It's TMS...I think

[curiouser]

Hi, new person here...I've read 2 Sarno books so far and I think what I have is TMS. I don't know why I have some doubt. I have tension in my jaw and facial muscles and what feels like back molar/gum pressure, tension and crepitus in my neck, some on and off joint pain in knees. I did see a "TMJ dentist" that did some testing, she said it might be from my bite or upper jaw being narrow. My CT scan showed arthritis in the neck and jaw joints, but I don't have pain or anything at the jaw joints, just a slight click on one side that I've had for a while. My issue with the jaw is tension in the cheek area, pressure in the teeth/gums, and masseter muscle severe tightness and tension.

I'm 44 so I'm assuming the arthritis is some what normal for my age.

The symptoms started when I was extremely stressed out/burned out. I was working at a job I had for only a year and dealing with an acholic boss. Six months into the new job, he fell off the wagon and left me and his partner to run the business. His partner acted in denial of the situation and worked mostly outside the office, which left me to try and deal with all the accounts, sales, installation appts. product rep meetings etc. I was a showroom sales person for a countertop business. I was dealing with 120 customers on average every month and after 6 months I just couldn't do it anymore. It was so hard to lie to people on a daily basis and not be able to tell them what was going on. Why the boss was constantly "out sick". I started really struggling emotionally and physically getting sick a lot, and then one morning I was at work after just getting over my 5th virus of last winter and I got up from my desk and I was dizzy. For the rest of the day I felt awful with neck tension and dizziness. I quit that afternoon, and went home, I cried the whole way home and got sicker on the ride home. That next day was when the jaw tension started and all my symptoms got worse I couldn't move my neck it was so tight.

Since then the symptoms have moved around some as far as how I feel it, sometimes worse in my neck sometimes worse in the jaw. The jaw tension got a lot worse after I took a round of steroids (but the steroids did help the neck tension and dizziness for a while). I have the neck tension/soreness again, but not the dizziness.

The business closed a week after I quit. I stayed so long subjecting myself to more than I should have because I'm a people pleaser, perfectionist (non quitter), responsible, do the right thing person, I'm an HSP (highly sensitive person) so I feel emotions very deeply and I am a pretty emotional person. I do struggle with negative thinking and I have a strong inner critic as well. There were other people that worked there and they had families to provide for, I didn't want to let anyone down.

Before the new job, I had been let go from a job as an interior designer for 6 years that I really enjoyed, but it was a smaller design firm and my boss couldn't afford to keep me and the other employee, so she chose the younger employee that she was better friends with over me, who had worked with her twice as long. It still hurts and I haven't been able to make peace with the whole situation. My old boss was a client at the countertop company, so it was hard/awkward to still have to see her from time to time at my new job as well.

I also have two prior traumas in my past, crime witness trauma when I was 19, and a medical trauma from a bad drug reaction when I was 27 (lasted a year, symptoms where horrific and scary, for a while I was unsure if I would heal, but I did ). I've never not gotten over physical issues in the past, no matter how weird, I don't know why this time seems different and has me so fearful of not getting better.

Given all that has happened, I'm guessing TMS, there wasn't any injury or anything, I've been in therapy for 7 months now, also tried acupuncture, chiropractic, and now PT. I only am getting a little relief. I've done some journaling, and meditation with not much success yet. I'm also very impatient to feel better (dealing with frustration) and obsessed with fixing myself (probably my perfectionism lol). I did make the unfortunate mistake of reading a TMJ forum which was horrific with lots of depressing stories, I'm trying to get those out of my head, but it's not easy.

Stress wise currently I'm not working, very fortunate that I have the best husband in the world, no kids (just fur kids), and we are comfortable financially-my only stressor is from the physical issues.

Sorry this is so long...in any case...any thoughts, tips, support etc. would be appreciated.

 

[Baseball65]

It was so hard to lie to people on a daily basis and not be able to tell them what was going on.

so she chose the younger employee that she was better friends with over me,

I have the best husband in the world

Stress wise currently I'm not working, very fortunate that I have the best husband in the world

Yep... You'll notice that your husband got included. It was the 'wonderful people' in my life that help most of the repressed, unconscious anger...remember, it's unconscious... but saying things like that is a built in defense against even looking in that corner. Your not working after all of that work history? dependency issues are HUGE TMS makers.

i had a terrible relapse recently because my 'amazing son' got me a job when I needed work...and then My Neck spasmed horribly and on closer inspection, having to go to the child I raised and be dependent on him was more than my unconscious could bear and I needed a symptom to distract me.

I notice your meditating and going to counseling...none of those things really alleviate TMS UNLESS they are being used to hunt out and identify rage makers we aren't aware of...yet.

But, yeah. You got it. I had those same set of symptoms when I had to watch my Mom (alone) with dementia. The symptoms left before the responsibility did because I hunted, dug and admitted some uncomfortable truths to myself. I imagine it works for everybody.

peace

 

[Michael Coutts]

I would be doing plenty of talking to my brain. You just start talking' "I get it Brain, I am totally enraged that that I had to deal with all of this bullshit with this job, that job, the other situation, the next one- and on and on"- "Don't Give Me Pain, Brain!" "I'm big and grown up and I can handle that I am totally enraged about all of the madness that I've had to deal with- Don't Give Me Pain, Brain!"
Keep on doing this, anytime that your mind is wandering and you have some free moments to think. Talk to your brain. Go over every time you can remember throughout your entire life, and things that are coming up. Tell your brain that you are totally enraged about each and every one of these memories and thoughts. Tell it that you don't need pain and symptoms and anxiety and sleeplessness and digestive problems and food sensitivities as a distraction from your ugly old buried rage. You're big and strong. You can handle all the rage. You understand that your brain gives you pain and symptoms as a distraction. The gig is up. You're not fooled anymore. Don't Give Me Pain, Brain!!!

 

[Michael Coutts]

And keep reading Sarno. Leave the books in the bathroom, and read them over and over and over to get all of the messages down into your subconscious.

 

[Fal]

Absolutely sounds like TMS.

I had jaw pain to the point where it hurt to open my mouth to eat some bigger foods, it’s gone away now though. I still however have bad neck tension but I am aware of what it is so I’m still working on getting better.

You’ll get there, there is various resources about on the internet these days, Sarno, the SEP on here and various YouTube coaches like Dan Buglio that will all give you different approaches. Find whatever works for you and stick with it.

 

[curiouser]

You'll notice that your husband got included. It was the 'wonderful people' in my life that help most of the repressed, unconscious anger...remember, it's unconscious... but saying things like that is a built in defense against even looking in that corner. Your not working after all of that work history? dependency issues are HUGE TMS makers

Interesting...I never thought to look at him or my mother (my two closest people in my life). I could see where I might have something there anger wise. Work history is hard for me, my trauma from when I was 19 was from a co worker, it was hard for me to work after that, I had bad ptsd issues for years. I finally was able to go back to school and fell in love with interior design and started working again. The countertop job with the alcoholic boss really brought up the feeling unsafe issues again for me. The alcoholic boss also had an abusive relationship affair with my coworker (that had a stalking incident at one point) and it just reminded me of my trauma years before when my coworker murdered someone and I ended up being a witness. I've struggled with having a "normal" career life for years.

I'm very much like my mother personality wise, she has struggled with fibro and migraines since her forties. When I was struggling with my last job she warned me that I needed to quit or I would end up sick like her. Which scares me some...Did I unconsciously want this? Is this my brains way of protection and guaranteeing that I'll stay safe and not work anymore since I seem to get myself in unsafe situations?

 

[Baseball65]

No! You do not have to be like your mother! That is the gift that Dr. Sarno gave to us… We can do whatever we want in any situation we want. All we have to do is increase our understanding and keep studying …the fact that you’re open minded to look at your husband and mom is a good sign already .people who get stuck with TMS are the ones who have things they just absolutely refused to investigate or can’t for emotional reasons.

This other information, you just added about work really colors the whole thing… And I’m absolutely certain you’re having TMS.

It was always the people with whom I have a good relationships like my kids, my ex-wife, bosses that I like… That’s where the TMS is always hidden.

 

[Baseball65]

Oh, and one note. You only have to become aware of the repressed rage and 99% of the situation you don’t have to go telling your husband every little grievance you might discover. I made that mistake and created a lot of problems. I didn’t need to have to recover. This is really between you and you or you and God ….however, you wanna look at that.