Is this a bad idea?

[Huckleberry]

So, in the past I've always liked to have goals to aim for in relation to my activities etc. I was scheduled to climb Kilimanjaro in January but have taken a swerve on this until next July mainly due to my LBP issue but also due to other logistic practicalities.

Whilst I have been relatively ok with walking and hiking it is running which really seems to be the big issue for me regarding pain flares and this has become a mental block for me. I haven't really run now for pretty much a year but my base level of fitness is pretty good...its just the pain I feel when running and afterwards that discourages me.

I did a 10k race about 8 months ago and a half marathon last year and I really want to get back into feeling that I would be able to do something like this once gain. I have entered a local fun run 5k which takes place here every new years eve and I'm obviously confident that unless things take a massive downward spiral I should at least be able to get round that.

Now, my ultimate aim and something that I feel would really inspire me and give me something to aim for would be to run a local half marathon which takes place on March 1st next year which by my reckoning is 20 weeks time. I don't want to set the world alight or run a PB but just the fact I made the start line and hopefully got round the course would I'm sure really return some confidence to me. I'm sure doing all this would also give me the impetus to get my healthy diet back on track and also help shift the extra 20 odd pounds I've gained whilst wallowing in the TMS/pain victim mindset.

Now, to the point of the post...I'm well aware there is a rub with this in that this does sound dangerously like setting timescales for a recovery which I'm well aware is a big no no. The thing is though I honestly don't feel like I'm wanting to do this to get rid of the pain, if by doing this a side effect was that the pain improved/went I would obviously feel very happy but rather I feel I want to do it regardless of the pain and to show myself that my life can go on and that the pain and discomfort doesn't have to limit me any longer.

I know this is going to be tricky for me and is going to require some tough mental dedication but I'm just thinking that rekindling my passion in spite of the pain may well lead to other benefits for me and allow me to see that I don't have to be defined by the pain.

Anyway I am really interested to hear peoples opinions on this as I know it can be a double edged sword. I know I'm risking setbacks and frustration but really I can't allow the situation to stand as it is...I will do the work that is required of me but I'm no longer prepared to put my life on hold in the hope that one day I will wake up and my pain is gone. It may never go I suppose so I have to live regardless.

 

[sarah430]

I know I'm risking setbacks and frustration but really I can't allow the situation to stand as it is...I will do the work that is required of me but I'm no longer prepared to put my life on hold in the hope that one day I will wake up and my pain is gone. It may never go I suppose so I have to live regardless.

I think you've answered the question for yourself right there.

 

[Huckleberry]

Thanks for the reply Sarah.

Yep, reading that back it does indeed sound like I've answered my own question. I suppose the issue is that I'm just concerned that I'm setting myself up to generate far more inner stress and tension around this issue. In the past, before my pain started I was happy to make goals and if for whatever reason I had to modify or even scrap these this was ok and I would just move on. I think I just have some worries in relation to this in that a) I want to run b) I want to live the life, and of course c) I want to heal. I'm just a tad concerned that the tension possibly generated by A may have a negative effect on B and of course C.

I probably haven't explained this very well. I'm also probably over analysing this to the finest degree and tying myself up in knots just thinking about it.

 

[Forest]

I'm also probably over analysing this to the finest degree and tying myself up in knots just thinking about it.

It wouldn't be the first time one of us has done that.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Huckleberry, I think it's common to worry about and over-analyze your healing process.
It takes its own time and you can help by not thinking about your pain so much and not hurrying the healing.
It helps to spend time on things that make you happy. That helps to forget the pain.

As Steve Ozanich has said, the main thing is not overcoming the pain, but understanding what caused it.
That is TMS from repressed emotions. That's what you need to analyze. But only for a half hour or hour a day.
The rest of the time, go about your normal life and keep thinking happy thoughts. Even laugh,
when there may be nothing to laugh at. Laughter is healthy.

 

[sarah430]

I really like Monte Huefle's point of view, that over-analyzing (which I've done too!) just feeds the TMS pain cycle. Tying yourself up into knots thinking about it doesn't help the situation. Here's a good quote from one of his recent email updates that has helped me:

"Your roadblocks in reversing the strategy are: Doubt, Analyzing, Investigating, Searching, Expectations and being Consumed with any part of TMS. Your allies are: Acceptance, Confidence, Conviction, Ability to Ignore Symptoms and Genuine follow-through of looking at yourself and how You are Being. Remember, if you are giving TMS your attention, then it has you in it’s symptom cycle and there is no reason to stop. If you Ignore TMS and give your genuine attention to yourself, how you are being, making some adjustments in thoughts/behaviors, incorporating a little more Openness, Balance, Allowing & Flexibility into your life, then you are communicating to the Strategy that you are not distracted. When you get it, you are following through and this is automatically communicated to the intelligent strategy. "

So rather than focusing on the pain (hard I know!) try instead to focus on how you are being and feeling.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Good advice, Sarah430. I would just add focus on finding ways to be happy and laugh.
We can create our own sunshine and acceptance, confidence to find balance and happiness.