It's you, brain!

Joulegirl

Joulegirl

Beloved Grand Eagle
I'm still dealing with a symptom imperative. My TMS chatter was very active this morning and it was telling me that maybe I need to see a doctor. Or maybe it could be something else. And I finally just said to my brain..."It's you brain! You are causing the pain! You can turn it off whenever you want!"

It stopped the TMS chatter but the pain level remained and that is fine. About a 1/2 hour later I went to pick up my purse to leave and got zapped with pain from another symptom! (A symptom imperative to my symptom imperative?!?) I honestly just laughed at this point. My purse is small and it did not cause an injury. I continued on my way.

I am honestly amazed how my brain is working right now. I've really given up a lot of of my OCD compulsions by really just not wanting to do them anymore. I'm also not letting this symptom imperative get to me. I've honestly just ignored it and carried on with life like I normally do. I know all of this is throwing my brain into a tizzy. I've also weaned off one medication because my main symptom that I've dealt with since January 2024 has really lessened. This is amazing and pretty unbelievable to me. I was taking that medication every 4-6 hours to help with symptoms.

Just wanted to post about my TMS today being crazy. I've had TMS for at least 30 years so I know that unlearning all these patterns will take time so these new symptoms are not scaring me. I'm so thankful for this forum. You guys have encouraged me and helped me when I was at my lowest. Seeing the changes in my pain and that my TMS is grasping at straws by changing the pain is also so rewarding that the "work" is actually working!

So if you are feeling at your lowest, just know that if you keep doing the work and finding a community (this forum!) you will see results. It might take a while, and it might be frustrating, but it is worth it to know that you are in charge of your healing!
 
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@Joulegirl!
You are brave and strong! Every day you lend hope to me, and to all of us. Don’t let your TMS brain get to you. It’s JOB is to find a way to scare you. I noticed that over the years, as a lifelong TMSer, hardly anything would scare me. I’d ignore all my symptoms—and eventually they’d subside or go away. Until this recent TMS. My brain pulled out all the stops. I’m serious. Anyone could easily be terrified by my composite of bizarre and extreme symptoms. But you know what has convinced me it’s TMS? The stories on this forum. I can’t get over what the TMS brain is capable of doing to people. I like to have this saying: “TMS can do anything.” Anything. Pain is only one of the things. It can affect anything in the body. Sarno said it uses nerves, tendons and muscles. Nerves are everywhere in your body. So are muscles and tendons. Your brain is working overtime to scare you. Tell it “Down Boy!” (And I know you are!)

I swear to you we are going to win. One of these days, this will all be over.
 
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Same! In the past, TMS symptoms would come and go. It was always chalked up to some medical condition and it never made since. But since it went away I just carried on with life. Since January 2024, it stopped me in my tracks and I had to pay attention! This work is hard and it's honestly a bit scary to let go and sit in uncertainty. But man, I have seen things change in my body.

You are a big source of encouragement and helped me see how we need to dig into our past and our emotions. There were times I wanted to give up but you would tell me to keep going! Thank you for that!
 
Joulegirl said:
There were times I wanted to give up but you would tell me to keep going! Thank you for that!
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Thank YOU for saying that. It’s always my hope to help anyone here. ❤️

Ditto! Thank you! Your virtual smile and sweet soul always comfort me—even on my bad days. And your dedication to the work is a phenomenal example, always leading me on. :)
 
Diana-M said:
@Joulegirl!
You are brave and strong! Every day you lend hope to me, and to all of us. Don’t let your TMS brain get to you. It’s JOB is to find a way to scare you. I noticed that over the years, as a lifelong TMSer, hardly anything would scare me. I’d ignore all my symptoms—and eventually they’d subside or go away. Until this recent TMS. My brain pulled out all the stops. I’m serious. Anyone could easily be terrified by my composite of bizarre and extreme symptoms. But you know what has convinced me it’s TMS? The stories on this forum. I can’t get over what the TMS brain is capable of doing to people. I like to have this saying: “TMS can do anything.” Anything. Pain is only one of the things. It can affect anything in the body. Sarno said it uses nerves, tendons and muscles. Nerves are everywhere in your body. So are muscles and tendons. Your brain is working overtime to scare you. Tell it “Down Boy!” (And I know you are!)

I swear to you we are going to win. One of these days, this will all be over.
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you mind to have a chat? I want to know how you keep having faith after not getting better. I'm so done with my situation. I think I'd be more alive in a coma. I just want the littlest of improvements, just a little something to boost morale
 
Mani said:
you mind to have a chat? I want to know how you keep having faith after not getting better. I'm so done with my situation. I think I'd be more alive in a coma. I just want the littlest of improvements, just a little something to boost morale
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Hey, @Mani,
I totally understand your feelings. I’m rounding the bend on almost two years on the forum (4 years when my symptoms began this time). For most of the past year I felt like you, then something changed. I started to believe that I will get better; it’s just a matter of time, as long as I stick with the work. I based this on all the stories I’ve read on the forum —and in other places— of people getting better.

I picture it like a master lock that I’m trying to open, and when I get the combination right, it will click open. I also recognize that a ton of things contributed to this round of TMS. Years’ worth of things, and a bunch of difficult circumstances and situations in my life—none of them processed, because I didn’t have the right skills. I just know that I’m in deep, and cleaning up such a big mess is going to take time.

Once I started journaling and learning, I started to drastically change on the inside. I went from being mortally depressed, to rarely depressed. I went from being panic-ridden constantly, to feeling anxiety occasionally. I saw these as big improvements. I knew if I could change on the inside, eventually I can change on the outside. But I still have my bleak moments where I think I can’t stand this another day. Lately, I’ve been feeling God more… and that’s helping too.

I hear you and feel you. It’s really miserable. I don’t know what made me start to have hope. It just came after some time passed. I also see this work as my only hope. This is the answer. So I’m in it til I get better. The forum has been huge. Absolutely huge in my survival and growth. Don’t lose heart, brother. It will get better. (Keep working!)
 
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Diana-M said:
Hey, @Mani,
I totally understand your feelings. I’m rounding the bend on almost two years on the forum (4 years when my symptoms began this time). For most of the past year I felt like you, then something changed. I started to believe that I will get better; it’s just a matter of time, as long as I stick with the work. I based this on all the stories I’ve read on the forum —and in other places— of people getting better.

I picture it like a master lock that I’m trying to open, and when I get the combination right, it will click open. I also recognize that a ton of things contributed to this round of TMS. Years’ worth of things, and a bunch of difficult circumstances and situations in my life—none of them processed, because I didn’t have the right skills. I just know that I’m in deep, and cleaning up such a big mess is going to take time.

Once I started journaling and learning, I started to drastically change on the inside. I went from being mortally depressed, to rarely depressed. I went from being panic-ridden constantly, to feeling anxiety occasionally. I saw these as big improvements. I knew if I could change on the inside, eventually I can change on the outside. But I still have my bleak moments where I think I can’t stand this another day. Lately, I’ve been feeling God more… and that’s helping too.

I hear you and feel you. It’s really miserable. I don’t know what made me start to have hope. It just came after some time passed. I also see this work as my only hope. This is the answer. So I’m in it til I get better. The forum has been huge. Absolutely huge in my survival and growth. Don’t lose heart, brother. It will get better. (Keep working!)
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Thanks Diana, youre so sweet.

Ive been doing worse this morning but suddenly had a complete change of heart. Doing fine now. Just keep me posted on whatevers happening with you. I take it youre homebound too??
 
Mani said:
Thanks Diana, youre so sweet.

Ive been doing worse this morning but suddenly had a complete change of heart. Doing fine now. Just keep me posted on whatevers happening with you. I take it youre homebound too??
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Yes, mainly homebound. I could go out more, and should. But it’s really hard, so I avoid it. It’s one of those things I hope to improve. So glad you feel a little better this morning. :)
 
@Mani Feel free to DM me here! I'm not an expert by no means. But I can provide encouragement and support!

But to answer your question to stay positive when in pain: @JanAtheCPA says, "What the F* Can You Do?!?" I could be upset about my pain, and I was for a very long time. I've had TMS mildly for at least 30 years and only discovered it was TMS in March. January 2024 was when my severe pain started and I went to every dr imaginable and they found nothing wrong. It was so disheartening. Finally, they basically wrote me off by saying that its a "syndrome" and gave me prescription medicine. So for all of 2024 I was stressed about my pain, had no hope, and was lost. With prescription meds I could get my pain lower but it was never gone.

I started the SEP in April and started the work. And it is night and day difference in my pain levels now. But I didn't get out of pain right away. It started slowly where I could have a couple of hours without pain and then it would come back. Then it would be a day and then come back. Then it would shift to a new pain and come back. When I had the brief moments of no pain or less pain, that's what gave me the 100% certainty that this is TMS. I went 10 days without my "severe January 2024 pain" this month!!! That was huge for me.!!! When it came back, I didn't stress because it will go away again. And maybe even longer this next time.

So I think my faith comes from this forum. I have people to talk to when I need it. I also think that when I get out of pain for a brief moment or longer it just really shows me that something is changing in my brain. That the "work" is working. And you will get there too. But TIME is such a big factor in this and that's where patience comes in. I didn't have patience right away and I think that did stall my healing for a bit. I also had the TMS distraction brain where I didn't want to journal and so I didn't. I had to overcome that as well.

@Diana-M wrote a recent post somewhere on this forum about the stages of the TMS brain when we start the work. I don't' remember where it is, but basically I'm at the stage of acceptance. I was angry and anxious before the TMS. I was skeptical when I started the TMS work in April. And now 9 months later I'm at acceptance where I have to just let my body do it's thing. But I'm going to keep doing the work and living my life and if the pain is there that's ok.

What I would suggest for you is to keep doing the work. It works, even if you don't see anything happening yet. You also want to lower your anxiety. Some people read Claire Weeks books. It does help get the basic framework of anxiety. But you can't move further until that anxiety is lowered a bit. When you do lower your anxiety, your pain will lower as well. It won't feed into that cycle of fear--->increased pain-->more fear. It may not go away completely, but the perception of the sensations will not be as strong.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure in my life and while I'm not 100% better, I know I will get there. Compared to where I was in Dec 2024, I've come a long ways! And you will be able to do it too!
 
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