Day 18 Looking at past journals

Take a look at your journal entries. What emotions are most prevalent?

Looking at these journal entries anger, regret, discontentment pop up a lot.

1) Anger for certain situations in my life happening. A lot of anger directed at both parents. Its hard to forgive their lack of interest in my childhood, and now their grandchildren's life.

2) Oh the What and Ifs of life. If only my life had been different if x or y event would have turned out differently. I'm trying to see past those events and make today the best day of the rest of my life. I can't live in an alternative reality and expending energy thinking about one is ridiculous.

3) A friend of mine went to my wedding and spoke at our reception. He mentioned that I was someone that always settled for the easiest route and played it safe. I wasn't mad at him for saying that because it was true. He went on to say that he believed I didn't settle in choosing my current wife (she's my great love =). Most situations in my life are evaluated and take the safest route possible. Although my heart longs for risk, and maybe failure.

3 things I'm most thankful today
1) A message in church last night about Ephesians 6:10-24
2) Slept through the entire night last night. My bladder makes me get up at least once most nights or our youngest wakes up to cry.
3) A new week to look forward to.

 

Ryan, I see myself in your entire post. EVERYTHING. I swear I could have written this myself. I can't tell you how much this just helped me.
Thank you.

 

Hey Ryan,
You mentioned something pretty personal in your post that really struck a chord. The sentence about your friend mentioning about you taking the easiest route throughout life. What I really admired was you took accountability for what your friend said, admitted it, then showed a lot of class for not getting upset. I realize he said it as a compliment to your wife, but you still took ownership. Your ability to do that shows me that you will definitely beat this TMS.
Just from the outside looking in, it looks as if you are frustrated for not taking opportunities you THINK you may have missed, and your ability to be brutally honest with yourself (about your friend's comment) is going to see you thru this. That is something I have just discovered during my journaling. It's a great feeling to be able to call the BS on yourself....and nobody there to see your shame ) (speaking about myself). Lastly, try to be understanding with your parents. I don't know your situation, but I really think ALL of us can find something about our parents that piss us off, but release your anger then FORGIVE!! That really is a MUST to get this. Take care, and GOOD LUCK on your journey. PS Good looking boy you have there!

 

I like your positive outlook, Ryan! I often say, "Happy Monday" to the kids at school, because the week is full of possibilities!