I am making progress. This work is rather amazing.
During journaling I wrote that I was ready to forgive. I chose the hardest person to forgive-the one who abused me at age 3. Thinking that if I could forgive him I could forgive anyone. I felt great during the days but my nights became horrible. Searing pain with no position that eased it. Sleepless nights filled with fear. Then one night as I tried to focus on my breathing, my mind spoke up. My inner child/subconscious was horrified that I wanted to forgive. So I said OK. That is not something I'd expect my 3 year old to do. I took it off the table. Decided to stand with her and not forgive. The pain went away completely. Just disappeared. I slept well for the first time in awhile. I guess I'm not ready to forgive.
During journaling I wrote that I was ready to forgive. I chose the hardest person to forgive-the one who abused me at age 3. Thinking that if I could forgive him I could forgive anyone. I felt great during the days but my nights became horrible. Searing pain with no position that eased it. Sleepless nights filled with fear. Then one night as I tried to focus on my breathing, my mind spoke up. My inner child/subconscious was horrified that I wanted to forgive. So I said OK. That is not something I'd expect my 3 year old to do. I took it off the table. Decided to stand with her and not forgive. The pain went away completely. Just disappeared. I slept well for the first time in awhile. I guess I'm not ready to forgive.