Think of a person in your life from whom you hide your emotions.
This would be my entire family (relatives). The only person I can now show my true emotions to - is my partner, however it doesn't always work well. Sometimes he can't handle my emotions well, maybe because I express them in a negative or harmful to him way.. and then I feel even worse than before sharing (but that's rather an exception).
As I remember myself I've been a person, who holds everything inside, especially feelings and emotions that make me look weak. I don't know exactly why and how, but I developed an alter ego during living at my family home until I turned 19. Maybe because my personality wasn't fitting into the norms and standards of the family, and I sensed it. No matter how bad I felt and whatever pain I underwent, I didn't share it with my mom, dad or sisters. Have to say, that they are wonderful, loving people. I actually quite often felt that I didn't deserve this family. From a young childhood I remember few episodes, where I was neglected and not understood by my parents - maybe this is when it started and I closed up. When I was about 8, I got a large and sever burn on my leg. I hid it for 2 hours from my mom until it was unbearable, I just didn't want to upset her, thought that I strong enough to handle it myself. This ended at a hospital, the burn was so big.
At 19 years old I moved to another country, I was very inspired, opened myself up to the world, was uncovering my personality even for myself. Until 4 years after when I got dumped by my boyfriend, who was my first love. Then I moved to another city, closed up my true personality again, and tried to develop a new personality that would fit into new surroundings and company of people.
What is preventing you from telling this person how you feel?
Now I feel that I don't want to share with my family, just don't have a need.. I think that initially the fear of pain from being neglected or hurt again is what made me closed up my emotional world inside myself. Also a fear of looking weak. That one person that I have now (my partner) is enough for me to share what I have inside. But maybe it's a trap I don't know.. because who knows what will happen if I lose this person too.. But I'm a totally closed person now.
This would be my entire family (relatives). The only person I can now show my true emotions to - is my partner, however it doesn't always work well. Sometimes he can't handle my emotions well, maybe because I express them in a negative or harmful to him way.. and then I feel even worse than before sharing (but that's rather an exception).
As I remember myself I've been a person, who holds everything inside, especially feelings and emotions that make me look weak. I don't know exactly why and how, but I developed an alter ego during living at my family home until I turned 19. Maybe because my personality wasn't fitting into the norms and standards of the family, and I sensed it. No matter how bad I felt and whatever pain I underwent, I didn't share it with my mom, dad or sisters. Have to say, that they are wonderful, loving people. I actually quite often felt that I didn't deserve this family. From a young childhood I remember few episodes, where I was neglected and not understood by my parents - maybe this is when it started and I closed up. When I was about 8, I got a large and sever burn on my leg. I hid it for 2 hours from my mom until it was unbearable, I just didn't want to upset her, thought that I strong enough to handle it myself. This ended at a hospital, the burn was so big.
At 19 years old I moved to another country, I was very inspired, opened myself up to the world, was uncovering my personality even for myself. Until 4 years after when I got dumped by my boyfriend, who was my first love. Then I moved to another city, closed up my true personality again, and tried to develop a new personality that would fit into new surroundings and company of people.
What is preventing you from telling this person how you feel?
Now I feel that I don't want to share with my family, just don't have a need.. I think that initially the fear of pain from being neglected or hurt again is what made me closed up my emotional world inside myself. Also a fear of looking weak. That one person that I have now (my partner) is enough for me to share what I have inside. But maybe it's a trap I don't know.. because who knows what will happen if I lose this person too.. But I'm a totally closed person now.
