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Limerence as TMS

fridaynotes

fridaynotes

Well known member
As a long-time TMS warrior with many various aches, pains and disorders and symptom imperatives, I am very well versed in how pernicious and sneaky TMS can be!

A recent revelation I had was that the condition of Limerence is a TMS equivalent.

Limerence is the addictive/obsessive infatuation with someone else, generally someone unavailable. It takes over your brain and life and everyday stressors and concerns fall away as you become singularly, mentally obsessed with interacting or daydreaming with your infatuation. It’s all consuming and completely changes your outlook and behavior.

I have recently been caught in Limerence and have come out of it believing it to be yet another form of the brain’s TMS process. Interestingly, while I was in the three month throes of Limerence I suffered NO physical pains or issues. I was so deeply distracted and manic because of Limerence. It was another way for my nervous system to feel “safe in the most unsafe way”

Although Limerence is more akin to addiction and OCD mental processes, I believe it’s completely controlled by the same unconscious factors as TMS.

Has anyone else suffered through this and feels similarly? One of many ways out of Limerence is employing similar tactics to overcoming TMS symptoms.

Here is a helpful link to understanding Limerence:
https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-is-limerence/ (What is limerence? - Living with Limerence)
 
fridaynotes said:
Although Limerence is more akin to addiction and OCD mental processes, I believe it’s completely controlled by the same unconscious factors as TMS.
Click to expand...
It's been a really long time since addiction, in all of its many variations, was directly discussed as a TMS equivalent, but the consensus has always been that it certainly is, due to the connection between addictive behavior and emotional distraction. This includes any form of obsessive behavior including full blown OCD. Based on my completely unprofessional and subjective observations over 13 years here, I do think that clinical (intractable) OCD highly correlates with significant childhood adversity, just as intractable addiction does.

I'm glad this was a short-lived setback, @fridaynotes!
 
I can't say I've experienced that. But I do have OCD intrusive thoughts. My latest is, I will look at people I am 100% not attracted to, and think thoughts as if I am. Almost like my brain is convincing me I am, but it's fake.

It's annoying as Hell. But I know it's a distraction. Causes me to go "Oof what!?" I do it 20 times a day. My brain especially loves HOMELESS people as the subject matter.

Did I mention I'm a 100% Hetero male? Fun stuff eh?
 
JanAtheCPA said:
It's been a really long time since addiction, in all of its many variations, was directly discussed as a TMS equivalent, but the consensus has always been that it certainly is, due to the connection between addictive behavior and emotional distraction. This includes any form of obsessive behavior including full blown OCD. Based on my completely unprofessional and subjective observations over 13 years here, I do think that clinical (intractable) OCD highly correlates with significant childhood adversity, just as intractable addiction does.

I'm glad this was a short-lived setback, @fridaynotes!
Click to expand...

Thanks, Jan! BTW, I just listened to your interview with Nicole Sachs and it was really lovely to hear your voice and story. Good luck with the RA, it's definitely TMS related, from what I can tell and I know you'll eventually heal from it 100% but get ready for whatever bullshit the symptom imperative throws at you next! LOL xo
 
You are on it bright and early @fridaynotes! I only just saw that in my podcast feed a few minutes ago. We recorded it two months ago, but I was never quite sure when it would air, because Nicole's had a lot going on this spring (like, you know, NBA stars, that kind of thing:D). She attempted to schedule it once, and fortunately I only told two people because it got bumped, so I told her to just let it be a surprise. Now I better go listen and see how it turned out!
 
JTinLA said:
, I will look at people I am 100% not attracted to, and think thoughts as if I am.
Click to expand...
Oh, absolutely an OCD thing! Sounds terrible. I would just try and laugh at it. If you run scared, it will keep it up. Maybe make it into a cartoon in your head.
 
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JanAtheCPA said:
You are on it bright and early @fridaynotes! I only just saw that in my podcast feed a few minutes ago. We recorded it two months ago, but I was never quite sure when it would air, because Nicole's had a lot going on this spring (like, you know, NBA stars, that kind of thing:D). She attempted to schedule it once, and fortunately I only told two people because it got bumped, so I told her to just let it be a surprise. Now I better go listen and see how it turned out!
Click to expand...
Yay! Jan, I can’t wait to listen! :-)
 
fridaynotes said:
As a long-time TMS warrior with many various aches, pains and disorders and symptom imperatives, I am very well versed in how pernicious and sneaky TMS can be!

A recent revelation I had was that the condition of Limerence is a TMS equivalent.

Limerence is the addictive/obsessive infatuation with someone else, generally someone unavailable. It takes over your brain and life and everyday stressors and concerns fall away as you become singularly, mentally obsessed with interacting or daydreaming with your infatuation. It’s all consuming and completely changes your outlook and behavior.

I have recently been caught in Limerence and have come out of it believing it to be yet another form of the brain’s TMS process. Interestingly, while I was in the three month throes of Limerence I suffered NO physical pains or issues. I was so deeply distracted and manic because of Limerence. It was another way for my nervous system to feel “safe in the most unsafe way”

Although Limerence is more akin to addiction and OCD mental processes, I believe it’s completely controlled by the same unconscious factors as TMS.

Has anyone else suffered through this and feels similarly? One of many ways out of Limerence is employing similar tactics to overcoming TMS symptoms.

Here is a helpful link to understanding Limerence:
https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-is-limerence/ (What is limerence? - Living with Limerence)
Click to expand...
Well, sheesh, so it’s got an official name. I once experienced this and it was very disruptive for me. I was able to break its hold on me by treating it kind of like an alcoholic in AA. One day at a time. All thoughts forbidden. I just broke the habit. But it took a little while and determination. At the time, my therapist thought it had something to do with the person reminding me of my father (I have a bunch of screwed up issues). But maybe it was just a form of TMS? That’s interesting. And totally plausible.
 
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I think being overly and intensely infatuated with someone is normal. It's part of our built in system in order to propagate the species.
It's definitely a good distraction from our aches and pains and anxiety.
In fact I recall a time that I was attracted to someone and it helped me get out of my anxiety because the desire to see or be around the person outweighed my fears.
 
Diana-M said:
Well, sheesh, so it’s got an official name. I once experienced this and it was very disruptive for me. I was able to break its hold on me by treating it kind of like an alcoholic in AA. One day at a time. All thoughts forbidden. I just broke the habit. But it took a little while and determination. At the time, my therapist thought it had something to do with the person reminding me of my father (I have a bunch screwed up issues). But maybe it was just a form of TMS? That’s interesting. And totally plausible.
Click to expand...
you totally have to deal with Limerence in the way you’d deal with any addiction. stop immediately and retrain your brain and thought process. limerence is very different than any regular infatuation. Limerence is an obsessive, compulsive disorder of a high magnitude and threatens to totally derail your life.
 
Booble said:
The word must have been transformed in meaning in the last 30-40 years. Limerence wasn't meant to mean dysfunctional or OCD attraction, at least according to every psychology class in the 1980s! It was a fairly common term back then.

Limerence meant the state of feeling like you are in love that may not be "real." It was a blend of infatuation and lust, usually between two people newly dating. It was used to describe the early stages of relationship when you think you are in love before you really know the other person.

Edited to add: What you are describing sounds more like pathological obsession that is not reciprocated and may be dangerous for yourself and the object of the obsession. That is NOT what "limerence" meant in the least.
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i think the definition of Limerence has evolved a bit lately and many people consider it an addictive disorder.
 
I can believe it’s OCD and addictive. I remember feeling like this person was a computer program just always up and running in my mind constantly.
 
I only recently came across the term limerence, in a youtube video about childhood trauma or complex ptsd. I suffered from it twice. Both times I became attached to people who had made me feel safe or unconditionally accepted. The first time I was around age 6 and that lasted a few years and the second time lasted three and a half decades...until just recently when it dropped away. The thing is, I've recently realized it totally worked as effective pain management, so I can believe it worked like that for you too. Even though mine dropped away finally, I can still get myself completely out of pain by walking into a room imagining that person is in there.
It didn't derail my life but it did steal energy from my real life relationships for sure....like any addiction I guess.

fridaynotes said:
As a long-time TMS warrior with many various aches, pains and disorders and symptom imperatives, I am very well versed in how pernicious and sneaky TMS can be!

A recent revelation I had was that the condition of Limerence is a TMS equivalent.functioned

Limerence is the addictive/obsessive infatuation with someone else, generally someone unavailable. It takes over your brain and life and everyday stressors and concerns fall away as you become singularly, mentally obsessed with interacting or daydreaming with your infatuation. It’s all consuming and completely changes your outlook and behavior.

I have recently been caught in Limerence and have come out of it believing it to be yet another form of the brain’s TMS process. Interestingly, while I was in the three month throes of Limerence I suffered NO physical pains or issues. I was so deeply distracted and manic because of Limerence. It was another way for my nervous system to feel “safe in the most unsafe way”

Although Limerence is more akin to addiction and OCD mental processes, I believe it’s completely controlled by the same unconscious factors as TMS.

Has anyone else suffered through this and feels similarly? One of many ways out of Limerence is employing similar tactics to overcoming TMS symptoms.

Here is a helpful link to understanding Limerence:
https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-is-limerence/ (What is limerence? - Living with Limerence)
Click to expand...
 
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