Letter to myself

I decided to write a letter to my future self in order to ensure that when I am free of pain I will not take it for granted. A fair warning, It’s going to sound very weird and corny I know, but I found it quite therapeutic. Hopefully one day, it may prove helpful.


David,

This is a letter I’m writing to YOU (my future self). I am writing to you in the assumption that you are free of pain and not in constant physical torment. You may have already forgotten what it was like to be me - to be in a state of pain and suffering. I am here to shake some sense into you. First, DO NOT ever forget what you have. It is a gift - truly. Always appreciate it. Thank God for it EVERY day. Don’t take it for granted. Please don’t. Don’t repeat the same mistakes you (I) made before. As I’m writing this to you, I’m not even sure you - the future me that is pain free - will actually come to be and that you (I) will ever get a chance to read this. So if you are, realize (even if you don’t remember) how awful it felt to be in constant pain. The perpetual fear and pain cycle. The hopelessness. Feeling like a total victim. Not being able to enjoy anything. Take it from me (the former You). You’re much better off than I am right now! Trust me. Why? Because I am you. Who knows you better?

I know you are probably thinking how bored you are. How empty life seems. No friends to do things with. A lack of purpose in life. It makes you want to throw your painfree gift out the window. I remember. I’m sure you do in part too. But this is like throwing a billion dollars down the toilet. Your happiness, your health, your sanity, is all vastly more valuable than that. Regardless of all this, I’m sure right now you simply don’t care. You feel what you feel. Nothing else matters. But I’m telling you - LET IT GO!! Choose to enjoy life - whatever you can. When you feel unstimulated and like there’s no point in getting up, that it’s futile…remember: You have two legs that work fine and a car that gets you from point A to point B. Get off your ass and do something. 7 years ago, WE would have killed for a car to get us places. Not to mention a girlfriend. That brings me to another important point, Future David. Quit dumping all this on Crystal. Ultimately, if you don’t, you WILL lose her. We will lose her. I will lose her.

As others have said, there’s never a good reason to be bored. This sounds harsh and unsympathetic, but I honestly don’t have sympathy for your boredom anymore. I’m in pain. Why do I give a shit about your boredom? DO something different today. Make just one small change. Do something you feel uncomfortable with. Call someone you haven’t in a while. Challenge yourself and your thoughts. Be as positive as you possibly can. Watch your thoughts at ALL times. It will make a difference. What other choice do you got?

Maybe things simply won’t go the way you want or hope. Maybe there will be days on end where you can’t seem to catch a break and no one is available at all for you. You just can’t find a friend to be there for you. To do something with. Anything. I KNOW this makes you feel discouraged. It seems simply unfair. Especially when it continues for days on end with no change in sight. But it is the black dot in the center of a very large white page. Count your blessings. There are MANY. Try not to let your happiness depend on others. Choose to see things differently. It’s honestly NOT that bad, even if right now it’s all you can feel or think of. Maybe there’s a cloud of depression and hopelessness over you right now that blinds you to the truth. But remember the benzo withdrawal? THAT was bad. Remember me - the constant back pain? THAT was bad (IS for me). What YOU’RE going through right now is not bad. It’s just life

Say at least one positive thing to Crystal everyday. Don’t feel like it? Tough shit. I’m not giving you a choice. DO IT DO IT DO IT. Do everything I’m telling you to do or it will come back to bite you in the ass. It may even haunt you.

So please, Future David, take these words to heart. I urge you, beg you even, don’t make the same mistakes we’ve been making. Don’t continue to go down the same path. You can break that cycle if you choose to. Won’t be easy, but it is doable. You can choose to be happier. Choose a different path. Choose a different future and outcome. You CAN do it.

Sincerely,

Your not so pain free self.


P.S - PLEASE do not make me have to write another one of these letters. If you do, I’ll seriously have to reach through this screen, time and space, and slap you across the face repeatedly.

 

Hi Davideus85,

So enjoyed reading this post. What a wonderful idea to write this letter to yourself. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you have written. Excellent advice!!!

Your Postscript made me laugh. It felt so good to do so because I seldom laugh these days and I've decided to make laughter a part of my daily regimen. Thanks for this wonderful post. You started my day off right. Have a wonderful day!