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Losing believe once again

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Mark1122, Nov 12, 2020.

  1. Mark1122

    Mark1122 Peer Supporter

    Have been active for about 2months doing anything i want. Also seeing a psychologist for almost a year now and a good one, ive had my fair share. Even though in pain. Now at the point again where i cant keep going. The pain isnt even the biggest problem, although it is real bad. Its the heart really protesting and i sleep for about 18hours every day i can't stay awake. I know if i rest for like 3-7 days il feel 80% better but on the other hand i would have given op on TMS again...

    The problem is every time i try the TMS approach i end up worse again, if i took a simple job 3 years ago when i felt okay with all of it. Pain wasnt too bad and i wasnt that tired and my heart didnt act up a lot. But i decided that i wanted to do everything a normal person can do and tried the TMS approach again. Resulting in me going downhill a lot more where i cant get back to the place i was 2 years ago.

    My problem is the pc, mobile etc. Where i would do my dream jobs and gaming which i like too. When i stop using that il get a lot better but nowhere close to where i was 3 years ago. Plus id have to give up things i like and want.

    Dont know what to do... I just cant go on ignoring these symptoms because it feels like im dying, my heart is extremely bad right now and i cant even stay awake anymore besides the pain i have in my arms, back, neck etc. Plus i lost my long standing relationship since im real moody and cant do alot. My addictions play up because i cant deal with this situation anymore. Somwhere i feel if i never tried TMS 3 years ago and stepped away from pc etc my life woudlve been so much better just not where i wanted it to be but atleast a lot better.

    So is it time to throw in the towel for good or am i going to keep trying with the chance getting only worse and maybe even kill myself in the process due to my heart or due the situation getting worse and staying in certain addictions, maybe suicide its all possible at the moment it feels like. Or i will get better ofcourse. Tough decision.

    Tms gave me a lot of hope which was nice but maybe it has been the worst thing i came across because it gave me a good safe reason, so i thought, to fuck myself up even more.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2020
  2. Aimee88

    Aimee88 Peer Supporter

    And yet you are here, posting in the support forum. Are you asking for support? Or permission to go? What can we do for you?
     
  3. Beawake

    Beawake New Member

    Are you okay mark?
     

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