Looking for reassurance that it's TMS

[kayleym118]

Hi there!

I'm hoping to get a bit of reassurance that what I'm struggling with at the moment is TMS, and would love some input.

A very brief overview of my situation: I first developed leg pain when I was 12. It became extremely painful and chronic and lasted for about 7 years. I had a million scans and tests, went to PT 3x a week, chiropractic, massage, etc. and nothing worked. The doctors found nothing other than the typical disc herniation (I was 12 when they diagnosed me with that, lol, so that tells you how banal disc herniations are).

When I was 18, I discovered Dr. Sarno's books as well as this forum. I think I was one of the youngest posters on the forum at that time, and the community was so helpful. I was able to heal myself over time with the tools in the books, this forum, and therapy. I wasn't 100% pain free for years, but I was mostly pain-free, and I never thought about or stressed about any pain, so I was really happy. I'm 29 now, so this was a long time ago and I've lived many years not concerned with chronic pain.

I've had little flares in the past few years, but I never worried too much about them and understood them to be the result of stress. In the past few months though, I've been experiencing daily pain, which is mainly in my right shoulder and randomly flares on other spots on my right side. I'm pretty certain it's TMS — that's what it was last time (so I know I'm predisposed to expressing psychological stuff through my body), and I'm able to relieve physical symptoms through somatic therapy, crying, meditation, etc. Basically, it responds to my psychological attempts to quell it (though not permanently).

While I'm nearly positive that it's TMS, I don't have health insurance at the moment, so I'm not able to have a slew of tests to rule out anything crazy going on in my body. This is allowing a small space of doubt to grow in me. As we know, this doubt inhibits progress, and of course, when progress isn't made, then the doubt grows.

So basically, I'd love some advice on how to mitigate this sense of fear if I'm not able to get MRIs, x-rays, etc etc etc. Has anyone else navigated TMS without insurance/without tests? If so, could you share your thoughts with me? And even if that isn't your situation, but you have some positive thoughts to send my way, I'd love to hear them. All positive feedback is welcome!

Also -- I'd love advice on where to start this time around. Dr. Sarno was huge for me when I was younger, and while I still love his work, I know the field has expanded a lot, so I'd love to know what has helped everyone recently.

Thanks so much!

 

[Baseball65]

so I'm not able to have a slew of tests to rule out anything crazy going on in my body. This is allowing a small space of doubt to grow in me. As we know, this doubt inhibits progress, and of course, when progress isn't made, then the doubt grows.

Nope. That would not rule out anything...that is part of the nature of TMS. So, you like me are lucky in that you don't have money and resources to waste and go right into doing the work to heal. Once I know who I am, and I do, I presume ALL pain is TMS and that has been fine for 25 years...and the very few times non-pain things were serving the same purpose, Doctors ALWAYS blame the nearest 'anomaly'...they can't help themselves...and they need the money.

move ahead as if it's TMS, because, it is. Sarno only meant to rule out cancer...that's it.

blessed are the poor.

 

[Cactusflower]

This free quiz from the PPD Association is of great benefit. https://ppdassociation.org/ppd-self-questionnaire (Self Quiz — Psychophysiologic Disorders Association)
I also suggest refreshing your Sarno reading especially the personality types. That can often help people see where TMS relates to their symptoms.
What kind of stress have you been under lately?
How have you been thinking about yourself?
Take a step back and think of what might logically be causing this kind of pain if it is actually "Structural" - did you have an accident, pull a muscle? Use your rational thought process to think about what it probably IS NOT. Get your brain off trying to "fix" it and look for physical solutions.
Have you ever done any psychological work like journaling etc.? Employing a few new techniques might help you see if you can begin to make an impact - that will help you erase doubt.

Journaling: https://www.thecureforchronicpain.com/journalspeak (How to JournalSpeak — The Cure for Chronic Pain)

Some ideas for journal topics: https://mytmsjourney.com/resources/tms-journaling-topics-themes/ (TMS journaling topics & themes)

 

[Booble]

So basically, I'd love some advice on how to mitigate this sense of fear if I'm not able to get MRIs, x-rays, etc etc etc.

I haven't read the other responses yet so forgive me if I duplicate.

I think it must be an old school notion that you must believe it's TMS. Hogwash!
If you think, "maybe it's TMS?" that's close enough.

Maybe you should journal or ponder over why you are afraid of not being able to get MRIs, Xrays and THREE et ceteras?
Worst case scenario, it's your shoulder. It ain't going to kill you!
Maybe you have some hidden anger about your lack of health insurance? Or something related?
Or, perhaps, more likely -- maybe your TMS brain is just trying to make you procrastinate digging into the real pain, the emotional pain and anger that is tucked down below?
It's saying, "Yeah, Kayley, you have to go to the doctor before you can dig in here. Since you can't go to the doctor, oh well, guess you are stuck. No going in here until you go to a doctor." And then laughing at itself thinking, "Ha, ha, sucker, got her not to dig deep!" and patting itself on the back for keeping you away and then keeping up the shoulder pain to keep you on the loop of not looking into the emotions.