyper-sensitization of my insides where normal function was misrepresented as pain.
By chance I was given a book to read by a friend. "The Way Out" by Alan Gordon with Alon Zov. It was revelatory. I consumed it in a week, absorbing page after page. As I read it, my pain didn't seem so scary anymore, I'd found a credible reason for my pain. For this week, the pain didn't seem so painful either.
By time June rolled around, I'd not had any sort of issue for a couple of months until I was scheduled to take a work trip, and the night before, it reappeared. At this point, it had played its hand, there was a clear link between me going long distance, and my pain flaring up the evening before. I still went.
During a subsequent flare-up one night (I'd been worrying over the course of the day) I practiced somatic tracking, something happened that I never expected, the pain subsided. I couldn't believe it! I was overjoyed, and now couldn't sleep due to excitement rather than pain.
My fear of my pain had been broken, I was still aware of it, but I didn't fear it as much, I still have moments where it does, but I try to catch myself.
My pain has now also developed on the right side of my abdomen, I've wondered if this is because I don't fear my other pain as much, but my body needs to keep me in 'fear mode'. Its honestly working too...
Summary
The Question(s)
What has brought me here, and finally brought me to make an account and engage with the community is some guidance on a few bits:-
For me, this has been a long time coming, and I'll try to keep this brief, as I'm sure we're all aware, it's easy to write a book on our lived experiences. I have summarised my experience at the bottom for those who don't want the long read, and also posted some questions I have.
About me
I'm in my mid 30's, in a happy relationship with my partner. Doing well in work. Scored 0 on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) test, I had a happy childhood. My dad fell seriously ill whilst on holiday when I was about 8, he eventually pulled through, and that's probably my traumatic childhood event, even though I was probably too young to properly remember much of it. My mum would always describe me as a worrier, but through much of my life anxiety was never something I sought help for, as I would worry about something and then move on.
2022 - Where it begins
There's not a gentle way to say this. I was playing with an object in my bottom, and when I pulled it out, it was red with blood. I went to A&E (ER to Americans), got checked out, they found nothing wrong and hypothesised that I had torn or burst a haemorrhoid.
But now I had this low level pain in my lower right abdomen, and this is where my journey with Chronic pain begins.
My GP did blood tests, stool samples etc. nothing came back abnormal. I was put on a long waiting list to be referred to gastroenterology.
So I waited, waiting with the convinced position that I had done an injury to myself.
In 2022, my dad also passed away under difficult circumstances.
As 2022 progressed I experienced, brain fog, palpitations, headaches, vision issues (eye test came back fine).
I felt like I was back and fourth to the doctors about a range of symptoms.
(Looking back, much of these I feel are tied together now, but back then, I hadn't a clue.)
2023 - Flare up
In 2023 we took a trip to visit friends in the US. Whilst abroad, my left abdominal pain flared up. I went into full panic mode, panic attacks, racing thoughts, the works. A US doctor gave me a look over, thought it was diverticulitis and gave me antibiotics. No diagnostic tests were done at this stage. I came home soon after and the pain subsided.
After I got back, I had a colonoscopy, it reported a few diverticulum (small out-pouching of the intestinal wall common with age), but no visible inflammation, biopsies also came back clear.
The pain remained, but now it had a new best friend: Health Anxiety.
2024 - Spiral
My obsession around my health got worse, I couldn't break the cycle of worrying what might happen next.
I was put on an SSRI, I read the leaflet, and at the bottom of potential side effects listed diverticulitis. A few days into taking them, my pain flared up again.
The first quarter of the year rolled by, and I had a few further flare ups of pain after this. On one of the flare ups, a stool sample was taken which showed increased inflammation (getting this result triggered another flare up as it happens...). A discussion was had with the doctor as to what was going on, they settled on my stress and anxiety preventing the body returning to a calm state, my insides had become hypersensitized. (Gastroenterologist had also ruled out IBD at this stage). I was told that I had Functional Pain, effectively a hyper-sensitization of my insides where normal function was misrepresented as pain.
By chance I was given a book to read by a friend. "The Way Out" by Alan Gordon with Alon Zov. It was revelatory. I consumed it in a week, absorbing page after page. As I read it, my pain didn't seem so scary anymore, I'd found a credible reason for my pain. For this week, the pain didn't seem so painful either.
By time June rolled around, I'd not had any sort of issue for a couple of months until I was scheduled to take a work trip, and the night before, it reappeared. At this point, it had played its hand, there was a clear link between me going long distance, and my pain flaring up the evening before. I still went.
During a subsequent flare-up one night (I'd been worrying over the course of the day) I practiced somatic tracking, something happened that I never expected, the pain subsided. I couldn't believe it! I was overjoyed, and now couldn't sleep due to excitement rather than pain.
My fear of my pain had been broken, I was still aware of it, but I didn't fear it as much, I still have moments where it does, but I try to catch myself.
My pain has now also developed on the right side of my abdomen, I've wondered if this is because I don't fear my other pain as much, but my body needs to keep me in 'fear mode'. Its honestly working too...
Summary
- Traumatic/stressful event made me and my body think I'd hurt myself.
- Anxiety has built up over a few years
- Repeating flare ups of pain were linked to anxiety, and the fear of it flaring up while I was away from home. Flare ups always happened just before going to bed.
- Read "The way out", gave a change of perspective and hope
- Pain started on the left side of abdomen, now occurs on the right side, but not at the same time.
- I've since read a few further books by Sarno and Schubiner. I can see myself in many of the areas they talk about.
- I've been in CBT therapy for my health anxiety, which has helped a bit, but I still can't shake the feelings of worry that come around sometimes.
- have arrived at TMS/Neuroplastic pain as being the core of my issues, but my anxiety makes me second guess this frequently.
The Question(s)
What has brought me here, and finally brought me to make an account and engage with the community is some guidance on a few bits:-
- As you start to pay attention to pain, does it tend to move, is it trying to keep you in the fear state?
- Do you find anxiety makes 100% believing a diagnosis hard, does it matter?
- I feel like I struggle to commit to doing the necessary work, as though my brain is constantly distracting me to prevent it happening, can anyone else relate?
- Is emotional work always a necessary component?
