Lost and in need of direction....

Hi everyone, I've been having a really rough time lately and in need of help.

I started having symptoms in March of 2020, and learned about TMS almost right away. Since then I've tried Dr Schubiner's book, Pain Reprocessing therapy and have had multiple therapists try to help me. I didn't see any significant improvement in my symptoms after a year, so I tried yoga which helped alot with my symptoms.
In July, I started to experience new symptoms in a different part of my body after practicing yoga, and had to stop doing yoga altogether.

Now my symptoms are completely debilitating and I have no idea what to do, I feel lost and hopeless all of the time now. I'm starting to think that I might not be fixable.

I tend to score high when I do the TMS assessments, and I want to still believe what I have is TMS, not some incurable condition. The symptoms I have are widespread, nerve pain type of symptoms (burning, aching, pressure, dull or tingling sensations etc) in different areas of the body, but the facial symptoms are the most overwhelming and non-stop. My MRI results are all normal

I have done journalling as well - but for relatively short periods of time. I've had trouble connecting my emotions to my symptoms and am not sure if emotions are responsible for my symptoms.

At this point I just want to find some hope that I can heal again,

Todd

 

Hi Todd,

It seems like you've done a lot of the right things. I'm truly sorry that its' been such a struggle!

I don't know if I can add anything of value, other than to say - don't give up hope. Keep trying. Maybe you'll hit on the right combination of things that work for you. I don't mean too offer empty platitudes. But maybe through this struggle you'll grow to the point of outcome independence and things will turn around.

 

Hi Todd,
Boy, I understand your fear so well. The frustration and desperation in your post is palatable. You say that you have trouble connecting your feelings to your emotions. In what way? Is it that you can't see a correlation between a stressful time and the onset of symptoms? Or is it that you have trouble accessing deep emotions, in other words you are a stoic personality? Or both? Tell me more here. Also, if you want to see my recovery story from a laundry list of symptoms and diagnoses, I'm in the recovery story page. There is definitely hope!

 

Hi, Todd,
I've followed a similar path to yours, but instead of yoga I got involved in somatics. It was helpful for a while--and I learned some sound movement principles--but after a brief symptoms vacation, the pain returned to the usual areas. It was at that point that after a year-and-a-half the light bulb went off and I was finally able to achieve full buy-in to the conviction that what I was dealing with was tms. The buy-in made it easier to stay calm and not give my symptoms attention. And things started getting better. I encourage you to notice your language: with tms, you have nothing to "heal." Nothing's broken. You're already there. Your brain's just making a mistake and goosing healthy parts of your body. Keep the attention on calming your brain--with as little pressure and self-judgment as you can muster. Set up the peaceful space you move into and your brain will start sending fewer of those unwelcome signals. I find this whole process is a lot like falling asleep. You can't fall asleep and be awake to watch yourself fall asleep at the same time; you just set yourself up for sleep as best you can and then ease into it. For me, getting over tms has involved a gradual accumulation of insights, errors, and practices that have led me to a new attitude. I had to do a lot of work to get to the buy-in, and somewhere around that time the tms recovery cliches began making easy sense in my body--not just logical sense in my head. Like Annie Dillard said of writing something well: you work and you work and work, and then it's just handed to you. Keep at it, stay in your moment with as much appreciation as you can give it, and best wishes.

 

New symptoms in a different part of the body is actually a good sign. Sarno calls it extinction bursts. My guess is that you got frustrated with new symptoms and decided that yoga was no longer helping - as a result, your symptoms are through the roof. Give it time and patience, stay your TMS course, and it will eventually get better - as it did for me and others. I also wonder if yoga had a placebo effect on you, which is possible if you only used it as a physical exercise. I practiced yoga for many years as a physical exercise, but it took severe neuropathic pain to learn how to practice it as a meditation, and it finally started producing results.

The connection is not linear. Your response to emotional problems may be delayed and indirect. Continue being mindful with your emotions, recognize your emotional reactions to the daily stresses and learn how not to repress them but rather process them safely. Healing your nervous system is the key to healing your pain!

 

I am sorry you are going through this and feeling so much discomfort. You are not alone. Yesterday I sat on porch with this feeling of doom and just sobbed. I feel like I'm getting it and then I feel like I'm lost in a maze. I have same pain you speak of. Burning, aching, tingling, radiating in arms and legs and now head and teeth. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia but I know it's another form of TMS. I'm following to see what advice you are given. I'm also sharing my struggle to let you know there's someone else out there right now right where you are. One thing that seems to be calming my mind a little is Alan Gordan's "Pain Program." It's on the home page at the top. Somatic tracking is kind of a lifeline right now. It stops the panic and gives you a tool and some guidance to try a different approach cause I know my way isn't working. One more piece of advice I heard that helps me when the pain is peaking is
"You only have to get through this moment."