bostonrunner23
New Member
Hi,
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in july. I feel like I have been holding up emotionally pretty well , and now the reality of everything is slowly setting in that there is going ot be a life where i have to live without her. i have been avoiding that thought, and keeping the faith/having hope that my mom will defy the odds, but for some reason im now thinking maybe she wont defy the odds. the past few weeks have been really tough, she is not responding to chemo, so they are putting ehr ona. newly fda approved drug starting tomorrow. we have hope for this drug, but the side effects are not great, however, we will hold on to hope and pray she will defy the odds. i am training to run the boston half and then the boston marathon in the spring. i feel like my body has jsut been under a lot of stress so my stress is showing up in my neck back and shoulders since those might be my weaker points physically on my body now that ive overcome other areas of "pain" before, its trying to attack me there. i also understand how this can look symbolically..maybe my shoulders are hurting because i have been shouldering a lot fo my families pain. maybe my neck is sore and stiff because i havent found time to breathe properly, and have been holding everything in my neck..i don tknow, its not like ive done any extra physical activity. i think its just all stiffness, and tightness, and distratcions trying to pull me in so i dont have to deal with whats ogin on with ymmom at home, im tryong to remind myself that at the end of the day this is out of my control and whatever will be will be. i feel like when i take deep breaths or talk about it, it helps. ive stopped going to therapy and doing CBT because its expensive. so here i am resoprting to this online sub forum for some type of release in hopes that i will feel at ease in my shoudlers and back. i think also with the half ocming up im anticipating what my time will be/how my body wil hold up. i should just go out and remember what this training is about, im just having fun doing it for my mom and being grateful for my body to be able to do this. i just pray my own back shoulder and neck pain will subside with me acknowledging some emotional root causes
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in july. I feel like I have been holding up emotionally pretty well , and now the reality of everything is slowly setting in that there is going ot be a life where i have to live without her. i have been avoiding that thought, and keeping the faith/having hope that my mom will defy the odds, but for some reason im now thinking maybe she wont defy the odds. the past few weeks have been really tough, she is not responding to chemo, so they are putting ehr ona. newly fda approved drug starting tomorrow. we have hope for this drug, but the side effects are not great, however, we will hold on to hope and pray she will defy the odds. i am training to run the boston half and then the boston marathon in the spring. i feel like my body has jsut been under a lot of stress so my stress is showing up in my neck back and shoulders since those might be my weaker points physically on my body now that ive overcome other areas of "pain" before, its trying to attack me there. i also understand how this can look symbolically..maybe my shoulders are hurting because i have been shouldering a lot fo my families pain. maybe my neck is sore and stiff because i havent found time to breathe properly, and have been holding everything in my neck..i don tknow, its not like ive done any extra physical activity. i think its just all stiffness, and tightness, and distratcions trying to pull me in so i dont have to deal with whats ogin on with ymmom at home, im tryong to remind myself that at the end of the day this is out of my control and whatever will be will be. i feel like when i take deep breaths or talk about it, it helps. ive stopped going to therapy and doing CBT because its expensive. so here i am resoprting to this online sub forum for some type of release in hopes that i will feel at ease in my shoudlers and back. i think also with the half ocming up im anticipating what my time will be/how my body wil hold up. i should just go out and remember what this training is about, im just having fun doing it for my mom and being grateful for my body to be able to do this. i just pray my own back shoulder and neck pain will subside with me acknowledging some emotional root causes