Day 7 Making some notes

As I stated previous I'm suspicious of course of this cough/urge to cough.

I made some notes today..."I need to speak to my unconscious mind somehow, though my actions and thoughts." I keep forgetting this. I was a home working on some of my personal work which I enjoy a lot. I reflect back on this week at my job. I feel much better every week. I feel a greater sense of belonging as I work to build community. I spend time to talk and listen to my colleagues and co workers. It's helping.

This is really new. For a decade I struggled with finding a full time job. I worked several part time ones. I never gave up, and I have always been poor. Recently this has changed for me. I love the feeling of not fliching when I pay for groceries or utilities. So I'm guessing my brain and fear has fixated on my urge to cough.

I decided to go for a run today to challenge my brain and to give it the experience of safety. My brain fought me, almost immediately I had sole pain, then Achilles and then my urge to cough turned into a restriction in my neck and collar bone. That didn't go away for half the run. I ran up a gnarly hill I felt the burning in my lungs but not a stronger urge to cough the same.

Eventually the urge subsided. It never increased or went away completely. A fear thought came to me about my cough. Disastrous ideas about my health and lungs. I've had to deal with this for years.

The day isn't over but I felt a small win in challenging this TMS hypochondria thinking. Surely I'll dip and rise again until I can make normal thinking and reacting consistent.