I'm on day 6 of the program and I'm starting to see a clear pattern between emotional pain and my neck pain. All these years, I was trying to figure out which activity, sleep position, exercise, etc. was triggering the episodes of pain and I could never see a pattern. It was so frustrating. Now I understand why: it was never anything I was doing with my body, but always what was going on inside. So what is going inside? The main trigger is when I don't take care of my inner child, when I neglect my needs, when I put other people first instead of discussing and negotiating with them to find a solution that is suitable to everyone. In other words, my people pleasing is the big problem. Harriet Lerner, a therapist I really like, calls that "deselfing." I've always really love that concept and now that I can see how deselfing leads to physical pain, I am so much more motivated to take better care of myself. It's almost as if my body needed to go this far to get my attention. Wow! What a revelation for me. I'm in a situation now where family members want to come and visit from out of town. Although I'd love to see them, their visit is complicated and pretty inconvenient for me. When figuring it the logistics, I clearly saw myself go into people-pleasing mode, but I couldn't help it. Then, of course, I started to get the pain. Once I figured what had happened, the pain stopped. But now I'm left to deal with the problem of saying no to people and disappointing them. I guess that's better than a headache, but it still feels scary. Another issue is that the flip side of people pleasing is the anger and the need to cut people off. I get to a point where things are just so overwhelming that my only solution is to picture a world without all these people making demands on my time and energy. It's my go-to solution. Intellectually I know that between the two extremes of people pleasing and cutting people out of my life, there has to be some kind of middle ground. I guess learning to find that middle is my starting point.