Managing relationships

[lina82]

Hi! I suffer from chronic pain non stop and I find it hard to know how to behave with my family. I'm single so with family I mean my parents that I visit quite often now when I feel alone. I don't want to be the person that is constantly complaining, but I don't want to lie either when I'm in serious pain. Some times I feel it's better I don't spend time with people - I don't want to bother them. But I also know it's not healthy to start to have those kinds of thoughts.

Today it's Mother's Day here in Finland and my sister is coming here to my parents' place to celebrate with us. And I just feel I will ruin the celebration with my bad mood. But I just can't help that I'm so sad and frustrated.

I'm doing the SEP - day 9 - and I understand that this anxiety because of the pain is what I need to deal with. I also understand the psychological aspects - I have a lot of stress in my life at the moment. And grief. But some days are just so hard to get through. Most days actually.

Any thoughts on this?

 

[mike2014]

Hi Lina,

I don't believe we've spoken, so firstly, welcome to the Wiki. There are some incredibly wonderful and helpful people so you're not alone in your journey.

Our relationships are the source of most of our stressor, we crave for acceptance, belonging and companionship, so you are not alone in your thinking.

I understand your need to be fully independent and not burden others with your worries, that's a typical trait of us TMS'ers. But, sometimes, particularly in these instances it's okay to reach out and ask for help. Quite often, this inner dialogue, of not wanting to be with people because we will be a burden is a dialogue we've made up. It's a limiting belief we must strive to replace with a healthy new thought. Something meaningful and reflective of our true being.

I think you're definitely working in the right directions by following the SEP. You may wish to journal more on the topic of your relationship and really understand what your limiting beliefs are and look at ways in which to replace these, whether by EFT, Affirmations etc. I'd also recommend exploring mindfulness and deep breathing to help eleviate your anxiety.

The practice of mindfulness meditation, over a long standing period will give you the ability to bring your thought and emotion into awareness without acting upon it. The more often you practice the method the less of a hold your limiting beliefs will have over you.

I'm still on my own healing journey, but I'm hoping my insight may be of some value to you.

Have a wonderful afternoon and follow the rule I'm practicing, if it bothers you, breathe on it.

Best regards,

Mike

 

[Tennis Tom]

I would recommend presenting your TMS issues to one of the professionals here through this link:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forums/ask-a-tms-therapist.47/ (Ask a TMS Therapist)

It's free and it's TMS. Sound's like you've been depressed for a while and could use some help from a pro. Unfortunately there aren't any available in your neck of the woods and if you go to a regular shrink you'll probably feel worse then better. The motivating factor will be to get better, so you don't have to see them anymore--been there, done that.

I don't know much about the somatic therapy but it sounds like it focuses on the body to reach the mind--that's doing it backwards. TMS pain comes from the mind and radiates outward to the body. You'll feel good on the practitioner's table, but it probably won't last long, unless they deal with the core TMS issues that are in your mind. For some physical relief to reduce your TMS "RAGE SOOTHE RATIO" get a massage for body work, you'll get more bang for your buck. Just be careful they don't try to sell you something while they have you a captive audience on their table, like hundreds of dollars of blue-green algae or chi devices for ten times the mark-up on QVC.

You can also Skype or do phone sessions with TMS therapists and it will work as well as in person, shouldn't take more then a few sessions to get you on the right TMS track, a dozen max to get the point across.

Sounds like you're a pretty normal young person. You need to get out and do stuff to meet people for positive distractions to distract you from the negative ones. SteveO coined a word for this "TRACORDIFICATION", the need to interact with people. So go to your folks for Mom's day and have a drink of Finlandia to loosen up and eat, drink and be as merry as you can.

And READ, READ, READ the TMS books and videos and audios here until the TMS KNOWLEDGE PENICILLIN sinks into your sub-c, it's the fastest way get "cured".