Over the past few days, I’ve walked 500 meters despite the pain, without too much fear. I did it several times. I felt happy to do it — until now, I had only managed that kind of movement at home.
I went to the beach and did what I felt capable of. I really focused on living, rather than on anxiety and pain.
Yesterday, I also worked on my rumination and compulsions. I managed to feel happy in the evening and, for about 20 minutes while lying in bed, I didn’t feel any pain — a rare experience for me, since I usually feel a burning or heat sensation. After months I experienced the feeling of living beautiful things, with or without pain.
The real difficulty comes in the morning, when starting over feels incredibly hard. Knowing that this is a journey without a guaranteed outcome clearly adds to the anxiety.
Despite my morning routine, I feel empty and aimless. Working on the computer doesn't motivate me (I work in SEO and have an e-commerce).
I've created a routine and introduced some positive practices:
- I write down all the “proof” I have: I’ve overcome this same problem before; my personality aligns 100% with the traits described by Dr. Sarno; I’ve had surgery on my left knee and dealt with chronic pain in both knees; before the knee issues, I experienced tension and cracking in my hips, ankle, jaw, and back.
- I visualize locking my thoughts away in a black jar or in Aladdin’s lamp, and then I shift my attention — I play with my daughter or focus on future projects.
- In the morning, before breakfast, I drink plenty of water, move gently and fluidly (brisk walking or amateur Tai Chi), practice 4-7-8 breathing, and spend time outdoors — I’m lucky to have a beautiful view.
- Every night before bed, I meditate and write in a gratitude journal: things I’m proud of, goals I’d like to achieve, and affirmations like “I only have TMS; my knees are improving and healing.”
- I make sure to leave the house at least once a day — for a walk or to go to the beach. I’m fortunate to live in a nice place.
- I’d like to create a full-body routine, whether I’m having a good or bad day — including plank, side plank, foot exercises, hip and shoulder work.
How can I tell if I have repressed emotions?
In the past, I was able to reduce the pain by ignoring fear and surrounding myself with friendly, supportive people. The pain became more manageable. But I understand that working on TMS is a gradual process, and over time it should either reduce the pain or provide clearer insight into its origin.
There are still things that keep me trapped in overthinking: spending too much time at home working on the computer doesn’t help me shift my focus; feeling persistent burning, sensitivity, and heat in the same areas; having weak legs — and although neuroplasticity is crucial, I know physical weakness doesn’t help and is a real difference between me and others who’ve recovered. For example,
@Mr Hip Guy was able to run, work, and stand — a very different situation from mine.