nadia
Peer Supporter
First I want to thank all you who have commented on my threads. I have never done an online group before, so this is pretty new to me. Not to mention that TMS is a BIG learning curve. I really appreciate the welcome, acceptance and encouragement I've received.
Yesterday (day 5) in the journaling exercise I chose one event from my past list to free write on for 15 mins. The whole time I was trying to journal about a childhood issue (that I think is pretty major...but also one I've focused on many years ago in 12 step and therapy), I kept feeling negative emotions about my current life: my relationship with my husband, our children, our financial situation, debt, half-renovated house, peri-menopause, aging, and so on. I had to keep pushing these thoughts aside and dragging myself back to my topic which was to focus on 4 year old me! It was strange as I didn't really have any strong feelings about the 'past event' and at the end of the 15 minutes I realized that i was at peace with that event.
Today, day 6, I read the lesson, watched the clip (which was so great) and came to the journaling exercise, which again focuses on a past event. I reviewed by list of past events and nothing there is triggering emotion for me. I wonder if this is due to my having spent several yeas in 12 steps, group and individual counseling working on these childhood issues? Could it be that it is my present life that is holding me hostage in pain? It's been the past 4-5 years that I've had the SI, joint and digestive issues which correlates with my first-born turning 18 which was incredibly traumatic for me. Since then two more of our children have turned 18, graduated high school and struck out in the world, which has affected me deeply. I have so much guilt about my mothering. I am crying as I type this.... So I think I am onto something here.
I considered the issues with my children to be present events, but now realize these happened in the past...just not the distant past.
Also, on the question to ponder for day 5 I couldn't think of any activities that I use to do, or want to do but aren't doing. My favorite things to do are gourmet cooking, reading, taking courses, lunches with friends, traveling and spending time with my husband and our children. And I do these things regularly, well, other than the traveling which we do occasionally if and when finances allow. I use to do a lot of sewing and scrap-booking but have attempted these at various times over the years and no longer enjoy these activities. Maybe I need to think of new activities to tackle?
Comments welcome...
~ N
Yesterday (day 5) in the journaling exercise I chose one event from my past list to free write on for 15 mins. The whole time I was trying to journal about a childhood issue (that I think is pretty major...but also one I've focused on many years ago in 12 step and therapy), I kept feeling negative emotions about my current life: my relationship with my husband, our children, our financial situation, debt, half-renovated house, peri-menopause, aging, and so on. I had to keep pushing these thoughts aside and dragging myself back to my topic which was to focus on 4 year old me! It was strange as I didn't really have any strong feelings about the 'past event' and at the end of the 15 minutes I realized that i was at peace with that event.
Today, day 6, I read the lesson, watched the clip (which was so great) and came to the journaling exercise, which again focuses on a past event. I reviewed by list of past events and nothing there is triggering emotion for me. I wonder if this is due to my having spent several yeas in 12 steps, group and individual counseling working on these childhood issues? Could it be that it is my present life that is holding me hostage in pain? It's been the past 4-5 years that I've had the SI, joint and digestive issues which correlates with my first-born turning 18 which was incredibly traumatic for me. Since then two more of our children have turned 18, graduated high school and struck out in the world, which has affected me deeply. I have so much guilt about my mothering. I am crying as I type this.... So I think I am onto something here.
I considered the issues with my children to be present events, but now realize these happened in the past...just not the distant past.
Also, on the question to ponder for day 5 I couldn't think of any activities that I use to do, or want to do but aren't doing. My favorite things to do are gourmet cooking, reading, taking courses, lunches with friends, traveling and spending time with my husband and our children. And I do these things regularly, well, other than the traveling which we do occasionally if and when finances allow. I use to do a lot of sewing and scrap-booking but have attempted these at various times over the years and no longer enjoy these activities. Maybe I need to think of new activities to tackle?
Comments welcome...
~ N
Veronica
