Major relapse

[CPatrick]

I've suffered from tms for about 9 years starting with back pain. About three and a half years after having chronic pain I discovered john sarnos books. I read them over and over. It took a while. But I eventually overcame my pain but not before experiencing half a dozen or more different symptoms. I've been mostly pain free for a few years now. I get flare ups from time to time. A little over a year ago I got a new pain. A dull ache in my right side. This scared the hell out of me because I've been a relatively heavy drinker for a while now and I've heard that damage to the liver can cause pain. I got blood work done. Everything is fine, but the ache remained. Eventually I got a CT scan. Still nothing. So I figured tms is playing on my fears. And then, it just went away. For about a month. Then it came back, with a vengeance! So I started journaling and doing somatic tracking. Now, in addition to the side pain, my whole torso is lit up. Back, chest, hips. It's very scary and I'm in so much pain. I feel defeated and still struggle with my belief about my side despite having overcome thus pain before. Any advice/thoughts/reassurance would be welcome

 

[Cactusflower]

CPatrick - this is one of the similar situations I find myself in.
I believe it is part of a cycle of anxietal breath holding.
The fact that you admit you are drinking "relatively heavily" is a signal that you are needing a way to dull or distract yourself from something. There is a co-relation to TMS and addiction or at least substance use distraction. Any distraction we use repeatedly to mask attending to our inner self is the same as the next.
You did a fantastic job confronting your fears with TMS, but sometimes "book cures" are simply not enough, and unrecognized internal stress from a combination of personality and subconscious psychological stuff overwhelms the nervous system again. Alcohol also interacts with the nervous system.
I notice that in your above message, you discuss your physical state, but you have not mentioned your mental state beyond the current symptoms. What was going on in your life BEFORE the current symptoms began? Can you see any kind of relation to what was going on when your initial symptoms arose? Stress, self-talk, personality traits, unattended internal rage... all the things Dr. Sarno talks about in his books?

So basically, I think it's time you have to face your internal whatever it is that can cause you physical pain...which you are starting to do by journaling and doing some somatic tracking. Why not get out your old Sarno books and re-read them again. See if anything comes up.

I've posted a link to this youtube channel several times recently, and I think it really applies to your situation. Tanner is a Canadian psychologist who has become a TMS therapist after his own journey with chronic pain...and if you look into his story, he also talks about using substances to distract from his internal state. Most recently he's also been discussing the fact he continually practices some skills daily, to make sure he's attending to his inner self, because of several flair ups in the past (he also talks about how he dealt with them). https://www.youtube.com/@painpsychotherapy

You are a TMS success! You have done a fantastic job and I have no doubt you just need a little refresher course on what is going on with your life and how you attend to yourself.

 

[CPatrick]

It's crazy. My professional life was in kind of an upheaval and at the same time I was listening to a podcast by a guy who calls himself the stop drinking coach. In, I don't know, episode 3, he's says something like, "when are you going to stop drinking? When you've lost all your friends? When your side hurts?...." I didn't think anything about it at the time. But shortly after my side started hurting. Since then the year has gotten even more stressful. Thank you. I'm going to listen to the video you sent

 

[Cactusflower]

Why not journal about listening to that podcast you heard about drinking? What emotions did that bring up for you?
Journal about how you feel about your relapse and your past tms success.
Journal about work stress, changes in your life, your emotions surrounding it. There’s so much packed into things you have said, really, all you need to do is to just go there.
In the podcast Tanner mentions this meditation. I find it’s been helpful (even though I have a hard time with Sara Blondin’s super sentimental stuff) when I am resisting journaling (like you, my symptoms are flaring and I’m reacting to stress), it’s also a good reminder of how to care for oneself with kindness.