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Day 11 Journaling works!

H

hikko

Peer Supporter
Ever since I started journaling a few weeks ago I ocassionaly would get dreams/nightmares related to past events where I supressed my emotions. I'm really starting to believe that through journaling we can communicate with the subconsious parts of ourselves, and our subconsious can respond via our dreams.

Last night my dream basically told me what I should journal about today - relationship problems I had with my wife before we got married. Problems which, intellectually I thought I had "moved on" from but really it was just emotional supression. I know this to be true because I felt the emotions as I was journaling today. But it wasn't so bad! I think some of the self-compassion work I did earlier this year really helped tone down the intensity of my superego. It was sooo bad before, no wonder I felt so conflicted and tense all the time. Everyday my superego would be telling me:

"That's not how you should feel, you should feel like this"
"If you are a good person you must do that"
"If you think this you are a terrible person"
"You should just move on"
"This is your fault, you should be ashamed"

Anyways. Journaling has been a breakthrough for me. I was putting it off because I was lazy AF and didn't really believe that writing things out can have any impact. But boy was I wrong...
 
hikko

I love reading your report. The work with the superego is extremely important for some of us. I'm so happy for you to have more self-compassion!

And as you're finding, I think, it is the gatekeeper which tries to block more in-depth understanding. It is guarding our self-image, so that insights which threaten our sense of self can be kept out of sight. It works through fear. And it can feel very powerful.

With your journaling, you remind me that as we open to understanding more, ask for understanding and take action, such as journaling in this case, then our organism responds. The dreams and insights and more questions come... Beautiful!! To me this shows the beautiful wisdom that we're embedded in, or that is imbedded in us. It is reassuring for me when I have this understanding.

Andy
 
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