Lost

Hi all, I feel guilty even posting something so negative into such a positive community... But at this minute I feel it's all I have left.

I have struggled with tms pain for 6 years, I am only 28. The last 3 years I have not had an hour without pain. I cannot sit or stand for more than 10 minutes. I have a 2 year old and I am expecting in 1 month another baby. My family has given up on me, I don't even bother to talk about the pain as I can see how disgusted they are with me. Truly, I don't know how much longer I can go on. At this point I don't even know if I believe a pain free normal life is possible. The despair I feel is taking over and I am losing hope.

If anyone reads this and has any words of hope, please help me.

 

Hi Ash,

What I would say to you is this: our bodies are miraculous. Look at yours. You can carry a 6 to 10 pound baby and the extra weight surrounding your baby. Your body made room for this growing fetus. If our bodies really DID have the pain, wouldn't pregnant women be in constant pain from the pressure?
You are young and have developed a habit of pain. It's a cycle. You can break this cycle.
You have to accept that nothing is really wrong. If it truly was something other than TMS it would have degenerated more.
Start with a simple statement: "I am willing to believe that this pain is psychological. I am willing to look at all my emotions."

Also, watch Nicole Ferber Sachs videos on YouTube. Okay? She's a TMS specialist who wrote a book. Very female oriented.

Peace to you,
Marcia

 

Thank you Marcia. Your kindness and support is really appreciated at such a hard time.

 

Ash86,
If you haven't already, read Hamed's post on Saturday under the "Looking for Guidance on Pain/Numbness Increase" heading. He gives wonderful insight and concise suggestions from someone who has significant healing.

Have you tried the Curable app? https://www.curablehealth.com/ (Curable - The App for Chronic Pain) You can listen to their podcasts for free.

I'm sorry that you do not feel like you have anyone to talk to about your pain. I was in the same boat and that is why this Wiki was a lifeline to me. Sending healing thoughts and hugs to you.

 

Hattie, you are an angel!

Hamed wrote "Dr. Sarno wrote that the human spirit is more or less indomitable. They are the most powerful words he’s ever written in my opinion. BELIEVE them. Find that strength in yourself. No one else can find it for you. Not a doctor or a therapist or a loved one. Only you. This is the most personal battle any of us will ever fight. There is an animal in each of us. It’s caged in pain right now. But it’s not defeated, only dormant."

This is what I needed. I got to the point last night where, if I am embarrassingly honest, so mad at my family for not being there for me. And sad.... It's been hard. I thought a person can only go on like this for so long right? While, it would be nice if I didn't get those disappointed looks and eye rolls when I can't make it somewhere again or have to go lay down, it's up to me to do this.

And just maybe I can! Every time i feel like I have just about sputtered out of hope I get a kind message or post or see someone's success story.

Thank you for the Hope.

 

So happy to help! My own mother was in chronic pain for as long as I can remember. The last 10 years of her life, it worsened significantly. Our nightly phone conversations began with a 30 minute recitation about how bad her pain levels had been that day. I'm ashamed to admit that I eventually stopped listening and would watch TV or read while she talked. At that time, I hadn't experienced significant pain so I didn't understand her need to vent to someone that loved her. I promised myself that if I were ever in that situation, I would spare my children the toxicity of those conversations. Even though she didn't mean to, she became bitter and self-absorbed. So, a lot of my suffering in silence has been to spare my loved ones what I went through with my mom. Even with my husband, I tried to limit my "whining" to no more than a few minutes a day. This Wiki is a safe place to share whatever you are going through without judgement or eye rolling. When my pain hit the three year mark, I began to sink into despair...but that's also when things started to gradually improve. You can read my previous posts or "My Story" in my profile. Don't give up! Someday, we will be reading and celebrating your success story!

 

Ash86, so sorry for what you are going through. Hamed’s post really nailed it. It’s our very own and personal battle. This said, I think that a family should care for a family member that suffers. But caring should not feed self pity. Maybe this is what your family try to tell you.

 

Sweetheart,

We all need the kindness and support of our loved ones when we are experiencing trying times. I'm saddened on your behalf that they are not there for you or not there in the ways that you need them to be.

Sometimes people don't mean to be unkind, they just don't understand exactly what you are going through. I've experienced this ever such a lot with my hubby who has Parkinson's. Most people are golden, a handful simply don't comprehend his situation but the real gems are those who have been through hell themselves. They are compassionate and caring in every way that matters.

I guess I'm trying to say that we are all untested until the trial comes. Some people truly get lost and become bitter and negative, yet others head for the light cultivating every beautiful quality on the way. Sometimes we have to endure the quest alone, for a while at least, before we find lightbearers and sage souls who will help us find our path again.

This forum is jam-packed with such angels. One day you will be one too. For now it is enough that you are carrying life and that you have a sweet babe already. Do your best to find comfort in the many success stories here that offer assurance that a normal pain free life is not only possible, it's likely.

Sending you love and a hug x

 

Plum, thank you for you kindness and inspiration. I am sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. That has to be difficult.

I am happy to say I am feeling so much better since this post. I am working with a therapist at pain psychology center and can't believe the difference a week has made. Between her help and everyone's support here I have no doubt in recovery!