Journaling and emotions

[blackdog]

Hey all,

I am nearing the end of the SEP and worked on Day 38 yesterday. During Forest's interview with Nichole Sachs, LCSW they said (paraphrasing) "there are all of those emotions, but what you really need to get out is the anger." I have noticed that in my journaling it has been mostly sadness that I have been getting in touch with. I have stuffed sadness down for many years and have always had a great deal of it (along with fear). So, it seems good to me that sadness is what is coming up. But, am I not doing it "right?" There has been some anger, but I am not getting at the core of that I don't think (because the sadness is so much?). My girlfriend and I split up about 3-4 months ago (and she was my best friend too), I feel somewhat disabled right now (or at least it is taking awhile to get over the "feeling broken" stage - it's hard to tell which with my symptoms being what they are), and I just feel basically lost. So, it does seem like sadness is an "appropriate" emotion now (and may take me some time to work through considering how much I have repressed it and for how long). And my therapist really wants me to see when I am putting pressure on myself, and questioning this certainly causes pressure. But, I am interested in people's opinions as to whether I am doing the journaling effectively if sadness has been my focus rather than rage or anger ass much. Is it as Michael Brown says, "Presence knows no order of difficulty?" But I wonder too, and I never would have thought this was possible, that I am more afraid of the anger than the sadness. That the amount of activation that I would feel with anger may seem like too much for me to handle in my highly anxious state. Thank you,

Andrew

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Andrew. Sadness resulting from breaking up with hour girlfriend is a legitimate TMS emotion. It may subconsciously involve anger as well.
Relationship problems are a major cause of TMS pain and anxiety. You're doing journaling correctly by writing about your sadness and
anxious feelings. Ending a relationship can be real difficult, but keep positive, that you are going to find an even better relationship. Keep
yourself open to it.

 

[Kathi]

Isn't there some anger at your partner or yourself for not making the relationship work?

 

[Cap'n Spanky]

I had a very similar experience, especially at first. It seemed like my main emotion was sadness, sometimes tilting into depression.

Personally, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You are exploring your emotions as honestly as you can. I've heard it said that sadness (and anxiety) can be a mask for the deep rage we feel towards others. We just won't allow ourselves to go there. Give yourself time and be good to yourself. Things will work out.

On a side note, I found myself often going to a dark place when I was heavily into journaling. It's good to have a counter balance, because there truly is a positive, happy side to life. One thing that has help me is a book called "The Happiness Advantage" by Shawn Achor. It helps me focus on the positive stuff. I actually have the audio book and play it all the time.

Best of luck to you!!

 

[blackdog]

Thank you guys. I do think there is anger and that is why I submitted the post. It's just that sadness is coming up more. What you all said makes a lot of sense though. I am watching out for depression and feared I was going inot it a couple of times, but I came back out. I am doing a lot of meditating and that helps. The book "The Places That Scare You" by Pema Chodren is also helping me to allow what is. Thank you Cap'n for your encouragement and Walt for daring to suggest that I have faith another relationship will come. I so don't want to pet go of her. But I know that I have to at some point and you have given me the courage to at least look at that more closely.

Andrew