New Program Mastery Experience

It has been a week now since my last setback, feeling better and generaly I think the turnaround is getting shorter but because there is a different symptom with every setback it makes it harder to believe I can do this. Small wins is what keeps me going and how quickly I can get from being depressed to having the time of my life. Because every time I do let go of the fear it is a small success. The problem is, I dont know how to deal with anxiety and depression, it is the worse symptom for me, it makes my mind and thoughts blurry, I start doubting anything and everything, I can't control the storm of thoughts in my mind no matter how mindfull I try to be. And the brain knows I'm absoultely terified of the uncertainty it gives me. It almost feels like having actual phyiscal pain is much easier to endure. I start thinking can it be that this is also TMS or am I imagining, can such a feeling of emptiness and fear be TMS, why is my brain doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Nothing, I did nothing wrong. It is all the things that happened to me that made me like this.