last chat with your parents Day 26

This is difficult as both my parents are dead my mammy only a few years . But I do know a few years before my Mm died I did have major anger issues due to my childhood, it came from nowhere I just seemed to feel a lot of stuff and was recommended to talk to my Mam. Firstly my Mam to the day she died would tell everyone that what she did was just and well deserved and it made me the person I am today, that without it I would not be who I am . This infuriated my husband who was not emotionally and physically abused that it was laughed at and taken so lightly both by her and surprisingly enough by us.....
We thought thats the way it was we were 7 kids who knew no different we loved her and were told by her she had given up her life for us and we all knew we owed her big time. I spoke to her gently and explained I forgave her which I do and to some degree understood as she was not well and not coping and my Dad was not good to her. I explained without going into any past stories that all I needed her to say was " that is was not right and she should not have done it or even Sorry for it, just Sorry would have done . My Mam went off on one and she was in her 80's and she blew up saying why did I alway have to start stuff and that I was alway moaning when there was nothing to moan about etc etc. That was that then... prehalps sitting old and too much time to think she simply could't accept the fact that she had damaged us she was very devote old school catholic and believed in judgment day and maybe she did not want to see the wrongdoing when she would in her mind have to face the consequences . It was all she could do to cope , who knows ; she had been brought up in a violent house had her ear drums burst by her dad and thought it was ok so how could she know better. I love and forgive her and miss her every day .

 

Hi, Saoirse. You wrote about your past with your mother very well. It makes me believe she had her own TMS raising seven children with a husband who had his own problems. It's no wonder you have TMS pain.

You say you have forgiven your mother, but the anger remains. Maybe down deep you still have not forgiven her, or your father. I don't know how you are going to do that, but maybe the TMS technique of the Law of Attractions would help. Believe you and your mother are truly reconciled and your subconscious will accept that. I have seen some good web sites and Youtube videos on forgiving and also the Law of Attraction. Don't despair. You will solve this emotional problem.

 

Hi Saoirse,
Your story is very powerful and sad and I am not surprised you suffer from TMS (and your mom probably did, too!). I understand that kind of stress and guilt--as well as forgiveness. My own father was a tyrant. One day in my 20s I decided to confront him about all the abuse and violence. My sister arranged for a trip to the beach (a public place with her as a voice of reason) but he was not interested in talking, just wanted to swim and kept pushing me and dunking me in the water. So I left the water to calm down and when I came back he had broken his neck in the waves, was surrounded by lifeguards and my sister was screaming. I almost lost him that day but I learned true forgiveness: all of my anger and bad feelings dissipated in an instant upon seeing him almost die. I am glad you were able to forgive and love your mom, too. I hope this program helped your TMS and with confronting your stress, fear, or anger.

 

Wow Ali your story makes you pause for thought and it also makes you think of the act of forgiveness for yourself something I have always believed. I feel For-Giveness is for giving away with all the toxic feeling , sadness and anger that it is like a balm for. Hope all is well with you thanks for sharing your story.