1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Our TMS drop-in chat is tomorrow (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern (now on US Standard Time) . It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support, with Enrique as your host. Look for the red Chat flag on top of the menu bar!


Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021), Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Some words of wisdom from Joyce Meyer, best-selling author of inspirational books:

    “A number 2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere.”

    (I add: Especially in TMS journaling!)

    “Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a decision we make because we want to do what’s right before God. It’s a quality decision that won’t be easy, and it may take time to get through the process, depending on the severity of the offense.”

    (Yesterday I walked over to a neighbor and apologized for raising my voice in a disagreement. I felt good immediately for being the one to bury the hatchet. I doubt he ever would have, but what did it matter if I was the peacemaker?)

    “I’m only going to stand before God [some day] and give an account for my life, not for somebody else’s life. If I have a bad attitude, then I need to say three’s no point in me blaming you for what’s wrong in my life.”

    (It relieves pain to stop letting other people live our lives for us, or to live their lives for them.)

    “I know from personal experience how damaging it can be to live with bitterness and unforgiveness. I like to say it’s like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. And it really is that harmful to us to live this way."

    (I’ve forgiven everyone who has given me pain one way or other. I need to be 100 percent certain I’ve forgiven myself.)

    “Your joy comes from how you think, the choices that we make in life.”

    (Choose to be happy. Choose to help others.)

    “There are some hurts that we experience that can be forgiven, but we won’t forget them.”

    (So very true. The pain of being betrayed can last and last.)

    “Teachers can change lives with just the right mix of chalk and challenges.”

    (I remember several. They really did enrich my life.)

    “If you want to have sustained joy, you have to not only make sure that you think right, but you also have to make decisions now that are going to guarantee some joy in the future.”

    (Put a smile on your face and see how people smile back at you.)

    “People need to be willing to face truth about their attitudes, behaviors, even what we want out of life.”

    (We are what we think. Think we’re pain free and we will be. Think we like someone we marginally don’t like and we can like them, at least a little and for God’s sake, if not for our own. Few people are all bad. Some are just close to it. The trick is to forgive them and not expect much from them. Let God judge them, not be the judge ourselves.)
    G.R. likes this.
  2. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Hi Walt, I was impressed by your post. I was betrayed and used. Never expected this in my life. I have
    always been a down to earth person, honest, forgiving. This I could not except. I hope you will reply to
    my post, I am in such need of comfort in any way. Nancy
  3. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Thank You Walt for replying. I am widowed now for a little over 3 yrs. It was a suicide. I remain unknowing
    why, why?? We were married for 39 yrs. It all ended with his betrayal and not being able to explain in any
    way why it happened. I am left in knowing nothing and trying to forgive. I will never forget, too many yrs
    together. He let my son and myself witness this. I have such pain in my legs which I had before this happened.
    If I could lose this pain, I may be able to move on with life and help my children through this. God Bless You,
  4. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Walt, I didn't mean to complain, I just plain hurt for my sons and myself. My sons are more
    important than myself. I have been left in this alone and trying to move on from the pain and
    wanting to help my sons, who I love dearly. I feel insecure, unloved, and want to get back to who
    I was. The pain is awful, but I will survive with God as my savior. Thank You, Nancy
  5. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Dear Nancy, I know you aren't complaining. You're just hurting from the loss you've suffered.
    Now that I know why, that your husband of so many years took his own life, I understand a lot better.

    I'm not a psychologist or doctor, but the way I would look at it is, it wasn't your fault. You gave love to him and
    your marriage or it wouldn't have lasted for 39 years.

    We all keep secrets to ourselves. I doubt anyone ever completely reveals their feelings or emotions to anyone.
    Your husband must have kept one or more things to himself that ended with him taking his own life.

    I think that today that is easier to understand than it once was for me to accept. I am 83 years old and thought
    I lived through the worst economic depression our country has ever had, the 1930s Great Depression. I was born
    in 193o0 so I went through that entire decade. It was very hard. My parents fought over money, nothing else.
    We moved from one apartment to another almost every year and I never knew why. Years later I asked my
    older brother and he said "Because we couldn't pay the rent."

    My sister and brother and I sometimes did our homework at the kitchen table by candlelight because the electric company
    shut off the power for failure to pay the bill. If we didn't have any coal left for the stove in the kitchen, we put on an
    extra sweater or overcoat. I slept in a cold house with so many blankets over me I couldn't get to sleep because of their weight.

    Time marched on and we were out of the Depression, but into World War II. I was too young to serve but my brother enlisted
    in the Navy near the start of the war, when he was just 16. He said he joined to be patriotic, having watched so many war
    movies as an usher, but also to escape the arguments at home over money.

    I could write a lot more, but it's mainly to say your husband had one or more reasons for leaving you and your sons.
    Don't even try to understand what they were, because they may have been other things. Just try to forgive him, knowing
    he lived as long as he could, and that his decision probably had nothing to do with you.

    Forgive yourself, too, for any real or imagined grievances you may have had against him, or he of you. Find relief and
    contentment in knowing that God forgives him for taking his own life. God gave him pressures he could no longer endure.
    He has found peace in God's love and care.

    Find your own peace in the love for your sons. Thank the Lord that you have them, and give them all the love you possibly can.

    Find peace too in knowing God loves you and your sons.

    I'm not a Religious Right zealot, but an average Christian. I'm finding more peace every day when I open the Bible to any
    verse and reflect on it. If you aren't a church-goer, consider going. If not, just spend some quiet time at home or at a church
    that is empty with no service, and pray. Pray for peace in your mind and heart. God will hear you.

    Do you have a pet? I'm allergic to cats, so I've stuck with dogs. I'm with my third black Labrador Retriever mix. Annie is 12 now.
    She had been abandoned and I got her at a shelter, so she is my "Little Orphan Annie." I saved her life when I took her from the
    shelter and she has been saving mine ever since. My first two black Labs I had one at a time and each lived to be 16 and a half years.
    People ask how they lived so long and I say, "Love." I give them love and they give it back, many times more.

    If at all possible, get a dog. Save a puppy or older dog from a shelter. It will find a very special place in your heart and love.

    God bless.
    Forest and G.R. like this.
  6. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Hi there Walt, You have no idea what your response meant to me. It is not easy to even write the words of what
    happened. It gives me a feeling of guilt, of what I could have done to prevent this. I don't know, I did try very hard
    to help him although it was difficult because he had betrayed me, why I 'll never know. I am so sorry for your experiences
    in your youth with the Depression. My parents always reminded me of what they had to endure during that time. My Dad
    was born in 1914, my Mom in 1918, they suffered tremendously also. You are such a kind hearted man after enduring all
    of this trauma, God Bless you. I am a Christian also, do I go to church every Sun, No I don't. I do pray everyday and after
    receiving your post yesterday I went to the the Church of Nativity and just prayed. Oh and Yes I do love dogs, I have 2
    mini schnauzers, both pure black. We share our lives completely, we spend our days together, they sleep in my bed with me,
    I simply adore them. You have helped me tremendously, I almost had a pain free day, you are the magic man as is Eric. Thanks
    you Walt!! God Bless.
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Nancy, you are a sweetie. Thank you for the kind words. I live alone, with just my beloved dog, so the forum is wonderful for me,
    meeting new people through it and sharing thoughts and pains.

    I have a lot to be grateful for and laugh about my childhood in the Great Depression. I don't just think about the downer stuff.

    I became a reporter for the Chicago Tribune, a magazine editor, and started fulltime freelancing 40 years ago. I have that many books
    published (a list of them is at amazon.com books under Walter G. Oleksy and at my web site: www.walteroleksybooks.com.

    If you want a laugh, my first job as a writer for pay was during the Great Depression when I was about nine years old. A next-door neighbor we called "Blondie" was married to a GI who was in Germany in World War II and met her there. He asked her to learn to speak and write English while he was gone, but she spent most of her days at home reading movie magazines. She imagined herself being Jean Harlow.

    One day she asked if I would write her letters to her husband for her. I agreed and she paid me 25 cents per letter. I went to a lot of movies back then and heard lots of love talk like Charles Boyer said to Hedy Lamarr in "Algiers," so I wrote in my letters saying to her husband what Boyer said to Hedy. It was a riot! I wrote at least a letter a week and for me it was good pay. I used it to go see more movies to get more to write about.

    Don't feel guilty because of your husband. We can't live anyone's life for them. He needed to find his own way out and took it. It's awful that he left you and your sons behind. It looks like he never gave a clue as to why he wanted out of his life.

    I hope you can focus on the good times together. It's wonderful that you went to church and prayed. God answers our prayers. I believe that.
    I'm also glad you have two dogs. They must be beautiful and fun to play with and hug.

    Here's Annie in a sari. She loves to burrow under the sheet on the couch she sleeps on.

    I'll attach a photo of Annie in a sari. Bless you and keep posting. annie in a sari.jpg annie in a sari.jpg
  8. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    Nancy, I was a young widow for nine years, raising two young children. It was not easy;
    especially with all the responsibility. It was so overwhelming to me. I, also, like Walt
    found my comfort from God and I did spend a lot of time just talking with Him, sharing
    my feelings. I also tried to have a lot of friends and family around me. I had wished
    I shared my feelings with my friends and family more but I did not. I would encourage
    to share your heart with those who love you. Maybe, journaling might help you. I know
    I am journaling now about my husband's death and this is the first time I am having
    some good cries. And it feels so good.

    You are going to get through this. There are many people here on the wiki to support you.
    I am here for you. I understand what you are going through. G.R.
    nancy and Forest like this.
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi again, Nancy. Like GR I believe journaling is great. I resisted it at first
    but once I did a few days of it, I realized I was uncovering much more of longtime
    repressed emotions than I ever thought I would. Steve Ozanish is right... those
    emotions do go way back to our childhood. Then maybe a new situation acts as
    a trigger to remind us of the old situation.

    But I think it's not a good idea to do any journaling or even thinking about what our
    repressed emotions might be after the sun goes down. It can be done earlier, then
    spend the evening doing something we enjoy, that can make us happy.

    Remember Scarlett O'Hara said "Tomorrow is another day."

    Tonight I'll watch PBS television, Part 4 of "The Palace," an early 1900s drama about
    the first department store in London. It takes the mind off everything else.
  10. nancy

    nancy Well known member

  11. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Your pup A beauty, so much expression in her eyes. Much like my Joseph and George W.
    I just love her
    Walt, will write in the am. I am having a hard night but will recover in the am. God Bless, Nancy
  12. nancy

    nancy Well known member

  13. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    I appreciate you writing back, it is late but I don't sleep a lot more a lot these days. I would love to talk to
    you in person. My cell is 908-625-9069, if you are interested. Love, Nancy
  14. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I''ll call you later. Its been a busy day.

    Do you have trouble sleeping because maybe your mind is too active a few hour before bedtime?
    I try to just relax for about two hours, watch something on tv that isn't exciting and can put me to sleep.
    Or listen to soft music.

    Someone else wrote that he is awake all night thinking about what repressed emotions may be causing
    his pain. No wonder he can't sleep.

    If I don't fall right to sleep, I do some deep breathing, think of a pastoral scene like a sunny beach,
    and repeat my favorite mantra: "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."

    Actually, I'll try calling you right now.
  15. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    I just want you to know what you write on this wiki so touches me. I appreciate all the time
    you put in responding to everyone. You just warm my heart.
    Forest likes this.
  16. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, GR. Thanks for the sweet words.
    You too post a lot of good vibes for us all.

    I may say the wrong thing sometime, but mean well.

    Hope your not hurting.

    It's great to see people like you replying to posts that say we help each other. That's the whole idea.
  17. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Nancy, I called but no answer.
    I hope it means you're out on the town kicking up your heels. Or loafers.

    I turn off my phone about 7 pm. I like to watch a good old movie or some animal or nature stuff on tv
    and mellow out. Phone calls after 7 pm are usually bad news that can wait until morning.
  18. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    Hi my friend, I just read your post. It made me laugh which I haven't done a whole lot of in a
    few yrs now. Wish I was out on the town kicking up my heels!! Or loafers, depending upon my
    mood that day or should I say my level of comfort. I posted the wrong cell # by one #, sorry.
    My cell is 908-625-9269. . Thanks Walt and hope to talk to you some time soon. You're a great
    man and a great supporter!
  19. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    OPPS! I can't believe I forgot to tell you about "Annies" pic in the Sari. Just
    brought a smile to my face. She is just awesome. I am such a dog lover also. I
    hold birthday parties for them with hats for them and cupcakes. Just a family
    event tho, some would consider me completely nuts. I also shut my phone off
    and don't turn it on until about noon, usually just someone wanting to sell
    insurance or carpet service. Not interested, too busy working on my TMS.
    Bless you also, Nancy
  20. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I have the right cell phone number now. Will call in a little while.

    I've had birthday parties for my dogs, too. When my dog before Annie and Max was
    ten I had a big party with neighbors and friends. The kids really were excited about it
    and days beforehand said they told their school friends about it. It was a lot of fun.

    Annie is a champion "burrower." She loves to roll over on her back on the couch and
    upset the sheet and blanket under it. One morning she wore the sheet like a sari and
    I ran and got the camera.

    It's funny about the telephone. Most people love being on the phone and text messaging
    and all that stuff. I only have one phone, in the house, and no hand-held gadget.
    I prefer being out of touch. Maybe that comes from having been a Chicago Tribune reporter
    and being on the phone so much.

Share This Page