Lifestyle changes

[veronica73]

A lot of TMS books seem to emphasize changing focus from physical to psychological over behavioral changes, and overall I agree. But what if something in your life is a big rage generator?

In my case I just work A LOT. I've been like this my whole adult life and I'm on and off with my efforts to work less. It's hard because I really like all of my work (I have a full time job plus my own part-time business) but I feel the need to have more unscheduled time.

Anybody consciously make lifestyle changes in conjunction with TMS work or have you mainly focused on the inner work?

 

[Enrique]

For me, I did consciously make some changes. For example, one thing I remember doing was trying to say no more often to my boss when he asked me for something and I was really quite busy with other important work. The old Enrique would probably have tried to fit it in and performed under great stress. The new Enrique saying no more often, felt better and less pressure to get stuff done. And he felt more empowered, more confident even. The result was going home at a decent hour, enjoying work more, and really, being more productive I would argue! I suppose this created less emotions to repress. I no longer resented my boss or my job and I started to like myself more.

 

[Forest]

With introspection comes change. If a person goes through the one of the programs and does a lot of journaling then they are almost inevitably going to change in some aspects because they learn more about themselves. A person doesn't have to change their lifestyle or personality to recover from TMS, as long as they understand what's going on. But then again, I think the knowledge and experience recovering from TMS gives us we are almost inevitable to change in some way. The approach itself is all about gaining a better understanding of our emotions and why we do certain things, and I tend to think that just by gaining this introspection we, as I think Enrique's cases points out, end up handling certain situations in a new way.

On the Wetpaint forum, TMS practitioner Bob Evans responded to a similar question of "Do People need to change their personality." I think this response is fitting for this thread.

The way that I like to view this question is as follows:

We are born with our 'True Nature'; the very basic essence, the beautiful natural core of who we are. In an ideal world, through the natural flow of energy through all aspects of our experience, IE., interpersonal, intrapsychic, spiritual, etc., (Sensations, Images, Behavior, Affect and Meaning - SIBAM) we continue to grow and evolve more and more into this true natural free flowing beautiful self.

Due to environmental stress, 'small' and 'large' traumas, 'attachment' disruptions, Autonomic Nervous System adaptations and the like, over the years, many 'layers' are added to and tend to cover up this natural core. Through the process of growth and change, my experience is that we 'shed' these unnatural, unwanted, negative aspects of 'self' and become more and more that beautiful self that we truly are!

I think some people 'fear' the idea of 'changing our personalities' because our experience of self, of who we ARE, is tied up in and interwoven with those negative aspects. One fear is that we might 'lose' the sense we have of ourselves if we 'change our personalities'. This could not be further from the truth. As we 'shed' the unwanted, unnatural aspects of self we 'picked up along the way', we 'become' more and more who we really are. We do not lose ANY aspect of ourselves that we do not want to lose. And, more good news, This is a natural process. We do not have to work at all at deciphering which parts to keep and which to let go of. Our Autonomic Nervous Systems simply, naturally shed, or in the language of 'Somatic Experiencing', 'discharge' the previously 'stuck' negative energy that was manifested as unwanted aspects of our personality, and thus interfering with the natural flow of who we really are.

 

[dabatross]

enrique im finally following those words of guidance to slow down and not place so much pressure on myself. ive noticed that a lot of the pressure/stress I feel was from what I was generating internally, not necessarily what my boss was putting on me. For instance I would work super fast to try to get work done all of the time and it made me feel very anxious and frantic. I just started this on Friday but now I slowed way down and took things at a normal human pace rather than trying to finish everything so quickly. I guess the pressure of deadlines made me feel like I had to rush everything and this just made me feel ancy and stressed out. Im on day 3 now of actually taking things slower so we'll see what happens.

Veronica I would consider lifestyle changes part of what happens during this treatment. Like I said above I realized I was putting too much pressure on myself at my job so I'm changing that now which is changing my lifestyle. So as Im doing inner work Im also making any changes I can to reduce the stress I'm experiencing because I believe we put a lot more stress on ourselves than we know.. me being one of those people.

 

[veronica73]

thanks, everyone. Dabatross, I'm like that too--I tend to be able to crank through things pretty quickly and when I have to work at a slower pace I start getting mad at myself--even if no one else cares.

 

[Enrique]

thanks, everyone. Dabatross, I'm like that too--I tend to be able to crank through things pretty quickly and when I have to work at a slower pace I start getting mad at myself--even if no one else cares.

Yep, It's that self-imposed pressure. It's good that you recognize it.

 

[veronica73]

...and the flip side of it is, if you "over produce" for too long people come to expect of it so you're really raising the bar on yourself.

and of course by "you" here, I mean "me"

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

I made life style changes and focused on the inner work. This is a good question. I'd like to know who else has had to make changes and were they life style and inner work or just the inner work? For me my lifestyle of working around folks that had no optimism -- well I had to get new friends and stop trying to change the ones that didn't understand where I was going nor did they care. Now I have a different lifestyle cause I eliminated those distractions but is that a life style change?

I do have many other changes that were phenomenal to me that I could bring up. How about You Guys? My Friends at the community?

 

[LindaRK]

Oh Veronica ..... I can totally (TOTALLY) relate to overproducing and having people expect more from you. Ack! That's been my mantra for years ...... part of that people pleaser/perfectionist and who knows what else personality. I've recognized it for a long time. Trying to "pare" back, but it's not that easy, is it?

 

[Ellen]

I've found that as I do the inner work, my lifestyle is changing in an organic way--without me consciously changing it. It's happening from the inside out. I like seeing these subtle changes take shape because it feels like real change.

 

[plum]

I've found that as I do the inner work, my lifestyle is changing in an organic way--without me consciously changing it. It's happening from the inside out. I like seeing these subtle changes take shape because it feels like real change.

Such an utterly gorgeous reply. Inner work probably represents the roots of change and as we heal our deepest and oldest wounds, and care for our emotional selves better, we transform our physical environment in the most magical of ways.

Sometimes though we do have to be aware that we are pot-bound and our lifestyle or situation no longer suits but stifles us. Sometimes we need to experience an extreme before we even realise this. Burnout is a classic example. It's often believed that burnout only occurs in a work context but it is recognised now that relationships can fry a persons circuits in the same way. I think this aspect of burnout describes the big rage generator well for me and is something I've dallied with.

Sometimes you can't change your situation or you are considering a radical gesture that may harm as much as it heals, best advice I ever heard came from Caroline Myss who suggested you flood the circumstance with grace and love. I return to this idea time and time again, especially when I'd rather brain someone. It's a way of changing your situation without changing your situation.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I guess Shakespeare said it all when Hamlet got this sage advice' "To thine own self be true, and it must follow,
as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

Be yourself, believe in yourself. Be happy with yourself.
Don't let others make you live up to their expectations. Let them try to live up to theirs.