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Day 3 Kevin T - One week in but only on day 3. Already struggling.

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Kevin T, May 2, 2017.

  1. Kevin T

    Kevin T Newcomer

    I was so enthused on first few days after reading books and discovery of site / forum / SEP. Regrettably I had several serious circumstances that kept me away. Picked up the daily studies Monday. I am afraid to say I have become frustrated already. First few days pain subsided then went "wide open and sideways" on me. I understand this can be expected but tough to be positive. Medication or something seems to be making me very irritated / frustrated / fatigued even more than usual... wanted to cease them due to this very reason (besides the fact they hardly work and rob me of the best parts of me) and did well the first few days but with pain worse, I'm losing that battle (for now).
    The thing that got me frustrated was hearing about the typical personality type and the sound clips of individuals struggling to overcome TMS. I am not an A-type. Far from it. I am often accused of being too laid back and calm. My wife however is a strong A type and proud of it, so I know it well. She is the picture of the personality in the study.
    I have a strong Christian faith and although I have had some very traumatic events in my life, I have come to a place of peace with them all (as far as my conscious mind can tell.) Clearly there may be things I am not aware of. The idea of getting angry with inner child was more than I could manage. Even if I can get my head around an inner child, there is no anger. Certainly there is a ton of anger and frustration but only at the pain. I feel compassion for the child if he is in there and thinks the way he does driven by desire and fear.
    I said I am not a worrier or stressed. I am also very positive (can't you tell?). That applies to every area of my life except my back pain. In that case I am obsessed with worry, negativity, anger and frustration. I just want to hit myself in the back with a baseball bat a lot of days. Like that is normal?
    Ok...vent over. :). I know that doesn't sound like a laid back person but....
    Any thoughts / comments from anyone with similar would be greatly appreciated. I have been struggling for 23 years. For the last 5 the pain has been pretty much non-stop. Still working and doing but going crazy as is obvious from above.
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi again, Kevin. It's still that 100 percent belief problem. Maybe do what I did and add confidence that your Christian belief will help you. I pictured myself surrounded by the white light of the Holy Spirit, protecting me from harm and pain. In TMS it's called visualization, imagining yourself somewhere peaceful and safe.
  3. If 6 was 9

    If 6 was 9 Peer Supporter

    Hi KevinT,
    You sound a bit like me in that I've had back pain for about 25 years and I'm a pretty laid back person as well. I differ from you that I'm not religious. You're lucky you've got strong faith as faith and belief are the things that you'll need to heal.
    There are different types of personalities in TMSers as you'll probably learn over the coming weeks. You don't have to be a full blown perfectionist or goodist or depressive or the other typical personality types. Usually one or two will stand out and then you may discover you have elements of the others but in less obvious ways. Don't worry about the timescale. I'm coming to the end of the program and I've been doing it for three months, maybe more.
    Also, showing compassion for the inner child is good. He's not a very rational being, he just needs soothing and acknowledgement. I'm still learning on that one, too.
    All the best with yr journey. Your writing already shows some emotion which is a good sign.

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