Day 22 Longing

I was reading an assigned article for this program, and one particular emotion leaped off the page, so much so that I had to do a writing exercise for it. The author was discussing a range of different emotions that are repressed in those with TMS. The big one that we've all come to notice is rage/anger, which I've come to realize in the past 3 weeks. The particular emotion that gripped me more recently is longing. Over the past 10+ years, I've repressed many strong desires that I know now is at least partly responsible for my TMS. One of those strong desires is to find a wife. I repressed that emotion soon after my parents divorced, when I vowed never to get married. I put up a wall since then, and I haven't been able to have serious relationships. That longing for companionship was repressed, and I didn't notice how miserable it made me. I repressed that longing by rationalizing my lifestyle.

Did any of you make that connection during your journal writing? Did you rationalize your lifestyle as a coping tactic so that you didn't have to address the fact that you made some seriously wrong decisions?

- Matt

 

dear Matt
yes, it's the same for me - by disregarding my own wishes / needs to a large extent I very obviously violated the law of Take Care Of Yourself, also for many years...
I hope very much you can take that wall apart soon and open up your heart as you heal!!!

 

Hi, Matt. I also wish you good luck in finding someone to marry, but be sure you love the person and are loved in return. I stuck with dogs and never regretted it.