Today's journaling was about how current stresses are keeping me in pain. As I was writing, I first realised that I'm a control freak and I need to control the outcome of everything. Writing further, revealed that the need for control comes from fear of abandonment. This part - I already knew. Then as I was writing, I suddenly realised that I faced the worst abandonment once and I have survived it. That realisation made my back brain actually reel and i was almost dizzy. Then I realised that all the trauma was in the past and I survived it. I came through it and on this side I have a support system. Towards the end of the session, I wrote, I don't need those defense mechanisms anymore. And I could feel the back of my brain tingly and slowly calming down and at one point it was still. It is a strange realisation to have - that what ever happened has happened and I have come through it and now I don't need those defence mechanisms anymore. Anyone else felt this way? Any thoughts/comments?