Matters Of Degree

[Cactusflower]

Today I was watching an interview of a Doctor, which was completely non-related to TMS or chronic pain. He brought up a selection, and a fairly large selection of his patients who where anxious to have a perfect approach to health issues. These were not necessarily diseases or diagnoses they currently faced, but people with a fear that they MIGHT face them in the future. The description of these people were folks who when presented with the idea of Matters Of Degree - the grey area between perfection and the boarder of what might be considered unhealthy, and the why's surrounding that: which could be genetics, lifestyle choices etc. completely distasteful.
The Doctor noticed that their response tended to be quite vitriolic, and reactive to the point he noticed it was effecting their nervous systems. They could not tolerate the grey and could mentally only accept what seemed very black and white: "Tell Me Exactly What To Do" and I will follow those directions to perfection.

My personal interest in TMS is the personality traits side of things. To me it is incredibly obvious when people make posts, where their personality traits lay and I think it is one of the most important yet most overlooked places in healing. It is the essence of mindset and how to make shifts.

Some people have argued that personality traits "can't be changed" - here's a simplistic definition of personality trait: "A trait is a distinguishing characteristic, quality or behavioral pattern of an individual. It represents a stable, recurring way a person thinks, feels, or acts, and is shaped by both genetic inheritance and environmental factors."

Notice this says SHAPED genes or environment - Shaped is a matter of degree, it is not an absolute. Can it be changed - yes. Can the change be incredibly difficult and challenging - of course. That is the essence of the work we do. Do you have to change the personality traits: maybe (once again, it's a matter of degree), depends. Nothing is absolute and nobody is exactly the same. My personal take on it is that your personality traits become triggers to emotional responses and that can absolutely be changed OR utilized to your advantage.

How might you use a personality trait to your advantage? Let's say you have a very legalistic personality - you find empathy difficult although you might be an incredibly sensitive individual. You see the humanity of yourself but it's hard to accept the entire compass of humanity in others. You live by a set of rules that govern your life and you tend to impose those rules on others. Anyone breaking those rules can be very upsetting and a trigger for you - anything that operates in the grey areas is a struggle. A person with these traits might choose a job where these traits are valued: highly detail oriented jobs that require precision: an actuary or a records keeper, providing legal services, contract compliance etc. At home, you might struggle with traditional hobbies but practice living in a highly organized space. These are ways you can work those personality traits to your advantage, however in other areas of your life you might need to change your reaction to any triggers that someone or something crossing your black and white boarders creates so that it doesn't raise the alarm bells that mean their actions create an unsafe mental environment for you.

I find reading fiction books and watching things that have nothing to do with chronic pain or TMS highly enlightening for my own internal development. You might find branching out and seeing how these things reflect on you personally to be as advantageous.

 

[BloodMoon]

Great post, @Cactusflower!

however in other areas of your life you might need to change your reaction to any triggers that someone or something crossing your black and white boarders creates so that it doesn't raise the alarm bells that mean their actions create an unsafe mental environment for you.

Exactly right, imo. In relation to this, and in doing mind-body work, I was thinking about the idea of turning the black down into a dark grey in baby steps. The challenge is that black-and-white thinking often gets in the way of taking those steps.

What I’ve noticed, though, is that sometimes the symptoms themselves wear people down into grey thinking. After enough uncertainty, setbacks, and experiences that don’t fit neat categories, people gradually become more able to live in the grey.

For some people, myself included, that shift doesn’t happen until things become severe. In my case, as you know, I became bedridden. It was only when the search for certainty, control, and definitive answers had been exhausted that I found myself thinking in shades of grey, with behaviour to match. I became grateful for anything I could do, and any progress or improvement was appreciated without needing it to be perfect.

 

[Cactusflower]

I had 0 idea I was searching for perfect and pushing beyond the limits. None at all.
All my life I had received messages that I did not work hard enough and was irresponsible: from employers, co-workers, family members, doctors, practitioners, PT's I had no idea until my TMS coaches pointed out that I was actually highly responsible, overly caring, and pushed not just beyond limits but to space. That it was actually the insecurity of others, their judgements etc. that were the cause of their criticisms which cemented that black and white thinking.
That's when developed the idea of standing in the middle of a giant circle, in a large field and having a 2nd self walk that circle and look at the middle of the circle me so I could really see what was happening from a distance.
One day my amazing EMDR therapist had a session where she just talked about her impressions, judgements, observations etc. of me. What she spoke of where the things I had already written down (without her seeing them) as my true self. Her first point was my open mindedness and ability to sense things like Black and White thinking which she proved was learned over time, and not a "true" personality trait. It was then I could better use the SEP to get so much deeper into the idea of these traits.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

My personal take on it is that your personality traits become triggers to emotional responses and that can absolutely be changed OR utilized to your advantage.

Agreed