Day 20 Life changes

[Rusty Red]

I would most definitely get out of my job if if were an option. People say money shouldn't be the driving factor and health is more important but that just isn't always reality, especially when you're the breadwinner. It is very unrewarding and a significant cause of stress for me. I always saw myself doing something to help people.

Obviously I could go back to school or take a pay cut for another job but again, not really feasible. I'm working on taking pleasure in being told I do a good job frequently and also delegating more to team members (I'm an account manager with reps under me) rather than just doing it all.

 

[Baseball65]

Recognizing that was an important part of doing this. It's probably something I need to look at again

There is a sort of leftover 'you oughta' be grateful' dialogue from all of the positive thinking stuff of the 80's and nineties. The idea is OK. It's when we are lying to ourselves that it becomes a problem

Sarno mentions people who seek out less than challenging or enriching work to coast, stay safe. Hide. That was/is me.

especially when you're the breadwinner.

Yep. That was where I was/am/sometimes feel like I always will be.

take a pay cut for another job but again, not really feasible

we tried that as a family, leaving my job in the film business in LA, to be 'just a construction worker' in Tn. I was OK with it for the simplified lifestyle. My wife? Not so much. We separated shortly after getting settled. She liked the idea, not the application.

As regard TMS, Hopefully just the awareness of not really liking our situation is enough to make the leap.

 

[Diana-M]

There’s an exercise in Dr. Schubiner’s Unlearn Your Pain book, where you write down every instance of TMS that you’ve ever had and what was going on at the time. By doing that exercise, I learned that Pretty much almost all of my instances of TMS had to do with my job: the fear of not making money, the fear of losing money, the stress of being the only who earned the money, the anger at bosses who were making it hard for me to earn money—pretty much jobs were at the center of everything. And then, now that I’m retired, (I hate to even say that still) there’s the stress of not working; the self image of not working; the expectations I still have on myself that I’m trying to let go of… Long story short: I agree- working can really play a big part in our TMS. I hope you can find a way not to feel trapped @Rusty Red, because that’s a terrible feeling. And I’m sure it’s a great big source of rage.

 

[Sita]

This is an interesting subject. I read all the comments here.

I think that we are put here, we with TMS or maybe all people...I don't know..., we are put here to get over it, over our ego. To be uncomfortable, to change, in order to improve and let go, surrender.

I liked my jobs very much and was very good at them. (I had two different types of professions). Then I got very ill (not TMS, something else). I would have liked to work and I could not. My husband would have liked not to work and to compose music and play the guitar all day. But he has to work. I felt so sad and frustrated not being able to work but I got over it. It took me years and years to get over it and to accept it and be happy again. My husband is fine too, he's working on his hobbies in his spare time. I give him space to do this, it's important.

I practice my former professions in a different way. Instead of working in the architecture/art domain - I make jewelry at home and knit and draw and have many other creative hobbies. I give them away to friends and neighbors and I love seeing them happy. Instead of teaching foreign languages and helping students, I help in a different way. I do my best to be kind to people, all of them, strangers, friends' children, my own relatives and friends etc.

I understand the OP, he likes to help people. One can do that in other ways too, not necessarily having a profession/career in this area and being paid for it.

I think one needs to adapt. We need to. Surrendering is not easy, but what can one do? Be miserable and in pain for years and years?

 

[Diana-M]

Surrendering is not easy, but what can one do? Be miserable and in pain for years and years?

@Sita !
I love what you said here. It’s the exact thing happening to me and it’s so amazing and wonderful! I’ve gone kicking and screaming at first, but now I can see that everything was all wrong. it’s been hard to let go, but now I’m finally getting to be in the right place. I super hate to think TMS helped me do this, but I really think it did. I love your story!

 

[Sita]

Yes Diana. There is no growth without friction.

 

[homorobothead]

I would most definitely get out of my job if if were an option. People say money shouldn't be the driving factor and health is more important but that just isn't always reality, especially when you're the breadwinner. It is very unrewarding and a significant cause of stress for me. I always saw myself doing something to help people.

Obviously I could go back to school or take a pay cut for another job but again, not really feasible. I'm working on taking pleasure in being told I do a good job frequently and also delegating more to team members (I'm an account manager with reps under me) rather than just doing it all.

Hey friend!

I feel you. I actually work my dream job as a working artist, and sometimes I get resentful and jealous about the other potters around me in the studio instead of just being excited at the beautiful things they are making like a real a-hole.

It's like that old scary story we used to scare each other with where a babysitter keeps getting creepy phone calls, and eventually calls the police who tell her "it's coming from inside the house!" Like, we think that the pain and resentment is coming from outside of us (jobs, kids, spouses, other artists ahem) but really it's coming from inside of us. So, we can stay trapped in the house or we can walk out the door into the moonlight. Sometimes, I walk back into the house. But, I've finally started to realize that I am free.

Meaning, no matter what job we have, no matter our parents, no matter where we live, it doesn't matter, because the resentment, the pain we are grasping is coming from inside of us.

I was listening to this Secular Buddhist podcast, and the teacher was talking about there's this idea in Buddhism that you "must be grateful." but really there's no commandment for that. It's not required at all. Gratitude starts coming as byproduct when we realize how interconnected we all are, and how we actually rely on one another. Like, I couldn't be typing on this computer to talk to you without miners in Spain extracting quartz for computer chips, without people who maintain the roads, without the trees outside exuding oxygen, without you to give me a reason to type.

Jealousy and anger are part of being a human. We are allowed to forgive ourselves.

You got this. You are doing a great job and I believe in you !

 

[Diana-M]

I've finally started to realize that I am free.

Beautiful!

 

[Cactusflower]

“It's like that old scary story we used to scare each other with where a babysitter keeps getting creepy phone calls, and eventually calls the police who tell her "it's coming from inside the house!" Like, we think that the pain and resentment is coming from outside of us (jobs, kids, spouses, other artists ahem) but really it's coming from inside of us. So, we can stay trapped in the house or we can walk out the door into the moonlight. Sometimes, I walk back into the house. But, I've finally started to realize that I am free.”

Best analogy!!

 

[Mtnjac]

This is an inspiring thread! It reminds me of what my poor mother said as she was dying. “The chickens all came home to roost. If only I hadn’t tried to control everything!”

Learning to do what you can do and then letting it go, is the best lesson. Without the struggle to always have it our way, life becomes easier.

 

[Rusty Red]

From Think Away Your Pain:
"So if you have a job you hate, getting a new one will likely help ease your pain much more than just about anything else."

This sort of thing cranks my anxiety because it just makes me feel like I'm stuck like this if I won't change jobs.

 

[Mtnjac]

From Think Away Your Pain:
"So if you have a job you hate, getting a new one will likely help ease your pain much more than just about anything else."

This sort of thing cranks my anxiety because it just makes me feel like I'm stuck like this if I won't change jobs.

Hi Rusty Red,

There is seldom a perfect job. Those who find their bliss are fewer than those who don’t. I’ve had lots of jobs. Worked my way to the top by going every which way to make money. Needed to support myself and child.

Looking back, my various discomfort and pain came less from disliking my jobs, or bosses, coworkers, subordinates, commute, responsibilities, you name it, than from the expectations I had of ME and life.

If reluctant to change, might you need to explore the inner reasons for hating your job? As has been said, where ever you go, there you are.

If you feel overworked, unsatisfied or not living up to your potential, have you considered risking a frank discussion with your boss? There may be a better fit within the organization. You know what? They can’t eat you!

Sending you my caring hopes for resolution.