Love to get your thoughts on this

[Bowen]

Hi,

I had an interesting experience last night. I am 12 days into my TMS structured program. So far I haven't had any positive tangible changes in pain level. I have always found it hard to link my emotions to my pain as it doesnt seem to matter what mood I am in when the pain flares up. I can be walking along quite peacefully and the pain just gets worse and worse due to the physical act of walking. I can stay in the peaceful state but it doesn't affect the pain. I sometimes go in a floatation tank and although I am in a really peaceful state mentally my pain is intense while I am in there. I dont know why. This has made connecting emotions really hard.

Last night though I had an unequivocal link with the pain and emotions. A radio station over hear does a segment called "where are they now". I used to be a professionally footballer and they wanted to interview me for 10 minutes or so. Since I retired from footy everything has been downhill physically and everything that goes along with that. I was nervous beforehand. How the hell was I going to verbalize my last 10 years in 10 minutes. Anyway I did the interview and it went really well. They were flabbergasted at what has happened and I managed to tell my story the way I wanted to. I felt validated and understood which was great as there were many misconceptions publically about me when I retired at age 24. I had to deal with a lot of emotions.

I finished the interview and I felt empowered and was buzzing. Then out of nowhere pain in my mid back started to flare up. My pain for the last few years has been predominantly in my hands, feet and face but it has changed over the years. I dont have pain free periods, it is intense and always there and very debilitating. I haven't had back pain like this in years. So now its hands, feet, face and back as a result of the interview. I am looking at this as a gift as it is unequivocal evidence of the connection between my emotions and the pain. The hard part is figuring out what has caused it emotionally as I felt empowered and good after the interview and that has caused the pain to flare up in a new area (not new all together, it used to be there all the time but it has changed over the years and I haven't had it in the back like this for years). I would have thought that the empowered feeling and the feelings of release would have made my pain better not worse!?

Any thoughts on this are appreciated.

Thanks

Bowen

 

[yb44]

Although the interview went well this short interview brought you back to the time period where your pain may have started. You say that everything went downhill physically after you retired, age 24. You were just a young lad. One doesn't usually associate retirement with someone this young. You mention that you had to deal with a whole host of emotions at this time. I bet you did! Talking on the radio programme about your life since made you feel proud. However I imagine you would have resurrected some of those emotions you felt all those years ago and in the years following. None of us have any idea about the depth of our emotions, the majority of which are believed to be unconscious. So what you were feeling is just the tip of the iceberg. What you feel physically gives you some idea of what's going on way beyond what you are able to think about consciously. This is the way I understand it, anyway.

Pain changing locations or showing up in another area of your body along with your usual aches and pains is a gift, as you say. It is a sign that you are connecting the pain with the emotions of your recent past. You don't necessarily have to reveal all of these emotions to yourself, just accept that you have them and that they are at the root of your pain. Without doubt. 100%. Try not to get too hung up on experiencing direct relief from the Educational Programme. Everyone will reach this point at a different stage of their journey. Focus on the now, the present.

 

[Bowen]

Thanks Yb44. That makes perfect sense. I obviously have some emotional blockages that have occurred over the years so sometimes its hard to see these things clearly.

your comment 'You don't necessarily have to reveal all of these emotions to yourself, just accept that you have them and that they are at the root of your pain."
Is helpful as I have a tendency as I am sure many others do to feel like I have to uncover everything possible for the pain to go away. Then not only uncover it but "let it go" which I find a very broad and term as I dont think you can always just let something go. Accept, be aware and be ok with the emotion is much more doable in my opinion and know that these emotions are the root cause of the pain. I am feeling a little better today in the back which is good!

Thanks

Bowen