March 2nd Discussion Group

[Forest]

Hi all,

Once again, Saturday’s discussion was really interesting and engaging, even though we didn't end up discussing Pathways to Pain Relief. It was great to have some new people join us for the discussion, as well as some regulars. We did not record the discussion last week, but this week I do intend to. For this Saturday’s discussion, we will be looking at two case histories (Liam and Abner) described in Dr. Eric Sherman’s portion of Pathways to Pain Relief. Dr. Sarno also discussed these two cases in The Divided Mind, so if you haven’t read any of Pathways but do have a copy of The Divided Mind, feel free to read Liam’s story and Abner’s story there.

Of course, anyone is always welcome to join the discussion, regardless of whether they have done the reading or not.

For connection details, go to the new Wiki page, Saturday TMS Book Discussion Group.

I hope to see you all there!

Best,
Forest

 

[Forest]

In case anyone is curious, turns out the story of Liam (which was mentioned above) was also presented by Dr. sherman at the NYU Conference this past fall. You can watch the video of his presentation in the TMS Conference Presentations thread. Jump ahead to 1:16:25 (in the first video) to get to the part where he talks about Liam, and his reaction to watching the 1979 film The Great Santini starring Robert Duvall. In describing Liam’s reaction, Dr. Sherman says,

"During one session, Liam reported developing excruciating pain while watching the movie, The Great Santini. … Liam used his pain as a signal to drive his introspection. He described how feelings of anger toward his own father surged inside of him as he watched Santini abuse his sons. Liam added that a decent person could never harbor such hatred toward his own father. The inextricable connection between emotional experiences and physical sensations is constantly highlighted and the individual becomes adept at utilizing his knowledge about this relationship as a tool to resolve his own pain symptomatology."​

I tracked down the video, and I thought it was awesome. Robert Duvall’s character, Bull Meechum, is a no excuses, must win, failure is not an option, father who has several very intense interactions with his family throughout the film. Below is one such clip where the father has a not so friendly game of basketball with his son. Can anyone else relate to it?

 

[Forest]

I think part of the reason why The Great Santini was so powerful was that it was based on it's author's own childhood. Everything, from the physical abuse, to the confrontation, to the emotional fallout seems to have been taken from Pat Conroy's life. In fact, Pat Conroy's dad, has his own Wikipedia entry for his military service and his role in inspiring the main character of the movie. In some sense, we have three interrelated stories to discuss today (Saturday): Liam's, The Great Santini, and Pat Conroy's.

The following exercepts from a 2009 article on military.com describe the impact of Pat Conroy's childhood on his life:

Pain has a permanent place in Pat Conroy's past.

His inner child knows it's the monster under his bed.

"I think a troubled childhood is like carry-on baggage because it follows you everywhere, and I don't think I will ever get rid of it," Conroy said during a telephone interview with The Sun News from his home on Fripp Island. "I'm 63 years old, and I'm still worried about my childhood. It seems ridiculous to me."

He realizes, however, the burden he can't bury has made him who he is today -- a national bestselling author whose books create big buzz and hit the big screen.

...

In reviews by critics and fans, it has been noted repeatedly that in Conroy's latest book -- his first novel in 14 years -- the daddy in the story is a likable, lovable and life-affirming father. This is a Conroy first in a novel.

In "The Great Santini," Conroy painted a gruesome picture of a father. It was a thinly-veiled autobiography with a fiction label, and it caused a big stink. Some of Conroy's kin felt betrayed.

"My family went nuts," Conroy said. "My father went crazy. My father's parents never spoke to me again."

He had told how his muddy childhood soiled him with sadness and revealed how others got dirty, too.

"Ours was a troubled family," Conroy said. "Ours was a dangerous one, and the secret I had to hold was that my father beat up my mother, he beat up my brothers, he beat up my sisters and he beat up me. I held that secret as long I could."

Conroy said the abuse he and his family suffered at the hands of his Marine father was worse than what was described in "The Great Santini."

"My editors said, 'Nobody can be this bad,'" Conroy said, "but a lot of us live through stuff that is worse than editors can imagine."

His dad, now deceased, would tell people Conroy had a vivid imagination.

During signings of "The Great Santini," Don Conroy would sit next to his son and write, "I hope you enjoy my son's work of fiction."

"He would underline fiction five times," Conroy said.

Once he told his dad, "If you had beat me up much more, I would have been Shakespeare."

His father laughed.

His father cried uncontrollably, however, in 1994.

That was the year Conroy's younger brother, Tom Conroy, committed suicide. Don Conroy wept at the funeral.

When he and his five siblings witnessed their dad mourning, they realized he did indeed love them.

His father, who died in 1998 at 77, is the main character in the book he is working on now called "The Death of Santini," its working title.

"What shocked me about my father after The Great Santini -- he hated that book so much -- he set out to prove me wrong," Conroy said. "He was the worst father, but in the last years of his life he tried hard to be a good father and he managed to become one. He had a great last 10 years."

Since he portrayed his dad honestly in "The Great Santini," Conroy said he owed him another book "about the father who had the ability to change."

It was that dad who Conroy grew close to, the one who treated his four daughters like royalty and the one his children worshipped.

That new man who became his father was a key reason why he has some peace about his past.

Conroy has joy.

He adores his wife and fellow author, Cassandra King.

His four daughters and seven grandchildren are loves of his life.

He has stepsons he really digs.

Cooking is a pleasure for him. He's a cookbook author who loves chilled cucumber soup with dill and the seafood of Beaufort.

Conroy's life is OK, but denial isn't in his DNA.

"I don't think," he said, "that you can ever walk away from your childhood."

While there is no doubt that the past is still with him, it's inspiring how he has been able to find joy nonetheless. When Alan Gordon and others talk about the inner bully, the sense I get is that those bullying internal voices never go away completely. But one can get one's life back, find joy and savor the simple pleasures of chilled cucumber soup with dill.

Sounds pretty tasty...