Day 32 Making mistakes

[PhillipAndr]

When I make mistakes, I sometimes feel like it’s the end of the world. I worry that I won’t be worthy of love, that I’m not good enough. If it’s not perfect, I fear I will be left alone, abandoned, destined to fail in life. It’s quite overwhelming. This reaction often happens when I’m under stress and disconnected from myself. It’s not helpful at all to live like this, but it feels like it’s the way I was programmed as a child.

I’m doing a lot of work to move out of this mindset, and I’ve discovered that when I cultivate a calm and gentle energy in my life, I allow myself to be more compassionate with myself when I make mistakes and things aren’t perfect. Activities that help me calm down include improvising music, doing yoga, singing, and engaging in playful activities without a specific outcome in mind.

My challenge at times is prioritising my time to do these activities, as I have this notion that I need to be ultra-productive all the time (probably driven by a belief that I am not good enough as I am or unworthy of love). It seems like a harmful cycle, and often I need to crash to break out of it and prioritise the activities that make me feel calm and joyful. I’m convinced that this cycle has created my symptoms. I’m gradually learning that it is okay to break free from it, to play, and to enjoy my life in more nourishing ways.

 

[Diana-M]

I’m convinced that this cycle has created my symptoms.

This is a huge finding for you! Congrats on all your hard work to learn more about yourself. Exciting!

 

[Diana-M]

I’m gradually learning that it is okay to break free from it, to play, and to enjoy my life in more nourishing ways.

What a great new way to live!

 

[Ellen]

but it feels like it’s the way I was programmed as a child.

You've had great insights and are using a lot of the strategies that will lead to your recovery. I think you would also benefit from exploring your feelings from the perspective of that child who was programmed to feel like he was never good enough. There is likely to be a lot of anger toward your parents for treating you this way. This will be painful, but will likely lead to a reduction in your TMS symptoms.