Before I start my story, i'm apologizing for my bad writing. I'm a woman from France and don't write english regularly.
My 'pain-story' started almost 4 years ago (at the age of 22), i was in my last year of studying medicine.
Suddenly i woke up with a tensed neck and shoulders, which gave also daily tension headaches, jaw pain, and tiredness.
I took action instantly.
Already in the first 3 months of my symptoms i saw 2 general doctors, 3 physical therapists, a chiropractor and 2 neurologists.
Some gave me meds (SSRI's,tricyclic antidepressants,..), others said it was bad posture, a bad desk, but nothing helped. Some of them mentioned stress but i couldn't believe that.
In the time we live, everybody has stress, right?!
It gots worse. I also got TMJ plus a really tensed upper back. I saw other chiropractors, osteopaths, they told me i had a shorter leg + a bad bite, a lack of vitamins, so they gave me insoles a correcting mouth guard and supplements. Ofcours they always gave me a lot of hope: NOW WE FOUND THE CAUSE, and the terrible disappointment that followed a couple of weeks/months after treatment: hmmm, strange, i don't know what to do anymore... normally we see great results with our patients.. Maybe it's stress, you seem to be a very anxious and stressed person..
I was thinking: STRESS,AGAIN? So, i always stopped the treatment and looked for another person in Belgium who could find the miracle solution to fix me.
Last year, it got worse. I developed another symptom: vulvodynia.
So even more stress, now i put even more pressure on myself, because i can't have normal intercourse with the love of my life. And so, even more things to get fixed..
In the beginning, i thought the gynecologist understood me. She told me that all the symptoms i have are stress related and that i needed to go in therapy, do yoga, meditation.
I started therapy and yoga a couple of months ago but without relieve. No i understand that i started the yoga in the hope to fix structural imbalances. So by using it to relax, i again, put pressure on it.
Now, i'm just introduced to TMS, and i understand that i need to be convinced that there really isn't something physically wrong with me, but it's hard to stay calm and believe it.
Here in belgium, they believe that stress can worsen the pain you feel, but not cause it.
After all those years of disappointments, i'm really scared to be on the wrong path again and i'm desperate looking for eliminating my symptoms.
The psychologist already agrees that there is a really strong emotional component for me.
I confess that i put a lot of pressure on myself, always thinking the worst, have a low self-esteem, i'm a people pleaser, always compare myself with others and believing they're a lot better than me. All my close friends and family affirm this.
Rereading my story, it looks so obvious it's TMS. But i'm so so so afraid i will never recover, that i think i don't have the power, the knowledge and the right people here in France to help me become symptom free. Because here in France they say: we see it holistic: we need to work on the mind + the body, but that looks so overwhelming, such an endless route to recover.
But deep in me i feel a tiny sense that it's something i need to do on my own, stop looking for help outside of myself.
I always thought that, after my graduation, i would become a strong, happy, succesfull business woman.
But with these complaints, its feels like i'm stuck in this circle for the rest of my life and that i'm not strong enough and will never succeed the things i always dreamed of.
I really hope some of you can give me some hope, help and maybe can confirm it's certainly TMS.
Thanks already for putting some time to read my story.
My 'pain-story' started almost 4 years ago (at the age of 22), i was in my last year of studying medicine.
Suddenly i woke up with a tensed neck and shoulders, which gave also daily tension headaches, jaw pain, and tiredness.
I took action instantly.
Already in the first 3 months of my symptoms i saw 2 general doctors, 3 physical therapists, a chiropractor and 2 neurologists.
Some gave me meds (SSRI's,tricyclic antidepressants,..), others said it was bad posture, a bad desk, but nothing helped. Some of them mentioned stress but i couldn't believe that.
In the time we live, everybody has stress, right?!
It gots worse. I also got TMJ plus a really tensed upper back. I saw other chiropractors, osteopaths, they told me i had a shorter leg + a bad bite, a lack of vitamins, so they gave me insoles a correcting mouth guard and supplements. Ofcours they always gave me a lot of hope: NOW WE FOUND THE CAUSE, and the terrible disappointment that followed a couple of weeks/months after treatment: hmmm, strange, i don't know what to do anymore... normally we see great results with our patients.. Maybe it's stress, you seem to be a very anxious and stressed person..
I was thinking: STRESS,AGAIN? So, i always stopped the treatment and looked for another person in Belgium who could find the miracle solution to fix me.
Last year, it got worse. I developed another symptom: vulvodynia.
So even more stress, now i put even more pressure on myself, because i can't have normal intercourse with the love of my life. And so, even more things to get fixed..
In the beginning, i thought the gynecologist understood me. She told me that all the symptoms i have are stress related and that i needed to go in therapy, do yoga, meditation.
I started therapy and yoga a couple of months ago but without relieve. No i understand that i started the yoga in the hope to fix structural imbalances. So by using it to relax, i again, put pressure on it.
Now, i'm just introduced to TMS, and i understand that i need to be convinced that there really isn't something physically wrong with me, but it's hard to stay calm and believe it.
Here in belgium, they believe that stress can worsen the pain you feel, but not cause it.
After all those years of disappointments, i'm really scared to be on the wrong path again and i'm desperate looking for eliminating my symptoms.
The psychologist already agrees that there is a really strong emotional component for me.
I confess that i put a lot of pressure on myself, always thinking the worst, have a low self-esteem, i'm a people pleaser, always compare myself with others and believing they're a lot better than me. All my close friends and family affirm this.
Rereading my story, it looks so obvious it's TMS. But i'm so so so afraid i will never recover, that i think i don't have the power, the knowledge and the right people here in France to help me become symptom free. Because here in France they say: we see it holistic: we need to work on the mind + the body, but that looks so overwhelming, such an endless route to recover.
But deep in me i feel a tiny sense that it's something i need to do on my own, stop looking for help outside of myself.
I always thought that, after my graduation, i would become a strong, happy, succesfull business woman.
But with these complaints, its feels like i'm stuck in this circle for the rest of my life and that i'm not strong enough and will never succeed the things i always dreamed of.
I really hope some of you can give me some hope, help and maybe can confirm it's certainly TMS.
Thanks already for putting some time to read my story.
