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Is TMS my fault?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by leomessi45, Jan 19, 2021.

  1. leomessi45

    leomessi45 Peer Supporter

    This might be a tough pill to swallow but I honestly think it is. I honestly regret being such a hypochondriac and stressing out and monitoring pain so much. A lot of people will say that it isn't your fault and while thats supposed to make me feel better it actually makes me feel much worse. It feels like then I'm not in control of my own life
  2. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    @leomessi45 , it is not unusual for people who suffered long time to blame themselves for their pain. That is a trait of a TMS personality, being too hard on yourself. By simply accepting your pain as a reality and not making judgments this way or another, you can change your focus from unproductive thoughts about your perceived deficiencies to productive ones. Once you start focusing on how to heal, you will regain control of your life and start feeling better. Speaking from experience here!
    Pinkyandthebrain, Ellen and Balsa11 like this.
  3. leomessi45

    leomessi45 Peer Supporter

    My pain is actually completely gone haha. A lot of people take time to accept the TMS diagnosis but I didn't. It took me a few dozen pages of Sarno to realize this was me. What do you mean by productive thoughts Im curious? I'm just really mad I had to suffer through something challenges my own subconscious created.
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  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes leomessi45, it is "your fault" just like it is everybody's fault. It is the way we're constructed, pure and simple.

    I love this:
    I think it is great to feel your anger about the situation, our human condition perhaps, your human condition. The unproductive aspect here is if blame yourself personally, as if you somehow failed. As TG says, this self-blame is common, and related to "low self-esteem" or self-rejection, self-hate. This can cause a lot of suffering, so I encourage you to see this, and work with it, if it arises. Perhaps regret is a kinder way to understand this, and perhaps that is what you're feeling? With this, there might be self-compassion.
    Balsa11 and TG957 like this.
  5. leomessi45

    leomessi45 Peer Supporter

    So I should shift my beliefs from self fblame to regret. This actually makes more sense. It gives me the perception of control while also not dwelling on the past. Is this what you mean?
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  6. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    If we think our thoughts as dye, some dyes are more concentrated than others.
    TG957 likes this.
  7. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Well, yes. I guess I am saying that if there is self-blame, know this, disengage from this, defend your right to an average human experience (like TMS). If you're hurting yourself with your thoughts, I hope you can see that and take right action. And regret might be a more compassionate feeling.

    This actually makes more sense. It gives me the perception of control while also not dwelling on the past.

    This seems like a knowing in your bones about how you're perceiving the "problem of the past," and when I read your words, I feel more relaxed, more connected to reality. Nice.
    Balsa11 and TG957 like this.
  8. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    I personally dislike the “TMS” acronym because it ultimately is just the mind-body connection, not an actual condition. And the mind-body connection is not the fault of any individual - it’s a natural part of life that every human experiences. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting a headache when you’re in a fight with a friend or blushing when you’re embarrassed in public. But we all experience it to some degree. For reasons that vary, certain people experience this more intensely.

    The good news is that these symptoms can be overcome and you did not cause yourself any permanent damage. I know what a relief that truly is, when you 100% believe it. Nobody, no matter how perfect and/or ideal their life seems, has ever had a struggle-free existence that didn’t include misguided perceptions, decisions they no longer agree with, etc. Every single one of us could try to blame ourselves for something, but is it really even true? And is it productive or worth it?

    You’ve always been in control of your life. The mind-body connection is nothing more than your body responding to your emotions. For this reason, there is no need to be filled with so much regret. Do you practice kindness and understanding toward yourself? These exact feelings you’re expressing are notorious for playing a prominent role in the mind-body connection for lots of people. But again, this can be undone with time and practice!
    Balsa11, Idearealist and TG957 like this.
  9. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Indeed - and I recall that someone, probably Forest, said that in his last years, Dr. Sarno started saying that TMS should probably just refer to "The Mindbody Syndrome".

    I'm also really good at the self-blame game, but honestly, that's just being mean to yourself in a way you would not treat others.

    Self-forgiveness is essential to recovery and laying blame - either on ourselves or on others - will not get us there.

    Perhaps a useful way to look at this is that self-blame is just another technique our brains use to keep us in the negative fearful zone. It's not necessary, so why not get rid of it?
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  10. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes. I think there is a clear parallel to the Mindbody Syndrome's action as a defense ---or as a way to "stay safe by creating fear" as there is to superego activity. The superego activity keeps us in the fear zone. That is why working with the superego/Inner Critic can be fundamental to working with the fear/distraction/defense of the symptoms in TMS.

    The symptoms and the feeling of being wrong both serve the same function.

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  11. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    Yeah, I struggle with this, too. I hate not feeling in control of my mind-body -- like I'm a defective person, or whatever.
    Balsa11 likes this.
  12. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    Yeah that control is very elusive and counterintuitive. Hypersensitivity isn't fun unless it's about something nice.
    crashkahuna likes this.
  13. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    Indeed. Getting into the mindset of influencing things indirectly and easing up when necessary has been very difficult for me.
    Balsa11 likes this.
  14. leomessi45

    leomessi45 Peer Supporter

    this really makes me feel a lot bettter thanks. Over the past few days Ive started to just accept that its completely normal and I shouldn't judge myself for it. In fact, the best course of action is to jusst learn from it rather than overanalyze and I feel much better. I've started to struggle with trying not to blame others. It's really difficult because once my doctor misdiagnosed me with a serious back condition that I did not have when in reality it was just a normal twinge. I was put into a brace for 4 months and years later was i notified by another doctor that he was incorrect. I somewhat believe that this led to my TMS condition as I became hard wired to this pain. I'm really mad now and I cant get over that. What advice would you give?
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2021
    Balsa11 and JanAtheCPA like this.
  15. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    Well it's good news that the second opinion cleared things up!
  16. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    First, forgive yourself for being not just mad, but full of righteous rage.

    You might also have to forgive yourself for having believed that doctor.

    Then, allow yourself to let it go, because holding on to rage is not going to allow you to progress.

    Mind you, you do NOT have to forgive that doctor, because the misdiagnosis was unforgiveable. You might possibly forgive him for being a narrow-minded idiot and not knowing any better. Maybe? Try writing him a letter - and then send it, or don't send it - either is a legitimate choice. The technique of the "unsent letter" is actually an incredibly powerful writing exercise.

    To continue with the writing theme - write about this all for yourself. Just dump it out on paper, or type it out - whatever works for you. Don't keep it (this is not formal journal-keeping by any means). Don't worry about whether it's legible or readable, and, most importantly, don't edit it as you go, and do NOT allow your brain to censor what ends up on your paper or your screen. Be 100% honest with yourself in getting all the shit out there. Then toss it or delete it.

    And then forgive yourself, once and for all.
  17. leomessi45

    leomessi45 Peer Supporter

    thanks a lot im going to just do that. Interesting that you metnioed forgiving myself cause quite frankly the diagnosis made no sense and I should have seen that. Well whatever I missed playing soccer for a while but at the same time it allowed me to focus on school more so it happend for the best. thanks a lot for your support.

    Also about journaling do you reccomend throwing away the journal. IDK what to do. I heard throwing away is better but then again in 2027 it would be cool to see what i did everyday in 2021 and what i was feeling

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