Day 20 Life changes

[Rusty Red]

The biggest one for me would likely be my job. I would love to find something I enjoy more, but there is a lot of flexibility where I work now, plus profit sharing, and I make a good amount of money, which considering I'm the main breadwinner in the house, is kind of necessary. My job is a huge source of stress and likely a symptom trigger for me, especially the two days of the week that we have to go into the office now after being remote for 5+ years. I'm working on just accepting the way things are and that I can't do everything at the same time or as quickly as people would like, especially carrying seven different accounts (I work as an account manager in freight pay) all with different contacts and needs. I'm also trying to delegate more as I tend to snatch everything up immediately and handle as opposed to shifting some items to my account reps.

 

[Dee.1983]

The biggest one for me would likely be my job. I would love to find something I enjoy more, but there is a lot of flexibility where I work now, plus profit sharing, and I make a good amount of money, which considering I'm the main breadwinner in the house, is kind of necessary. My job is a huge source of stress and likely a symptom trigger for me, especially the two days of the week that we have to go into the office now after being remote for 5+ years. I'm working on just accepting the way things are and that I can't do everything at the same time or as quickly as people would like, especially carrying seven different accounts (I work as an account manager in freight pay) all with different contacts and needs. I'm also trying to delegate more as I tend to snatch everything up immediately and handle as opposed to shifting some items to my account reps.

Do you need to earn the money you earn ? I am self employed but use to work in 3 clinics (I am a podiatrist) in May I left 1 of the clinics and now earn a lot less, I only have me to worry about so there is less stress that providing for a family, but it feels like just surviving (financially speaking) these days is very hard. I live in an expensive area in the UK. I love where I live and would hate to change that. However I can live with less money - I have to spend less, probably no holidays this year, less dinners out and I quit drinking alcohol over 3 years ago so that saves me money. But I realised I wasn't enjoying anything due to my symptoms, so having money for a holiday was pointless... I remember a really interesting case when I worked in the NHS and I won't go into detail but the patient had a very expensive lifestyle, sadly he was literally killing himself to afford it! I always though that's crazy, nice house, nice car, big holidays but he was on a downhill slope to an early grave. What I hadn't realised at that time is although I didn't have the big salary, the big car or the big house I was in a similar ( albeit smaller) boat.
I obviously don't know your circumstances however I think we often have an image of ourselves and then apply pressure to be that person at all costs, the question is, is it worth it ?
For me the answer is no, I'm still getting my head around that because a change to who I think I am is a real struggle but I'm hoping it will be worth it in the long run.

 

[Rusty Red]

@Dee.1983 , I do, unfortunately. I have a mother living with me without paying anything to live here and my fiance doesn't make much, plus a 10 year old son to whom I'm a single parent and child support is hit and miss with his dad thanks to losing a great job thanks to committing a crime and now going in and out of other jobs. I hear you, though, and it is something I have thought about many times. I think it's awesome you are able to come to these realizations, you are doing great.

 

[Dee.1983]

@Dee.1983 , I do, unfortunately. I have a mother living with me without paying anything to live here and my fiance doesn't make much, plus a 10 year old son to whom I'm a single parent and child support is hit and miss with his dad thanks to losing a great job thanks to committing a crime and now going in and out of other jobs. I hear you, though, and it is something I have thought about many times. I think it's awesome you are able to come to these realizations, you are doing great.

Thank you. My symptoms still persist but my mood is lifting and ife is starting to have moments of enjoyment again.
It must be tough having so many other people relying on you financially. I hope you can find a a way to manage the stress either at work or other areas of your life to find more peace X we all deserve a little bit of that.

 

[Diana-M]

@Rusty Red
When my sons all got home from college and after they had one year at home to get started, I told them each they had to pay rent “because it’s not fair to live as an adult for free with me.” All three decided to move out, even though the rent I proposed they pay was slightly less than the going rate they could find elsewhere. One of my sons got his feelings really hurt about it. The discussion with each of them, when the time came, was super awkward and hard.

I’m NOT a tough person, so I don’t know what made me do it. Something in me just was totally fed up from being a single mother on my own for 7 years and then marrying a guy who made half of what I made (and I didn’t make much). I just felt like: “You’re Killing Me People!” I wonder if you could propose a number your Mom needs to contribute. Or else maybe she could make it up in chores. The resentment is going to kill you, if it isn’t already. It’s just not fair for people to freeload. Family or not. (Sorry if I’m stepping over the line here. But it kills me to watch you suffer.)

Also— can you chase the ex for child support? Report him to a govt agency or something and make him play fair, too?

 

[Dee.1983]

@Rusty Red
When my sons all got home from college and after they had one year at home to get started, I told them each they had to pay rent “because it’s not fair to live as an adult for free with me.” All three decided to move out, even though the rent I proposed they pay was slightly less than the going rate they could find elsewhere. One of my sons got his feelings really hurt about it. The discussion with each of them, when the time came, was super awkward and hard.

I’m NOT a tough person, so I don’t know what made me do it. Something in me just was totally fed up from being a single mother on my own for 7 years and then marrying a guy who made half of what I made (and I didn’t make much). I just felt like: “You’re Killing Me People!” I wonder if you could propose a number your Mom needs to contribute. Or else maybe she could make it up in chores. The resentment is going to kill you, if it isn’t already. It’s just not fair for people to freeload. Family or not. (Sorry if I’m stepping over the line here. But it kills me to watch you suffer.)

Also— can you chase the ex for child support? Report him to a govt agency or something and make him play fair, too?

I know this post wasn't for me but I needed to hear it - It has made me reflect how bitter I am about my ex freeloading off me for years and these thoughts are probably still tied up in my stress regarding my finances - I know what I am going to Journal about today - I can feel the heat rising in me already. Thank you for being brutally honest in the most helpful way.

 

[Diana-M]

Thank you for being brutally honest in the most helpful way.

I’m glad it helped! I was hoping it wouldn’t offend anybody. I really mean the best. I’d love to hear about your thoughts after journaling. It’s hard to be taken advantage of—I’ve mostly always been. And I’m sure it’s behind my TMS. Writing this note to Rusty, I was thinking, “Gee, there’s people in my life right now, I need to sit down and have a talk with!”

 

[Rusty Red]

Also— can you chase the ex for child support? Report him to a govt agency or something and make him play fair, too?

They won't go after him until no payment for 90 days. He keeps getting mini jobs in between to save his ass.

 

[Diana-M]

They won't go after him until no payment for 90 days. He keeps getting mini jobs in between to save his ass.

That sucks!