Managing fear of upcoming surgery

K

Kira790

Newcomer
Hi - I'm new here and working through the SEP. I learned of TMS/neuroplastic symptoms in late 2025 and have made a lot of progress on symptoms (fatigue, autonomic dysfunction, pain), but the work seems to have greatly exacerbated my OCD and anxiety. I've heard this is "symptom imperative" and that makes sense. However, right now it's extremely disruptive and frankly out of control as I approach a surgery in a week's time.

The surgery is for a true structural issue - a septorhinoplasty to correct a very deviated septum and nasal collapse. I've been advised by multiple doctors to get this surgically corrected, and even my therapist says she thinks when I am getting more air my anxiety will improve.

All fine and good, that's why I decided to move forward with the surgery.

However, as I approach the surgery, my anxiety has spiraled and I am overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts. It's like I get a sudden whiplash when I am doing something else or thinking something else, my brain panics and says "oh my god what are you thinking we have SURGERY soon why aren't you worrying about surgery???" I wake up in the middle of the night to images of my nose peeled backwards and me on the operating table. I am having GI upset, am having burning in my nose (no infection or inflammation, my surgeon called it a "symptom without a sign" which is a TMS indicator if I ever heard one). And I am terrified something will go wrong - my brain is constantly running through the scenarios: I die on the table, I have anesthesia awareness, my nose comes out looking like Michael Jackson, it makes my breathing worse, it worsens my nose bleeds, etc etc etc.

This is my first ever surgery, and it's my face - so I do think some anxiety is to be expected. But this truly feels out of control - all my normal techniques are failing. Meditation - I'm unable to let the thoughts go for more than a couple of seconds, another intrusive one immediately takes it place. Messages of safety - landing flat. Fun distractions - the intrusive thoughts barge in. It is infiltrating my dreams and sleep.

The only thing that seems to help is when I get desperate enough, I yell at myself in the mirror. Not critically, just sternly telling myself "Cut it out! You are not sick and this is a good thing for you!". Not exactly meeting myself with compassion, though it helps in the moment - but is that a dangerous thing to do longer term in this work?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated regarding how to put myself in control and not my subconscious as I am trying to find some peace asap.

Thank you in advance!
 
What if it goes well? What if the surgery process is smooth, the recovery manageable? What if afterwards you can breathe so much better and your quality of life improves?

You need to give yourself some grace. It’s normal to be nervous before surgery, it’s normal to have negative thoughts and fear and even panic. But you need to acknowledge that you are doing yourself no favors by spiraling. And honestly if you carry this into your post op care then you aren’t going to even give your body a chance to heal (saying this as someone whose life got utterly derailed from obsessing about post op pain)

Honestly for situations like this I don’t even think anti anxiety meds are wrong. But you absolutely should be pushing back against the thoughts saying that things will go poorly or disastrous. Us tmsers have major negativity biases.

I’m personally not a fan of the whole cut it out trying to submit your brain dialogue. Your brain doesn’t need to be submitted, it needs genuine compassion and love. YOU need genuine compassion and love. We all do. after a lifetime of inner cruelty and abuse (yes us tmsers are usually very abusive towards ourselves) being self compassionate is one of the hardest but most important things we can do. If you can be self compassionate in this highly stressful moment, what can’t you do?
 
Rabscuttle said:
What if it goes well? What if the surgery process is smooth, the recovery manageable? What if afterwards you can breathe so much better and your quality of life improves?

You need to give yourself some grace. It’s normal to be nervous before surgery, it’s normal to have negative thoughts and fear and even panic. But you need to acknowledge that you are doing yourself no favors by spiraling. And honestly if you carry this into your post op care then you aren’t going to even give your body a chance to heal (saying this as someone whose life got utterly derailed from obsessing about post op pain)

Honestly for situations like this I don’t even think anti anxiety meds are wrong. But you absolutely should be pushing back against the thoughts saying that things will go poorly or disastrous. Us tmsers have major negativity biases.

I’m personally not a fan of the whole cut it out trying to submit your brain dialogue. Your brain doesn’t need to be submitted, it needs genuine compassion and love. YOU need genuine compassion and love. We all do. after a lifetime of inner cruelty and abuse (yes us tmsers are usually very abusive towards ourselves) being self compassionate is one of the hardest but most important things we can do. If you can be self compassionate in this highly stressful moment, what can’t you do?
Click to expand...
Thank you for this. I appreciate your time and your perspective.
 
I'm facing not one but two big (separate) surgeries, one of them very major (also for structural issues that aren't mind-body/TMS) and what I'm doing that's helping is visualizing - a number of times a day - everything going absolutely hunky-dory.

Two other suggestions:

1) When you loop, stop the thoughts in their tracks by saying to yourself or out loud: "respond, well". I've found that the brain loves an instruction! Then, do exactly that, respond well by reminding yourself how wonderful it will feel to be able to breathe well, how great it will be to get all of that oxygen to your tissues.

2) Self-soothe. I find the really simple to do techniques in these videos very calming...


This video short:


And this video:
 
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BloodMoon said:
I'm facing not one but two big (separate) surgeries, one of them very major (also for structural issues that aren't mind-body/TMS) and what I'm doing that's helping is visualizing - a number of times a day - everything going absolutely hunky-dory.

Two other suggestions:

1) When you loop, stop the thoughts in their tracks by saying to yourself or out loud: "respond, well". I've found that the brain loves an instruction! Then, do exactly that, respond well by reminding yourself how wonderful it will feel to be able to breathe well, how great it will be to get all of that oxygen to your tissues.

2) Self-soothe. I find the really simple to do techniques in these videos really calming...


This video short:


And this video:
Click to expand...
Sorry for what you’re going through Bloodmoon. I am rooting for you and wishing for the best.
 
BloodMoon said:
I'm facing not one but two big (separate) surgeries, one of them very major (also for structural issues that aren't mind-body/TMS) and what I'm doing that's helping is visualizing - a number of times a day - everything going absolutely hunky-dory.

Two other suggestions:

1) When you loop, stop the thoughts in their tracks by saying to yourself or out loud: "respond, well". I've found that the brain loves an instruction! Then, do exactly that, respond well by reminding yourself how wonderful it will feel to be able to breathe well, how great it will be to get all of that oxygen to your tissues.

2) Self-soothe. I find the really simple to do techniques in these videos very calming...


This video short:


And this video:
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for this. I had a few conversations with myself today - out loud - talking about how amazing it's going to be to breathe fully through my nose, something I haven't been able to do since I was a child, or...ever? It is already making a difference in how calm I feel. It is so wild to me how talking to yourself out loud can make such a difference.

I wish you well on your surgeries, good outcomes, and good, peaceful preparations.
 
Kira790 said:
Hi - I'm new here and working through the SEP. I learned of TMS/neuroplastic symptoms in late 2025 and have made a lot of progress on symptoms (fatigue, autonomic dysfunction, pain), but the work seems to have greatly exacerbated my OCD and anxiety. I've heard this is "symptom imperative" and that makes sense. However, right now it's extremely disruptive and frankly out of control as I approach a surgery in a week's time.

The surgery is for a true structural issue - a septorhinoplasty to correct a very deviated septum and nasal collapse. I've been advised by multiple doctors to get this surgically corrected, and even my therapist says she thinks when I am getting more air my anxiety will improve.

All fine and good, that's why I decided to move forward with the surgery.

However, as I approach the surgery, my anxiety has spiraled and I am overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts. It's like I get a sudden whiplash when I am doing something else or thinking something else, my brain panics and says "oh my god what are you thinking we have SURGERY soon why aren't you worrying about surgery???" I wake up in the middle of the night to images of my nose peeled backwards and me on the operating table. I am having GI upset, am having burning in my nose (no infection or inflammation, my surgeon called it a "symptom without a sign" which is a TMS indicator if I ever heard one). And I am terrified something will go wrong - my brain is constantly running through the scenarios: I die on the table, I have anesthesia awareness, my nose comes out looking like Michael Jackson, it makes my breathing worse, it worsens my nose bleeds, etc etc etc.

This is my first ever surgery, and it's my face - so I do think some anxiety is to be expected. But this truly feels out of control - all my normal techniques are failing. Meditation - I'm unable to let the thoughts go for more than a couple of seconds, another intrusive one immediately takes it place. Messages of safety - landing flat. Fun distractions - the intrusive thoughts barge in. It is infiltrating my dreams and sleep.

The only thing that seems to help is when I get desperate enough, I yell at myself in the mirror. Not critically, just sternly telling myself "Cut it out! You are not sick and this is a good thing for you!". Not exactly meeting myself with compassion, though it helps in the moment - but is that a dangerous thing to do longer term in this work?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated regarding how to put myself in control and not my subconscious as I am trying to find some peace asap.

Thank you in advance!
Click to expand...
The best way to limit catastrophic thinking is to return to the present moment. We do it know how it will go, no one here can give you that certainty. We all can do is return to the here and now.
 
Kira790 said:
Hi - I'm new here and working through the SEP. I learned of TMS/neuroplastic symptoms in late 2025 and have made a lot of progress on symptoms (fatigue, autonomic dysfunction, pain), but the work seems to have greatly exacerbated my OCD and anxiety. I've heard this is "symptom imperative" and that makes sense. However, right now it's extremely disruptive and frankly out of control as I approach a surgery in a week's time.

The surgery is for a true structural issue - a septorhinoplasty to correct a very deviated septum and nasal collapse. I've been advised by multiple doctors to get this surgically corrected, and even my therapist says she thinks when I am getting more air my anxiety will improve.

All fine and good, that's why I decided to move forward with the surgery.

However, as I approach the surgery, my anxiety has spiraled and I am overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts. It's like I get a sudden whiplash when I am doing something else or thinking something else, my brain panics and says "oh my god what are you thinking we have SURGERY soon why aren't you worrying about surgery???" I wake up in the middle of the night to images of my nose peeled backwards and me on the operating table. I am having GI upset, am having burning in my nose (no infection or inflammation, my surgeon called it a "symptom without a sign" which is a TMS indicator if I ever heard one). And I am terrified something will go wrong - my brain is constantly running through the scenarios: I die on the table, I have anesthesia awareness, my nose comes out looking like Michael Jackson, it makes my breathing worse, it worsens my nose bleeds, etc etc etc.

This is my first ever surgery, and it's my face - so I do think some anxiety is to be expected. But this truly feels out of control - all my normal techniques are failing. Meditation - I'm unable to let the thoughts go for more than a couple of seconds, another intrusive one immediately takes it place. Messages of safety - landing flat. Fun distractions - the intrusive thoughts barge in. It is infiltrating my dreams and sleep.

The only thing that seems to help is when I get desperate enough, I yell at myself in the mirror. Not critically, just sternly telling myself "Cut it out! You are not sick and this is a good thing for you!". Not exactly meeting myself with compassion, though it helps in the moment - but is that a dangerous thing to do longer term in this work?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated regarding how to put myself in control and not my subconscious as I am trying to find some peace asap.

Thank you in advance!
Click to expand...
check out mark freeman's youtube channel on OCD
 
Thank you for your kind wishes! I'm through surgery and the worst of recovery; just had my cast and internal splints removed. Interestingly, there were significant structural deformities on both sides of my nose that were causing breathing impairments). My surgeon fixed them all and was excited to tell me that he's confident I'll be breathing much better.

I am very grateful that I had the surgery - the first deep sniff of air after everything was removed brought tears to my eyes. I think this is going to make a huge quality of life difference for me, and I think it will be a major help with my neuroplastic symptoms and anxiety. So much of what we do to calm ourselves is breathing.

Now the bad part. The first few days following surgery were the worst I've felt my entire life. My pain was not controlled and was every type of pain imaginable (dull, sharp, throbbing, constant, burning, raw, pressure, etc). I knew then and know now that my fear of the pain and discomfort were making it worse, but I could do nothing to stop the fear. I had a hard time waking from anesthesia and my brain was in immediate fight or flight trying to wake me up. My bladder was full and painful but my muscles were not responding to relieve myself. My face hurt and I couldn't breathe at all through my nose due to the cast and internal splints. Swallowing was difficult from the anesthesia tube irritation and irritation of my facial nerves, and I felt and tasted blood trickling down my throat. I felt like I wasn't getting air even through my mouth. I was in pain and discomfort but couldn't articulate it because of how groggy I was. My vitals were great so nobody thought I was in distress. This lasted two hours, and I think that experience coupled with the delay in getting pain meds (had to wait until I was home to take meds), layered on top of the existing fear I had - led to a pretty horrendous few days. But, as with everything, it did pass and the last few days with the cast and splints were mostly discomfort (a vise grip on my face) and not acute pain. I'm giving myself grace here for many reasons, including and especially that anesthesia does shut off much of your brain - so there wasn't a lot I could do to calm myself in those early moments and then it really just got away from me.

All that to say, I'm doing well now and am very optimistic. The ride was not pleasant, and I'm still in the recovery period - congestion and swelling will ebb and flow for several weeks to months. AND, I already think it's worth it. As I continue to recover, I'm daydreaming of all the things I'll be able to do in the coming months - and how I won't be mouth-breathing and exhausted while doing them!
 
@Kira790
Thank-you for this recovery story and a frank discussion of how the body can do the things it does, how the mind follows those things but also how through a difficult experience, your body can still heal.
 
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