This one will be short, as I am very tired. I journaled today about one of the things on my list (one of the heaviest, the death of my father 7 years ago). While journaling I was very unsure where to go and I tried to remember how I felt during that period. I wrote down some angry things but I don't know if I am really angry about it or I expect myself to be angry since that is what I read about TMS; that anger is often not consciously experienced and hidden away. I journaled for about 20 minutes, and I felt the pain increasing in my back. At the end, it was pretty bad. What I read in the Educational Activity for today is that if you pay attention to the body's response (e.g. increased pain), you know what the mind is doing (in this case it sees unwanted things and wants to shift attention away) However, I did not feel any emotions come up around that time and I thought to myself: "wtf, why can't I feel anything, it is such a big moment in my life". After the 20 minutes, I wrote own more line and then I just felt hopeless and then it hit me, I started crying. Which was quite a surprise. It was almost like a 'giving up'-feeling. I didn't cry very hard or for very long, but I did cry. I haven't cried in quite some time, so I'm quite happy about it. I still feel the back pain, but that is alright, that is my mind trying to help me. When I'm less tired and when it is less hot outside I think I can be more focused on remembering and writing. By the way, thanks for all the responses to my previous posts, I appreciate it. I am not responding much since I haven't have much time and I also want to sleep (I do this before I go to bed).