Is there anything more TMS than...

M

Mr Hip Guy

Beloved Grand Eagle
Is there anything more TMS indicative than...

- Thinking the entire economy is going to collapse, your kids won't get jobs, and you'll need to support them for the rest of your life?

- Thinking this fight with your spouse is going to end your relationship and you're going to end up all alone?

- Believing your job skills are going to erode, the younger generation will blow by you and you'll lose your job and have to retire before you're ready?

- Anticipating some horrific event (like a dirty bomb or a nuclear attack) will result in the dissolving of society and you're going to have to find a way to survive?

Sorry if any of this is triggering, I'm trying to manage a low spot and hoping to combat it with some levity. Feel free to add your own if it helps.
 
I think actually a lot of the thinking could be eliminated if we don't watch breaking news, social media, browse internet and apps for information etc. For most average people, the present moment is fairly safe since we are fed, clothed, sheltered to meet survival needs. The danger comes from anybody or anything that tries to make you do something you don't want at that moment. And you fear that if you don't do it, others would react negatively and judge you. Somehow, we are conditioned to feel responsible for others' negative emotions/feedback, and the goodism and perfectionism to help others not feel negatively towards us are the TMS masters.

Business world likes to talk about "constructive feedback". From what I observe, nobody likes feedback these days unless they truly love themselves and unless people giving feedback have no strings attached. More often than not, feedback is perceived as danger and personal attacks. In a lot of cases, the "feedback" basically means or is perceived as: what you do sucks, you'd better do what we tell you to do to make more profits, to make it more convenient for us, etc., otherwise you will be punished or shamed. So "feedback" from your boss, your clients, your family members, parents to kids, spouse to spouse, teachers to students, etc., could be triggers for TMS. That is why the feedback on this forum is so precious because people know they are just sharing and not be judged.

A few things to add to the list:

- Thinking about mass shootings that could happen to anyone including oneself and loved ones, or just people you know.
- Boss/clients/family members/people you kind of know telling you what to do and you don't want to do it. Feel the need to justify why you don't what to do it.
- Frustrations of daily life complexity due to complicated modern society. Feeling out of control and being pushed around.
 
louaci said:
I think actually a lot of the thinking could be eliminated if we don't watch breaking news, social media, browse internet and apps for information
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Yes, absolutely. Most of this is "false terror" - the worrying over things that might not ever otherwise occur to us.
 
- Thinking the nest egg you've worked your life to set aside for yourself will evaporate, either from market downturns, or hyper inflation, or some switch to an altogether different currency.

- Worrying that the relationships you have built with your children, that you're proud of, will dissolve due to some unresolved conflict and you'll get what you fear most - a future without them.

- That the awful political divide in our world will continue to grow and lead to more and more ugly behavior from its perpetrators.

The funny thing is I don't find myself worrying about the physical things that I used fear (loss of mobility, etc) - so TMS work maybe has helped with those. It's these larger, external scenarios that work me over.
 
Try the STOP method. Refuse to go down that path.
I’ve been there, and saying it’s anxiety on steroids is letting it control you and being its victim.
Flip the switch.
This is simply the OCD like negative thought pattern or, as Dr. Hanscom talks about RUTS @JanAtheCPA recently posted about it.
Your mind looks to control when it feels unsafe and out of control. An anxiety of trying to fix and overthink. Then it just becomes a thought loop. You can break that habit. #1 is to drop being victimized by it all, but totally feel free to be angry about the injustice you feel! I certainly do!!!!
Choose a few things you can control, focus on them. Claire Weekes discusses this.
 
I feel like the overall bigger message of all news and social media today is doom. If you expose yourself to it too much, you can really be overwhelmed with anxiety. My symptoms go through the roof when I read it at all these days.

Lately this book has almost changed my life completely. Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns. It teaches you how to correct your thinking, which in turn affects your feelings—-which can lead to anxiety. It’s simple and phenomenal at influencing my moods for the better.

And yes: I second Claire Weekes!
 
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My mindful word these days is: speculation. Recognizing it, and choosing not to engage. I feel like it's helping my mind shift in the moment.


On the topic of shifting our mindset, I just bought Ethan Kross's new book, which is in fact titled Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You. I got so much out of his 2020 book Chatter and recommended it here a lot, after I read it a year ago. I am looking forward to reading Shift, since that's a word I've been using ever since I started doing this work in 2011, and Kross is such a good writer and researcher. But first I have to finish reading Mind Your Body (Nicole Sachs) which of course only came out last week on Feb 4th. And my library just notified me that a novel I've had on hold is ready... Ack!

@Mr Hip Guy, I don't know if you ever saw my recommendations for Chatter. As the title implies, it's all about the voices in our heads, and the subtitle is "What to do about it". I really recommend it. I originally borrowed it from my library (available in all formats) although it had a very long hold time even though it was at least three years old by then, and I ended up buying the ebook anyway. This time I just went ahead and bought Shift right away, which only came out a few weeks ago. It's also available in all formats, and if you have Audible, you can listen to either book for free. Here's a reddit thread that Dr. Kross hosted last week to answer questions about the new book, which gives you a decent idea of the content and his style: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1igwf2b/im_ethan_kross_author_of_shift_managing_your/
 
Wonderful advice everyone, thank you very much.

@Cactusflower "STOP" is a good suggestion - my problem here is that my TMS brain was being very sneaky, it wasn't presenting me with what I normally consider TMS symptoms (pain) but instead was putting me in a depressive state of spiraling. This was sneaky but also effective because it had me "looking the other way" and not catching on. I need to figure out some better way in being on the lookout for this going forward.

And I listened to the youtube channel last night, that was a good one that I wasn't previously aware of (I have watched quite a bit of Dan Buglio but not this couple). One takeaway I'll call out is that overthinking (and the subsequent strategizing and planning and ruminating it spawns) "sucks the joy" out of life. That's a great reminder for us all - I know I have some corner of my brain that thinks my overthinking is a "good thing" because it means I'll be "prepared" (I know this is ridiculous but what can I say) - so having a solid counterpoint (that it will rob life of the joy it has) to point to instead will be helpful. Nobody wants to be the debbie-downer afterall. :)
 
Diana-M said:
I feel like the overall bigger message of all news and social media today is doom. If you expose yourself to it too much, you can really be overwhelmed with anxiety.
Click to expand...

It's kinda hard to avoid isn't it? Most mainstream news (think "Today" show etc) is all big-picture doom, and most local news is almost all murders and rapes and shootings etc. But too much head in the sand and we'll be "uninformed" according to our peers. I totally agree of course, it's just putting it in practice that's hard - at the very least we can stop going looking for this stuff.
 
JanAtheCPA said:
I don't know if you ever saw my recommendations for Chatter.
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I did actually, and I in fact was able to find it at MY library. I checked it out and started it and...set it aside. My TMS brain sabotaging me I guess. :-) But I needed the reminder to get back to it, thank you.

It's hard when your internal monologue tends to be negative. I literally have notes on the back door of my office (where generally only I can see them) that remind me "what stories are you telling yourself" and "You are what you EAT" - maybe I need to come up with a few more.
 
"what stories are you telling yourself" and "You are what you EAT"

Maybe more positive ones? Those both have kind of negative connotations (if you are a negative thinker)

"stop, breathe" might be a good one "hey, what's going good today?" might be another
 
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