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Day 1 Joy Anxiety and Pain: A brief summary of my day

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Edward, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. Edward

    Edward Peer Supporter

    Well I actually started the program a we while ago then ended up stopping. The pain / anxiety etc has started to heat up again so I thought it might be wise to try the TMS wiki again. I am currently at music school studying guitar. I have had pain in my arms since I was 16 at the age of 19 I pretty much gave up on playing guitar because of the pain. After breaking up with my old girlfriend I decided the only thing left for me was to go and study music. I read Sarno's book so that gave me some hope in making it out of music school alive. Anyways I loved the week 0 program just stuck that on and had a listen while having breaks and going to bed etc. Pulled out so much from it i.e telling yourself its ok not push yourself and to care less about things. After watching this T.V show community I felt like to get over my symptoms I had to have a really out going personality to push myself out of my comfort zone. So i.e say if i didn't do something like wear a totally un cool outfit or talk to someone who wasn't my friend etc i would give myself a bit of a hard time. I guess it just feels a bit better to know that I don't have to pressure myself to do things I don't want to do and that that is o.k! Today i started getting a bit worked up in class. Another tendency I have is to over think Sarno's claims and wounder if what i am doing is right. So anyways I was getting a bit worked up and tight so I went to the bathroom and I just looked in the mirror for ages and then I said nah your not leaving until you accept your beauty and love yourself and then I ended up giving myself a big grin and felt the love towards myself pouring in and after that I felt so much better. Latter on in the day I felt flet not right as I was listening to music while driving a couple of mates back from course both who are friends one of which I not entirely comfortable around . Anyways I was fairly certain both did not like the music (brutal metal!) . So I kept thinking to myself should I change the music or should I just keep it running its not hurting anyone/ you don't want to look like a pussy/ who cares its just music! Three different things in my head. Anyways got home and my brothers like dude do you want me to get you a new pair of jeans. I was slightly hesitant in saying yes at first although I knew I wasn't going to turn it down. The reason for me thinking maybe I shouldn't was the idea that clothing is one of things where your just getting love from something else and not yourself. But I wasn't going to turn down new jeans. Anyways got the jeans and that was cool then got some shoes which i did and didn't really need. I found it hard to feel good abut myself when getting these things and when i got home i was trying to match my new gears with my wardrobe whilest also battling with myself to feel good about myself! Is it not o.k to get new clothes? I just hope some answers start to come in! Just kind of clicked I wasn't a 100 percent happy with the jeans that i got...slight frustration?...I don't know
     

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